The One That Really Did Get Away.

To cut a very Very, long story short. Me and this girl have been friends for over 8 years, when we first met we connected and spent literally all our time with each other, having 3/4 hour conversations on the phone at night regularly. we were rebellious kids at the time and we were around 16 years old, people use to say that they thought we were together as a couple all the time when we use to hang around. short story is, we never really had the timing of a relationship settled, so whenever she was in a relationship, I wouldn't have been this happened a couple of times throughout our friendship, there were times where we were acting romantically physically, but that didn't continue to anything at the time, that was my fault. and i regret that every day, even to this day.

So we both go to university and we don't see each other for nearly 4 years, but we still kept in contact with each other though text messages.

Skip to what happened recently, she was in a broken relationship with a guy that she didn't want to stay with, during this time she was back in the hometown, and i saw her for the first time in nearly 6 years, it was like we were back to normal, she was acting and laughing like we use to when we were young, i mean all the signs that she found me attractive were there, and i think she could tell too.

I did something stupid, unaware that she had just broken up with her boyfriend, i sent her a message saying that basically since the day we met I had been in love with her, i didn't say love, but i made it pretty clear what i said.

She freaks out and does not message me back for 4 days, that's weird for her considering we use to talk all the time. She said that she cant deal with what i said at her point in time, and that she didn't want anything romantic with me at all.

but a couple of days later she messaged me again saying that she dealt with the situation wrong, she apologised to me and said that she cant be the person i want right now, and that shes terrified that she will lose me as a friend if she didn't say sorry or something like that. I agreed with her and we both said that its not the right time and that i was sorry for putting the pressure on her with this.

I had a friend who i use to talk to every day for 8 years, who I love to pieces.. but she reads my messages and does not reply to them anymore.

I'm not a guy who gets upset about this type of thing, but the thought that she wants to throw everything away makes me miserable.

I caught myself dreaming about her and me being happy the other day, i think its time i have some answers because i cant take this torture anymore.

I need some Advice.

It sounds like you had a meaningful friendship with occasional benefits. In the past, when she wanted a committed romantic relationship, she went elsewhere. I am guessing that you did the same. It seems that your feelings have changed toward her, but that her feelings remain the same towards you. I think that she is not responding to your texts because she does not want to encourage your new feelings towards her. My advice is to respect her wishes and to deal with your unhappy emotions by yourself. I'm sorry this is happening to you. However, it is not an unusual occurrence. Part of growing up is learning how to cope with the fact that all of our childhood fancies do not become reality.

I think she is scared, and im trying to keep my distance its just i hate being ignored, her reading one of my messages and not replying isnt like her and i know its not.

Maybe Im holding onto this quote more than i should but she did say, "I cant be the person you want me to be, not right now anyway" thats a direct quote from a reply from her.

This is why im so confused haha

thank you for the response :)

I agree with the others. If she’s been your every day friend for 8 years, this is likely not the end of the story completely. She will be back around. She just needs to process this information that you’ve been holding onto for years. And it sounds like she has other stuff going on too - so she just needs her space.

Respect her space and respect her answer. Her answer was no. Don’t hang on to the “not right now” part. Hang on to the “no” part.

You’ve made yourself clear. The romantic ball is now in her court. Your job is to accept her no and go back in your mind to just being a friend.

You are all right, I think I knew this from the beginning and just needed some advice on the matter.

Thank you all.

I will continue to be a ghost for now, keeping my distance as much as possible.

The hardest part is just acceptance, the mind works In cruel ways. I want to forget about everything, sometimes i wish i never met her when my mind gives me dreams about me and her, i didnt ask for that feeling and the part that hurts really is the fact i nearly ed up our friendship. We go travelling together next year, well at least i think so still. just me and her as planned. but i will keep you all posted on whats happening.

Thank you all so much honestly, this is the first time i have ever asked for help. and it has in fact put things into perspective.

I am so sorry.

OP, she does not feel the same. I think it will be impossible to have a relationship, if you are in love with her.

I would stop reaching out.

She is not the one that got away - she was the one that never was. For someone to get away - you have to have them to begin with. I would not contact her again. She knows how you feel. If she were to heal from her relationship and feel differently about you, she knows where to find you. You can't be a friend to her since you have romantic feelings.

Update.

She called me in the middle of the night saying that shes sorry for how she had treated me, and with some thought she said shes always had a thing for me, ever since we broke up when we were younger. She wants to see me, to "talk about us".

What does that even mean?

she just said she likes me. after everything.

I'm completely confused now.

She may indeed like you. But even so, she's most likely in rebound mode right now. I'd keep my distance for at least a couple of months. More, if it was a long term relationship.

Meet up with her, hear her out. 8 years of feelings--you won't want this one to slip by knowing that it's mutual now. The timing has never been right before, and while I would normally discourage this right after a breakup, I wouldn't wait several more months just to miss out on the first real opportunity. I would see how long she was with her last boyfriend and if she still has unresolved feelings for him. I would take it slow but step things up. I think she wants to chat about possibly dating you.