Help me understand what is happening..

My long distance bf an I have known each other for 8yrs, An have been dating for 4yrs so I know him pretty well. But since March 31 he changed, he suddenly became depressed and began ignoring my texts and calls. He spoke to me only a few times saying he's been having dark thoughts and didn't want to hurt me and was protecting me and himself, that he was the problem An didn't want to drag me down with him. His whole mood changed, he's usually so happy and loving but he was really uncomfortable during video chat once an it's not like him to be so fidgety. He told me he saw a therapist who helped him realise it had something to do with his past and how he didn't achieve what he wanted back then, and he is trying to fix it now an all he can think about is making money to go back to uni. I told him I supported his ideas An that he could still have a good relationship with me while he does this An he agreed and didn't want to loose me An wants to know how I'm doing also. He told me he would call me that night... but he didn't and I haven't heard from him since, it's been 2 months of silence from him and I'm at my wits end. I messaged him every so often to let him know I'm still there An I care about him, I even contacted his cousin once to pass on a message to his parents (who don't speak English) about a care package I sent him. I ended up telling his cousin about what he told me An asked him to keep an eye on him for me. But since then I contacted his cousin again to ask how he is an I got no response so I tried his best friend and boss An same thing, no response. Then recently I noticed he deleted some pics of us together off his Facebook but kept only 2 one of me An him together with his cousin An his wife and a picture of our feet in the sand. I don't understand what that means or where I stand, he hasn't deleted me from any of his social medias and hasn't blocked me from calling him from what I can tell and even his instagram still has pictures of us there. I feel very lost, sad and full of questions. It feels like I've done something wrong even though he says I'm not the problem. Please can someone help me understand what is happening here? He has never shown any signs of depression or this silent treatment before. We used to talk everyday for hours. Pls help

The problem is probably the long distance relationship. It's no substitute for a real relationship. You're not there. And chatting over the Internet is not the same.

I can't say for certain, but most of the time when something like this happens it's because your boyfriend has found somebody else. And he gave you some bogus excuse for the breakup, but I think he's found someone else.

You have to start making a real life for yourself. You've wasted so much time on this guy when you should have been getting out there and dating, having a good time, finding real-life friends and doing all these romantic things people do. It's time to go out into the sun and live.

I can understand your situation. I'm going through kinda same. I am also in a long distance relationship. Well, love can happen in every weird way but long distance is such a pain. You are totally helpless when the other person disappears or stops answering as the only medium of communication is cell phone and internet. I would suggest you to go visit him if you can. This is the only viable and real solution. Go see him, meet him personally, see if everything that he has told you is true. Help him if he needs help. Maybe he needs you or maybe (i am not sure but) maybe he just wants out of this relationship. Two months is a long time. I appreciate your patience. I cannot wait even 12 hours if my gf doesn't respond to me. I become frantic. You have some patience :)

So, visit him. Otherwise you will have a depression worse than him. I am currently going through it.

I've suffered with depression and during that time I didn't want to talk to anyone - no matter how much they cared for me or how much I loved them. It's a very difficult place to be in and as he has spoken to a therapist and found a way to pull himself out of this depression then that's a very positive thing for him that I can imagine he only has focus and room for in his life right now. When you are depressed, dealing with anything stressful or emotional can seem impossible and so you tend to avoid it. Of course this isn't a great way to deal with things as serious as an 8year relationship but it is part of the condition. He has already tried to tell you that he wants to move forward alone, and as much as this is terribly painful for you, his mental health and well-being must come first in his life choices. Possibly he is feeling that he wants to shed everything from his 'old' life and move forward to a 'new' life - which is very common with people coming out of depression.

You aren't the problem here, he has a lot he needs to work on and work through by himself and perhaps being with you reminds him of that dark time he recently went through.

I think it's clear by the radio silence from him and his family, and him deleting photos of the two of you, that the relationship is over. He hasn't dealt with this in the kindest of ways however, his head is also not in a 'normal' state.

I think that as much as you want closure and answers; they will not come within the near future and so you need to start seeing yourself as a single woman. Be angry and hurt at the situation - of course - heartbroken even, but it's time for you to come to the acceptance that this relationship is no longer.

I'm very sorry that this has happened but I can't help understanding what he's going through too. One day, he will reach out to you and explain but this will not be until he feels strong enough - which could take years. Focus on yourself and your future without him. --BigSis