I want a future but I’m not sure he does.

Hi. I’ve been with my partner for four years and while I’m ready to start thinking about our future, he isn’t. He thinks we are too young (25 years old) and that we would be rushing into it which I understand. But my family around me have moved on to the next stage of their lives (marriage and kids) and I feel like I’m being left behind. Every time I bring this up with him he has one of three reactions: he gets annoyed that I’m putting pressure on him, he changes subject or he reiterates hat we’re too young.

I understand his point of view in that he is not ready, but at the same time I feel as though our relationship has sort of stopped moving forward.

On top of all this he has hang ups about his past in the sense that he was a virgin before me. He goes Brough phases where he regrets not living the stereotypical bachelor life and that he hasn’t had certain experiences that other people have had. One being one night stands. I feel that this is something that is holding him back from our future and I don’t know what to do.

I dont want to keep holding on to hope that one day he will let go of his doubts and miraculously propose and be ready for the next stage in our relationship, if it’s never going to happen. At the same time I don’t want to lose him.

I need advice... please help me.

You gave him what he wants and payed for it with four years of your life.

Yes, you're wasting time. Dump him and don't make the same mistakes again.

When free of him, date intelligently. (Discovery)

Have fun but don't give him everything! (Sex and property can never substitute for knowledge and real commitment.)

Investigate his background, and with careful talk, find out who he really is and wants.

This can be easily accomplished in four months to a year.

His FOMO tells you everything. He has FOMO about the single life, which he has romanticized and about which he is curious. He does not have FOMO about family life, which at the moment it sounds like he takes that for granted and also equates it with The End of Fun.

Sorry. Dump him. You will find a better match. You will also learn the hard lesson that comes from starting over. IT IS WORTH IT to start over and get it right.

If you are afraid to lose him/this relationship, then this isn't the relationship for you. Yes, i wrote what I meant. If you are afraid to let it go, then please do let it go.

Yes, after four years together and at your ages, it's reasonable to expect moving on to the next level. That said, nobody is worth waiting around for. By this time, he should feel 100 percent confident in moving forward. Instead, he brings up the abominable thoughts of how he wished he could've screwed a stranger one time and moved on to another stranger. And he sounds like a prize to you?

You've gotten used to him being around and don't know that someone who is actually worthy of you is waiting for you in the future. Be alone for a good year before you venture in the dating world again. When you get some distance from this "boy," you will shake your head at why you stuck around for so long. Take care.

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with the others. I don't find his doubts ridiculous, but the fact that he's continuously voiced that he regrets not having some wild sex life everytime you being up progressing in the relationship means he's not ready for what you want and maybe will never want it at all. He should be able to tell you in no uncertain terms that he wants to be with you in a marriage commitment eventually, even if he doesn't propose right away. You are making a mistake to wait around on someone who can't even have an adult conversation about the topic. Take the hint and get out now.

It's time for you to move on from him, OP.

He is in no way ready for marriage, and this will likely end when he can't resist the urge to explore anymore.

Marriage is a union of two people who are ready to build a life together and serve each other. From what you've described, he's not at that point but you are. You have to make a decision. If you are ready for what marriage is, you'll have to find it with someone else.

With me being nearly 25 and in a relationship of over 3 years, I do not want to marry yet. I have a stable job, in a good career, make enough money, have a substantial amount of savings, contribute to retirement, live on my own and can support myself, but still not ready to marry. I too believe I am young for marriage.

While this is my opinion, knowing many do not hold the same beliefs, I believe a marriage closer to 30 is more successful. I have always held that opinion and the data reports marriages are more likely to succeed around that age. I also don't want kids right now, or maybe at all. I want to see if my opinion changes or not in the future before I commit myself to someone. I want to marry, but make sure my partner is on the same page in that regard once I finally do decide, although it is too early for me yet.

Additionally, I want a house and move to a different location before marriage. This involves planning, exploring other areas, and finances. I am making my way there, but I need more time in order to do so. In the end, I have my reasons for not marrying yet, despite being in a LTR, other than I am too young but is related to needing more time. I have certain criteria to fulfill before I do so. However, it seems your boyfriend's reasons are not towards self progression, but towards self indulgence that will only be fulfilled either by cheating or breaking up with you. I can't see a way around that, not even through time.

Perhaps you could breakup and see if you two could meet again sometime in the future, if single, after progressing some more. I wouldn't be waiting around for it though. It is a chance you could take, while exploring other options that may be a better fit. If you are ready for marriage and have satisfied everything in your life you want/need before marriage, then find someone with the same life timeline as you. If you, after quite some time has passed, have not found that person yet, then perhaps it would be worthwhile to revisit a possible reconcillation to this guy again, given his life timeline matches up with yours and wants to finally marry you.

I'm sorry to say but I can't see this ever working out. You and he are in different places in your life and he's not near ready.

Yes, his idea of wanting to explore more, won't ever go away. He is curious, he wants more experiences with other women. Add into it that he is already resenting you for trying to "tie him down".

Whether it's tomorrow, or next year, he will eventually want that itch scratched and forcing marriage won't stop it. He will just end up cheating.

He's being honest with you, he feels he is too young and he wants more life experiences before he settles down for good. He is no where near that right now.

He doesn't even sound like he wants to be in a committed relationship, nevermind married.

Don't let your desire for marriage and kids NOW blind you to the man in front of you. He doesn't want what you want. Don't force it. Move on.

Old one-and-done thread.