Want him back

[SmartiePants]

The funny thing is I cant really recall anything bad. We never had any arguments and he is not the type of guy who would hurt or say anything hurtful. I did try to think of something bad but there is just nothing comes up. I am not intended to contact him. I decided to do at least 35 days and see what happens. I am going through "no contact" thread and noticing that guys are at their worst after 30 days mark, missing gf like crazy etc. So I told myself, I'll give him that space and if by 35 days mark he wont contact me, I probably will when he is the most vulnerable (if at all ). But I am not sure how if I would feel the need to contact him. I just want to hear the final word from him because he never said "yes" or "no" to trying to rebuild relationship. See what happens down the road

[SmartiePants]

Yes I am trying to let him go. Its just beyond my power. I know I will get to that point but not just yet. I hope no contact would really help me to heal and by the end of the 35 day I wont feel the need to contact him. Besides I have another guy on my radar I am planning to start dating. Its hard but he is a nice guy. So we'll see

[SmartiePants]

Thought I was doing OK. Bursting in tears now

[SmartiePants]

Today was OK. Thought of him half of the day and had a sudden urge to text him at some point. Shut the phone off and put it in my purse instead. Then all of the sudden decided he was not worth all my suffering and if he really loves me and wants me he will make an effort to reach me at some point to work things out. If not then I deserve someone who would want me and would be willing to work on relationship during bumpy times. This made me feel much better and my self confidence got a boost. Also kinda tried to switch my mind onto another guy who I am planning to go out soon with. Not sure if anything will come out of it but worth trying. At least for the purpose of getting my mind off my ex. Day 5 is almost over

[SmartiePants]

It's funny how a couple of months ago when he became more distant I thought of possibility of not hearing from him in 24 hours. It is because we always kept in touch, never a 24 hours gap. Well, today is day 5 completed. Feeling sad again

[maybejune]

Thank you for your response. I felt that he cared a lot in the beginning and put a lot of effort. But once he got me he stopped trying. Perhaps it was partly my fault that I did not set the standards high but I fell in love so fast as so deep I was afraid to lose him. I understand that men like to chase women and I made myself too available. Maybe it turned him off, I dont know. I tried to get over him but I cant. But I told myself if he really loved me he would want to be back. If I cut the contact and if he does not try to reach me that would be my answer I suppose

(I don't have suggestions on reconciliation--too hard and too painful, but your experience is like mine, I can't help to chain in)

You are not alone, like another reply says. I went through similar rocky relationship, and ended it for the exactly same reason, and I didn't want anything to do with my ex at the time of breakup and the first month. Then I broke my NC.

No matter what he said to you, the first few months was just a show, I learned to not take that period too seriously, meaning that period does NOT reflect who he is, hence, do not let yourself fall for him . And don't blame yourself, we will be better next time.

I didn't set my standard high either, I am not high maintenance, but I do have my preference, which he cracked it and pushed my boundaries. it was so sneaky that I let it go unnoticed. Yes, next time, we will say no no no to things we aren't comfortable with from the beginning, if he gets turned off then he gets crossed from your dating life.

Here are some clichés:
1 Maybe he liked you, maybe not, that's not under your control. More importantly, remind yourself that does not define who you are, how wonderful you are.
2 Accept the relationship, which you care(d) the most and want(ed) the most (I did too), is not available. Accept that, so you can start to make peace with yourself. Try to go out, don't stay at home too much time.
3 talk to us here, or trees , plants, river, (if you feel your friends are bored about your stories) when you have thought about him. And no contact with him.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like the newness wore off and the complications with distance took its toll. There's not much you could have or shouldn't have done. Basically he was losing interest doing the "slow fade" method to end things and you sensed it and pulled the plug. The distance and 'too busy' thing won't be fixed no matter what you do . Just stay no contact, he knows your info but hasn't contacted you, right?

We did not get to see each other often though as we are both quite busy and live far from each other. I think this was the foundation of the problem. I started to feel that I was putting more effort and he was always busy, started cancelling our dates etc.

[SmartiePants]

Thank you maybejune. The more I think of it the more I realize how stupid I was. I still cant believe in 7 months I fell so deeply for him as never before. How is it even possible? What has he done to me? He just charmed me, seduced me and then threw away and moved on. And stupid me still loves him even though I realize he does not deserve my love. Its hard on me because I don't know how to trust someone next.

[SmartiePants]

Wiseman2, Yes its exactly how I felt. He was fading away creating the circumstances that it would look like I was the one who is crazy and he was fine with everything. He is the type of guy who would never say anything bad or hurtful or do anything that would look bad. I bet he did not want to end it from his side but was doing everything to push me to end it so he would remain a "nice guy". BTW the "distance" was only about 40 min away
Yes he knows my # and of course he did not reach me and never will. Not what I care anymore. Having said that, I actually sent him a text this morning not because I felt I needed to reach him but rather I was still hoping he would admit its over so I would be 100% certain to move on to the next guy. He did not respond, I knew he would not. Who cares, I tried. At least I know its over because he avoids the subject. We never had a closure ,so I followed up with final email where I stated what I thought of our relatioship, what was good and bad, wished him luck and let it go. Funny enough, I felt I needed to do that to feel better and I am now. I read people get depressed when they break no contact and dont hear back. I actually dont care because I know he wont respond. I know he will read it. I got my point across. There is nothing else left to say. I feel great today for doing that and finally dropping the weight of uncertanty off my shoulders. I know its over, even though he never confirmed that verbally, I'll take his ignoring me as yes. I will keep posting here as I am sure I will feel ups and downs down the road. I wont contact him and neither will he reach me. As of today I care more about myself and my worth than about him. Sure enough he was fun and handsome, but its not enough and not worth my suffering. I still love him, but it will pass. Time heals

[SmartiePants]

When I look back I realize I should've paid more attention to some things. But when you are in love you are blind, right? We both came out of long term relationship before we met. Although I am now doubtful he actually did come out. Maybe he is still with her, I don't know and don't care. I was married before and they lived in common law. He was the first guy I let near me after my ex husband, and it actually took me almost 2 years because I dont take relationships lightly. He said he had 3 gf after his long term gf. I now think its easy for him to jump from one gf to another. I was just a number on his gf list. I was stupid enough to think I was somehow more special? haha. Oh well, at least I learned something