Am I expecting too much too soon?

This guy and I have been dating around a month. One afternoon came that I didn’t hear from him all day, and I ended up coming on too strong in how I reacted to that. He admitted to me that it spooked him a bit bc he didn’t think we were there yet. We both agreed we still wanted to spend time together and get to know each other and see where this could go. A week after having this talk, I asked him out to the movies. He happily accepted right away. We set a plan and the next day we went. After the movie, I expected the night to be over but he asked if I wanted to go grab a bite to eat. So we did and spent another few hours together. 2 days after that I went to his job to meet up with a friend, on a night he doesn’t usually work, but he had ended up picking up a shift so he was there. He seemed happy to see me, he was attentive, came over many times to make conversation, walked me to my car, flirted a lot, told me to call him the following day. When I asked if he wanted to do something he said that he did. I called the following day around 6pm but no answer so i left a message just saying if he still wanted to do something to give me a call. Yesterday I text him about a work situation and he messaged me back a lot with some good advice but nothing was said about the missed phone call the day before. It has only been a week and a few days since we sat and discussed the incident that spooked him and caused him to pull back, and since that conversation we’ve been in each other’s company twice but he hasn’t been holding my hand and kissing me like he used to. I feel like things should go back to the way they were before if he still likes me. And his in person actions seem to say that he does but I don’t know if maybe I’m just expecting too much too soon. I don’t want to question him on any of this yet again seeing as it hasn’t even been a full two weeks since we talked out everything. So again, am I expecting things to return to “normal” too quickly?

You are getting way ahead of yourself and need to slow down. What's the big hurry? Take time to get to know each other, dont rush. Ask him to meet for coffee next week, dont be pushy.

You asked him to the movies. After that, in my opinion, you should've waited for him to ask you out to gauge his continuing interest. Even though he's been attentive when he has been around you, you're the one who keeps making contact without giving him the opportunity to either show you his interest or disinterest as far as initiating the date.

Leave him alone, and only respond if he contacts you. If he ignores you or doesn't ask you out as often as you'd like at this point in the dating game, chalk it up to incompatibility or disinterest on his part.

There is soooo much riding on this so prematurely...

What was your "reaction"?

Stop chasing this guy. Why are you always reaching out and asking him for dates.

You are way too eager. Slow your roll.

Well, you know, people have other things to do, lives to live, and possibly other friends to keep in touch with. And most guys are not avid texters. Yeah, see if he contacts you for a date.

Did you just break up with someone? Unfortunately you seem to be fast forwarding this into an insta-relationship. What's the reason you are coming on so strong and getting in his face about not responding asap, acting like a long-term bf etc.? There is no "normal" after dating only 4 weeks.

Slow way down before someone feel trapped and suffocated by all this type of behavior and bolts. Dating is to get to know someone, not confront them repeatedly about communication and with relationship talks.

dating around a month. One afternoon came that I didn’t hear from him all day

-I asked him out to the movies.

-I went to his job

-I called the following day around 6pm but no answer so i left a message just saying if he still wanted to do something to give me a call.

-I text him about a work situation

-we sat and discussed the incident that spooked him

-I don’t want to question him on any of this yet again seeing as it hasn’t even been a full two weeks since we talked out everything.

You called, he didn't answer, and you left a voicemail. I don't know why a missed call needs to be a main focus or that it warrants a lengthy discussion. With any of your friends and family, do you expect a long discussion about a missed call? No, you probably don't. They call back and life goes on.

I think what's happening here is you're the only one reaching out. He's a limp noodle. I'm confused about him and his behavior, as he seems interested, yet does absolutely nothing when you're out of sight or when you're not reaching out. This could be low interest or this could be some dude who's too lazy or too insecure to actually actively participate in growing a relationship. Is he this lackadaisical and lazy about everything in life? Does he wait for other people to make things happen, or does he actively pursue his life and responsibilities?

I think it's time for you to back off. Let him reach out. If he's low interest, you won't hear from him. If he's lazy and waiting for you to call the shots, he's going to learn a life-lesson that he has to actively participate...he'll lose potential mates, one after the other, because no woman is going to stick around very long unless they are happy with a hen-pecking relationship.

I don't know what transpired with a high level of drama over not hearing from him, and maybe your drama broke the camel's back. He won't hold your hand or kiss you? Maybe you screwed up...you lost him...live and learn and try not to do this again, but this guy seems seriously wishy-washy at best; scurries at any hint of conflict or discomfort.

There is some serious anxiety coming from you, and I don't know how much of this is your thinking pattern and behavior, or his behavior is creating this. I don't know if he's worth the energy...I think it's time you drop the rope and let him extend some effort if he wants to be with you.

You need to pursue a man who is equally interested enough in you to actively participate and pursue.

I too think your over-reaction to his missed call was the beginning of the end for him.

Remember, these early stages are for evaluating each other to determine if someone is right for us.

Feelings are tenuous, and something like over-reacting and causing drama for something so innocuous as a missed call, speaks volumes to a man.

It sends the message that you are overly-needy, demanding and will suffocate him.

This is a huge turn off, which is why he has pulled back.

In response you become even more needy and start chasing.

He may be trying to find his way back to you, but try as he might it's not happening.

Leave him alone! Stop contacting him. Start doing your own thing and back off a bit.

When he does make contact and wants to see you, keep it light and fun!

No need for all these *discussions* -- men can't stand that, when they're with you, they want to relax and have fun!

You are being way too intense, dial it back and chill !

I agree with the others.... completely back off. Even if its a week or two before you hear from him. Let him figure himself out. you cannot convince a person you are "cool and not clingy" by saying you're not clingy. Or you just want or need confirmation from them.

nothing is more attractive than a person that has their own things going on. Even if that means you are watching tv in your pajamas! If you are not contacting him first, you obviously are cool and not clingy. be friendly when he calls etc. but be chill....

people naturally gravitate towards happy, content people. the naggy, needy people tend to repel others.

I think you’re coming on too strong, which is pushing him away.

Give him some space. Let him reach out to you and make plans.

After you called him and left a voicemail, I wouldn’t have bothered texting him (even if it was a work question. Could you have contacted someone else about this?). I can’t help but think you texted him (although you used the work excuse) because he hadn’t yet returned your call and you panicked.

Just sit back, breath, and let him contact you. Give him time to miss you.

Because as long as you continue what you’re doing, you’re going to push him away.

When a guy does this to me, I definitely get spooked.