Boyfriend Gets Upset Over My Male Friends

This all started with something small, a co-worker all of a sudden didn't have a ride home so I offered him one. He's significantly younger than me and nothing more than a friend. My boyfriend was a bit suspicious over it but it quickly dispelled.

A different co-worker and I became close, purely platonically. He actually doesn't even work at the job site any more. Before the blow up happened with my boyfriend I had gone to a friends birthday party where this co-worker had been, and I had even invited my boyfriend to come, but he wasn't into it.

This co-worker went in for very serious surgery, and ended up texting me once he was awake to let me know about what had happened. My boyfriend got extremely upset, asking if he needed to worry about this guy and saying that it's not appropriate for him to be texting me.

Lastly, my manager had mentioned his birthday was coming up, and he told me while visibly upset that he had no plans to celebrate. I offered to text other people on the job site to get together somewhere for drinks, and went home and was completely upfront about this to my boyfriend and invited him to come. Melt down.

My boyfriend says things like:

"You shouldn't be getting emotionally invested in people at work and then bringing it home"

Should I be concerned...?

Well, he doesn't trust you at all. Have you given him any reason not to in the past or, has he had an ex that cheated on him before and he's not processed and packed away that baggage?

I think its either he's insecure so doesn't trust you, he's burnt from a past relationship infidelity or he can't be trusted so he's projecting his behaviour onto you.

Should you be concerned? Yes because I'm sure you don't want to be controlled in such a manner as a lifestyle.

It would be helpful if you were to offer more insight into your relationship as a whole. I know you say it only started after that first incident you mentioned, but has he ever displayed similar behavior?

Has he been cheated on in the past?

Have you ever cheated in the past, either with him or someone else?

Any "red flags" in the relationship other than what's happening here?

It's not healthy to be jealous in a relationship, but jealousy of this magnitude can be very hurtful and emotionally draining, not to mention abusive if it gets out of hand.

Have you sat down and talked to him about all these incidents? It might be a good idea to do so.

Is this the same guy who was restraining you back in 2016? If it is, then your boyfriend is abusing you. If it isn't, then isolating you from friends and coworkers is a sign of emotional abuse. What else is he doing to you?

Maybe I'm biased because I have a lot of really good male friends, but to me the jealousy would be a deal-breaker. Why doesn't he trust you? If you answer is "I'm not sure" and you really have committed no acts of infidelity, he's being extremely controlling. Continue to have friendships with whoever you want unapologetically. Life cannot be all about your partner all the time.

I don't know. Maybe you two just aren't a good fit. You sound like you like to have lots of guy friends and your guy sounds like he might be a better fit with a girl who has a lot of girl friends but not guy friends.

Same guy from 2 years ago, who would physically restrain you?

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=522742

Or is this a newer guy, and perhaps you are drawn to controlling types?

Are you subconsciously getting a little more emotionally invested with these platonic guy friends to push a boundary, see how far your boyfriend will go?

If you can state categorically that you've never given him any cause to be jealous or doubt you, and are completely upfront with friendships and inviting him to meet these people, and he still behaves like this... BEWARE!!!

If you're a sociable kind of person and make friends easily, then of course you're going to be 'emotionally invested' in people at work - that's what friendships are. Of course you're 'bringing it home' because you're inviting him out to social events - that's what you do when you have a partner. I might be a little concerned if a partner was arranging get togethers with others and didn't invite me, unless there was a sound reason for it, but from your description above it doesn't sound as though you've done anything untoward.

Unfortunately, if you let your boyfriend control you like this, there will come a time when you're completely isolated from any kind of friendship/support network... and that's when the abuse really starts....