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Does love exist?


Kitkat666

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This is an broad question. I recently posted about dating someone for a few months who was heading in an emotionally abusive direction.

 

When I described what was happening to friends, some said that it was normal for someone to explode over small things, to consistently make ultimatums about ending the relationship and to mock me. I don’t find this normal at all and found myself walking on eggshells. My friends and family don’t treat me this way and previous relationships weren’t like this.

 

So my question is, is it more normal to be with someone snappy and potentially emotionally abusive? It seems unsettlingly common. How many people actually have a supportive, good long term relationship? Do they exist?

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No, that is not "normal".

 

And how sad for your friends that they think an abusive relationship like you've described is "normal".

 

I know many, many couples who have strong marriages and who love and respect one another. But you won't find that with a man who's abusive in any manner.

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I recently posted about dating someone for a few months who was heading in an emotionally abusive direction.

 

Your relationship was not heading in an emotionally abusive direction, you ARE BEING EMOTIONALLY ABUSED!

 

Google "emotional abuse" and "emotional dependency" and you will see yourself in the descsriptions on it.

 

And on of the worst symptoms is that the person thinks that this kind of relationship is normal or their boyfriend just has a temper or he's just stressed. NO! He's an abuser.

 

You need to realize this and get out of this relationship. Of course there is love! I've been married 22 years, together for 27 and we've never had an argument. We discuss things and make a decision about it. This is what mature people do.

 

Get out of your relationship.

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This is an broad question. I recently posted about dating someone for a few months who was heading in an emotionally abusive direction.

 

When I described what was happening to friends, some said that it was normal for someone to explode over small things, to consistently make ultimatums about ending the relationship and to mock me. I don’t find this normal at all and found myself walking on eggshells. My friends and family don’t treat me this way and previous relationships weren’t like this.

 

So my question is, is it more normal to be with someone snappy and potentially emotionally abusive? It seems unsettlingly common. How many people actually have a supportive, good long term relationship? Do they exist?

 

Does love exist is a different question from whether a good long term relationship exists. Of course love exists. Loving is giving, loving is an action of showing you care as well as a feeling. And I think you know that good long term relationships exist. I am in one. Is it perfect? No. Is it always good and supportive - no, but it's not abusive or if we lose our patience, start to lose "it" we don't go there as far as abusive.

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Thanks guys. Yeah. I was a bit surprised by some friends’ reactions. And I think some of them are either being abused or are the abusers. I just found it shocking that they didn’t seem to think this behaviour was abnormal. Thanks for giving good examples of long term relationships - it’s nice to hear some positive news!

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So my question is, is it more normal to be with someone snappy and potentially emotionally abusive? It seems unsettlingly common. How many people actually have a supportive, good long term relationship? Do they exist?

 

You obviously know the answer, so why would you replace your own judgment with bad advice?

 

All relationships being voluntary, it makes no sense to settle for lousy treatment from anyone. Does it?

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True. I guess it was more of a philosophical question. I would not settle for that treatment and would rather be alone - that’s why I just left my last relationship. But I found it shocking thst a lot of my friends think this behaviour is okay - and they are good people. So - I just wanted to hear from some people who had long term relationships that have been successful and respectful - replace the negative with the positive.

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A lot of people normalize abuse. It's startlingly common for abusers to think their behavior is completely acceptable and justified. Kudos to you for recognizing when someone is not treating you well, despite your friends' misguided opinions.

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True. I guess it was more of a philosophical question. I would not settle for that treatment and would rather be alone - that’s why I just left my last relationship. But I found it shocking thst a lot of my friends think this behaviour is okay - and they are good people. So - I just wanted to hear from some people who had long term relationships that have been successful and respectful - replace the negative with the positive.

 

Since nobody else is living your love life FOR you, nobody else gets a vote.

 

Set your bar high with clarity about what you want, and date ONLY people who are equally as clear about what they want and who want the same things. Otherwise, you'll open yourself to flakes and predators while pretending to be okay with not honoring what you want. That's how people gaslight themselves and start turning pretzels to conform to other people's garbage.

 

Skip that, and head high. Remain a model of self respect to those who believe that settling for mistreatment is 'normal,' and you will thank yourself later.

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