I have her a choice

So long story short. Two years ago I met my current girlfriend, in the past I have been burnt with past SO being friends with ex’s, flirting, or trying to keep a backup plan. So before me and my current girlfriend became official I told her that we both need to agree to no friends of the opposite sex, or friends with ex’s or keep in contact with them. Let me know what if this is something you can do if not let me know and I’ll keep searching. Apparently she said yes. Today I decided to go threw her phone and this is what I found [ATTACH]11521[/ATTACH][ATTACH]11522[/ATTACH][ATTACH]11523[/ATTACH] also that they been talking to each other after she gets off work on the phone.

Oh hell no. While I don’t agree with absolutely no friends of the opposite sex (as long as it’s always been platonic and your partner is comfortable), I do agree with no ex friends. Period.

Now with this. He says “what if” and says he’s too old. Kinda ending it. And she keeps it going! Talking about finding the right one.. when she is with you and YOU are supposed to be the right one. No. Inappropriate.

You had to go through her phone (I don’t judge you for that) but it shows you have had a feeling not to trust her. Not good.

Maybe I am reading this the wrong way I just don’t see why this conversation had to take place at all. And she initiated it.

I could be interpreting the message differently than you, but it seems fairly innocent. It sounds like she let him down easy and encouraged him to find someone else.

What brought you to look through her phone? You obviously don't trust your girlfriend. If she has given you a good reason not to trust her, then breakup with her. Otherwise, work on respecting her privacy.

Oh, and it's pretty insane to request that a partner not have any friends of the opposite sex. You did have the agreement at the beginning of your relationship, so at least your girlfriend knew what she was getting into, but sheesh! I get it's hard to trust after being burned in the past, but you have got to start working on alleviating some of your baggage. You will push your girlfriend away with this kind of insecure and controlling behavior.

Edit: I reread your original post and saw that they have been apparently speaking regularly on the phone. I would agree that is not appropriate if he is implying he wishes he was in a relationship with her. She also should be transparent about any contact she has with exes.

It's not really the content of the messages but rather the fact that she promised she wouldn't keep in contact with ex's and she lied.

It truly is up to you OP if you confront her or not, though if it were me, I would be bothered by the fact that you and she had an agreement and she broke that agreement.

You wouldn't even know that had you not gone through her phone.

It's a shame that people can't keep their promises.

Well, I just think this kind of "promise" is just totally unreasonable and it creates a vacuum that drives a person to seek out old friends. This isn't a solution to your problem of cheating SOs. Are you also controlling and manipulative in other ways too? You might be contributing to the problem.

Is this the same ex? Did you start dating when she was pregnant with his child?

10-02-2017: So My girlfriend ex just got out of prison and call her a few minutes ago asking about her and the baby, and the due date. So we had a discussion about it and I ask her why didn’t she just tell him no not to call her anymore

Is this the same ex? Did you start dating when she was pregnant with his child?

Yes, so this explains that this is not the first time she done this.

I could be interpreting the message differently than you, but it seems fairly innocent. It sounds like she let him down easy and encouraged him to find someone else.

 

What brought you to look through her phone? You obviously don't trust your girlfriend. If she has given you a good reason not to trust her, then breakup with her. Otherwise, work on respecting her privacy.

 

Oh, and it's pretty insane to request that a partner not have any friends of the opposite sex. You did have the agreement at the beginning of your relationship, so at least your girlfriend knew what she was getting into, but sheesh! I get it's hard to trust after being burned in the past, but you have got to start working on alleviating some of your baggage. You will push your girlfriend away with this kind of insecure and controlling behavior.

 

Edit: I reread your original post and saw that they have been apparently speaking regularly on the phone. I would agree that is not appropriate if he is implying he wishes he was in a relationship with her. She also should be transparent about any contact she has with exes.

I agree with this. I could read those text in a different light. Phone conversations though.... it's so easy to not answer the phone when you know who is calling.

Generally speaking, everyone has a choice not to answer a call. A girl might be very nice and want's to please everyone but if she really didn't wish to speak to her ex than she would ignore and tell him later (via text) that she didn't see the phone or some other excuse to avoid the phone call itself. She would only answer if she had some feelings left over for him and it could be the case of just some feelings left over. However phone calls everyday???? If I were in your shoes I'd probably do my thing and let her talk to him if she wants and let her walk if she wants. I'd just see her as a body at that point that fills a need. Then again it's hard if you are like in love with her. Good luck man.

Buddy, I don't know what to tell you. She keeps in touch with her ex(es). Many of us wouldn't be comfortable with it, and perhaps even less comfortable with it given other circumstances. But you can't tell people who they can or can't talk to. And even if you choose to, you've seen it doesn't work. Now you're invading her privacy as a result. You've gotta take it or leave it, and with your differences in boundaries, lack of trust, and this being something like an 8 month long issue, the answer would seem obvious.

If you have to go through your partner's phone, the relationship is already at it expiration date.

I don't see anything out of line on her end. She's not doing anything to create an ongoing relationship. She seems to be letting him down gently. Your expectation that she have no relationships with exes is one thing, but you are being unrealistic to say no communication ever. He messaged her, she responded but in no way was disrespectful of your relationship. You do not get to control another person. If you feel this is a violation of your boundaries, end the relationship, but do so knowing that based on the information presented it's unlikely you will find someone who will completely cut off communication with other people who used to be a part of their life just because you feel threatened by it. There's a big difference between an occasional "how are you doing?" and an ongoing relationship. Be realistic in your expectations.

we both need to agree to no friends of the opposite sex, or friends with ex’s or keep in contact with them

That sounds like major trust issues.

That sounds like major trust issues.

This is a 2 year old thread.

This is a 2 year old thread.

Aye, apologies for the necroposting. I don't remember how I ended up reading this old thread, but I hadn't noticed the posting dates.