Confusing and mixed signals

I need some advice concerning a man I met back in March for a first date after talking online through a dating website. Now, I am a single mother of three children and he is a single father of three kids as well. We both are very busy, with full time jobs and children. We also live about an hour and a half away from each other. When we first started to see each other he was always positive, talking about trips he hoped to go on, adventures he wanted to go on with me, things he liked to do. We talked all day and night. I know it’s only been a few months, but I really like this guy and when he is at my house visiting me, we have so much fun. He takes me out on dates, we hang out here and listen to music, we have great sex. He tells me hes crazy about me, he tells me he didn’t think he would care for me this much this soon. When he is here he is so attentive, affectionate and sweet. When he is not here he is distant, we barely speak and he seems kind of irritated. I used to get texts regularly throughout the day and now I get maybe 3 to 4 a day, he never calls me. We only see each other once a week, which is fine but I think it’s odd that he never invites me to his house. I did ask him about these things but I didn’t want to push the matter too much. I know it’s very soon and I’m trying to be patient, and I also understand that it can also be the fact that we are working and have kids and such.. Does anyone have any insight on this?

Sounds awful. Why are you accepting this?

Has he ever taken you out on a proper date?

If not, he just wants a booty call

The first few months you guys should be all over each other (the honeymoon phase). He should be taking you out, texting, calling, putting his best foot forward.

Instead of doing that, he seems to be lazy, uninterested, but interested enough in getting sex from you. Not getting to know you considering your dates are are your place.

It's also off putting and concerning that he's never invited you to his place. He might have something to hide. Are you sure he doesn't have a live in girlfriend or is still married?

I doubt this will work out. He's putting in the care minimum and I'm willing to bet if you put in as much effort as he does, things would end quickly

Next time, date someone who lives closer to you considering you're a busy woman and don't accept half a$$ get togethers from someone who clearly isn't that into you

Best of luck in the future

Wow. I read it differently.

He does make the effort and drives to see her, is attentive etc.

If I read it correctly there is a recent shift. He's crabby and not as communicative as he was before.

3 mo's and the honeymoon is wearing off some. It doesn't mean it's over but it is time to revaluate.

6 kids and 90 min round trip between you is challenging.

What's your ultimate goals here?

Are either of you willing to uproot your families?

 

It's also off putting and concerning that he's never invited you to his place. He might have something to hide. Are you sure he doesn't have a live in girlfriend or is still married?

I wondered this too.

Well being a 28 year old single mother is hard enough with one, nevermind 3 kids so I guess my ultimate goal is to eventually be with this man if that’s where this goes. I work in the medical field so I can go wherever I want so that really isn’t much of an issue. I’m not really thinking about moving anytime soon at this moment since it’s so fresh, you know? He is AMAZING when he is here with me. The other day he stayed after I went to work and hung out in the back yard with my dog lol. He takes me out on dates when we can, sometimes we can’t because I have my kids.. he has met them. I’m just so confused and he says all these things to me and it makes me feel so nice but then he gets distant after the next 24 hours.

Wondering why you didn't limit yourself to dating locally. It's more expensive to date long distance with all the gasoline used. You don't get to hang out as often. And if you eventually wanted to close the distance, one of you has to uproot the family, and the childrens' other parent might not go for that move, and possibly bar a move, along with one of you having to quit a job and seek employment in the new area.

Have you allowed your children to meet him already and see him spend the night? If so, it's not a good idea to do that until you're sure the relationship will be serious, which normally doesn't happen until at least the 6 month mark.

You can't expect the highs of a new relationship to last. 4 texts a day sounds fine to me. I do think a person who was into you would like to hear your voice once a day. If you want a person who does that, either communicate that or break up and find a guy who wants the same things as you.

Perhaps you could explain his irritation. What is it in response to? Are you nagging about how little he texts? I'd let him take the lead on communication and see if he comes through to gauge his interest at this point. Don't put in any more effort than him. If he lets you fade away, it means you need to move on. If he puts in minimal effort, but you're not satisfied, maybe he's not a good match. If he sees that you're not going to chase him or accept breadcrumbs, maybe he will rethink his behavior and step up to the plate. Let us know how it goes.

I live in a very small town and know a lot of people locally, our town has a regional school district and I also used to live close by and work close by. I have dated other men, but he has been the most stable of all the men I have dated. My children have not seen him spend the night, but they have met him. As for the long distance thing, he doesn’t seem to mind coming to visit me, usually when he comes and spends the night it’s on weekends I work because my kids are out of the house, I’m in at 7 am and that was his reasoning before why he should come to me instead of vice verse. His ex stepped out on him and the kids, my ex is currently not involved so if I do plan on “uprooting” the kids I’m sure they will be fine, I’m not really thinking about that right now. I don’t nag him about anything, I ask him how his day is going.. i don’t know maybe aggravated was the wrong word to describe it, but like I had said I know he may very well be busy. I have backed off on texting and reaching out, so we will see how it plays out. Thanks

You'd be willing to move your kids? Would their father have an issue with it? And would you be willing to be a blended family of 6 kids?

I am not trying to be negative. These are valid questions. Kudos to you if you can do it!

I get that you are somewhat living in the moment at this time, but he may not be. The same idea may be weighing heavily on him.

I need some advice concerning a man I met back in March for a first date after talking online through a dating website. Now, I am a single mother of three children and he is a single father of three kids as well. We both are very busy, with full time jobs and children. We also live about an hour and a half away from each other. When we first started to see each other he was always positive, talking about trips he hoped to go on, adventures he wanted to go on with me, things he liked to do. We talked all day and night. I know it’s only been a few months, but I really like this guy and when he is at my house visiting me, we have so much fun. He takes me out on dates, we hang out here and listen to music, we have great sex. He tells me hes crazy about me, he tells me he didn’t think he would care for me this much this soon. When he is here he is so attentive, affectionate and sweet. When he is not here he is distant, we barely speak and he seems kind of irritated. I used to get texts regularly throughout the day and now I get maybe 3 to 4 a day, he never calls me. We only see each other once a week, which is fine but I think it’s odd that he never invites me to his house. I did ask him about these things but I didn’t want to push the matter too much. I know it’s very soon and I’m trying to be patient, and I also understand that it can also be the fact that we are working and have kids and such.. Does anyone have any insight on this?

What was his response?

He said that he had a relationship over that winter, he introduced the woman to his kids and then they broke up, his 12 year old was really messed up about it. So THAT makes sense. His response to the texts and minimal communication is that he is tired and has the kids with him and he works all the time so he is busy.