How to deal with jealousy - or is it already over?

I have a problem that I just don’t know how to handle. I’ve been very close friends with someone that I’ll refer to as X for about three years. It’s a long-distance friendship, but we talk over a video game chat a few times a week. Within the last few months we started flirting somewhat jokingly, that turned more serious. It has become a mistake, as it’s left us in a gray area. We are both in our twenties, but X and I have never dated before and neither of us ever worked up the nerve to ask the other to put a label on what we had as perhaps more than a friendship.

Unfortunately, I learned last night she does indeed have a crush on me — feelings I told her I reciprocate. However this admittance came out during an argument where I was trying to get her to communicate more with me.

We had an issue in the past where she felt that I preferred spending more time with my friends than with her, something we talked through and I promised to alott more quality time to just the two of us and be more conscientious of her feelings, assuring her that she isn’t second-best, because she honestly isn’t.

To return to the problem, after we admitted our feelings last night, X never responded to me. She had told me that she’s too jealous of my in-person friends and while she knows it’s unreasonable and wants to be better, she wants my time to be spent with her. But because she knows her expectations are too oppressive she suggested maybe we’re better off staying friends and distancing ourselves and talking less, but has left the final decision uncertain as she’s yet to speak to me again.

I worry that I’ve lost something before it’s even started, and it’s heart-breaking to think that we won’t even be as close of friends anymore, either. How can we healthily work through this jealousy, or is it really a lost cause? It’s worth noting that X is not jealous because she thinks I would date someone else — she just has far fewer friends than I do, so the time I spend with MY friends is time she spends alone.

I take it you've never met in person. Do you video chat? Before you go too far down the rabbit hole of an online relationship, always make sure the person is who they claim to be. Even though you've "known" each other for years, you don't really know a person until you spend a significant amount of time with them in real life.

As far as the jealousy goes, it's a big red flag. The two of you aren't even in an exclusive committed relationship and she's already taking issue with your real-life friends who she's never met. It's a crazy scenario. Controlling and isolating behaviors driven by jealousy worsen over time. If you want to be her friend, go for it, but my suggestion would be to look for a partner in your locality who is happy you have a social life.

We have indeed video-chatted often. I probably know more about her than my in-person friends, to be honest. We had also made plans for me to fly to see her in the state she lives in in October, when I have the time off and money to do so. I think what gives me pause and hope for change is that even she is aware that her feelings are wrong and doesn’t want to feel that way, but I just don’t know what to say or do to begin helping her through said jealousy. I’ve yet to find anyone locally that has interested me, but I care for her and look forward to any time I spend with her.

Well, it's up to you if you want to take that baggage on, but only she can change her line of thinking. As it seems like you know, relationships take a lot of trust to function, especially long-distance ones.

She's a wacko. You haven't even met her and you're having online arguments with her? And she's jealous of your online friends? Puh-leese! She's a nightmare. You do not want to get involved with this girl! Block her. Keep away from her. She's a lonely nut who can't deal with a real-life relationship. And this is why. By the way, people like this don't change, and I doubt whether she could even bluff you for a period of time. Just stay away from her.

I completely agree with DanZee. This girl hasn't even met you in person and she's jealous that you want to spend time with real life friends instead of her?? Then you go on and explain that it's because she has no friends of her own!!? SHE IS PSYCHO.