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So I've been with my gf/wife for almost 9 years and we have been having issues for like the last year well last night I sent a very explict and hot message to her and all I got back was awww baby I love you. I don't know why but that really bothers me I mean she didn't even smile and when she read it I was next to her and she text it she didn't even say it

God maybe I'm just tripping. But maybe I'm not thought I'd see what other people thought.

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I can understand your disappointment giventake. To you it might have been this big step to turn things around and start spicing up the relationship again, but she may have been completely elsewhere mentally. If you want to make changes, keep doing little things here and there and don't get discouraged. She probably will follow your lead, but it takes more than one sexy text.

 

What were your issues before?

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If you've been having issues for a year, and she didn't respond in the way you expected, that sexy texts from you is not what will improve the relationship. Do you regularly give her affection during times when sex is not on your mind? Whereas if you two don't plan on having sex, do you give her a warm hug while you meet up just walking through a room? Do you hold hands while watching t.v. on the couch? When you're at work, do you text her that you miss her? Do you pick up things she needs from the store that you know she's run out of without her asking? Do you take on chores she doesn't like to save her from doing them? Do you offer to massage her neck or back when you see her rubbing her neck, etc?

 

All of those things are actually foreplay in a woman's mind, and will have the woman desiring a man more than any sexual comments a man might make when he's horny. Those comments are fun sometimes, as long as all the other caring things are happening as well. Otherwise, the woman may feel as though she only gets attention when her guy is horny.

 

I don't know what your situation is, but these are some helpful hints just in case.

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Why would you send her a text when she's right next to you? Was it a below the belt pic? Were you hoping for sex? It's best to romance your gf for sex besides sexting. It's a fine answer from your gf, what's the problem?

last night I sent a very explict and hot message to her and all I got back was awww baby I love you. I don't know why but that really bothers me I mean she didn't even smile and when she read it I was next to her
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Sounds like you're missing the honeymoon stage of the relationship. A lot of people (especially men in my experience) equate sexual desire with love. The heat of sex in a relationship always turns down over time, and the two of you have been together a long time. I get your concern if you've been having issues for a minute, but sexy texts isn't the way to solve long-standing relationship issues. Don't send them to her while she's in the room, and don't send them at all if they're going to shake your security on your relationship.

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I don't know why but that really bothers me
The first thing you have to do is figure out why her response bothered you and to stop having these unvoiced expectations of her. You are being extremely unfair to sext her when you're sitting right beside her instead of courting/seducing her directly. If its a sexy response you want back then do the personal work you did in the beginning to get into her pants.

 

I am shocked that you would sext her when you'r beside her and expect more then what you got. You should be glad she told you she loved you and didn't just throw her phone at you and leave.

 

... and yes, is she your wife or is she your girlfriend? You say "wife/gf" in your opening post.

... What are the "issues" you two have been having for the last year?

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As a woman I personally don’t get turned on by sexting. It’s awkward to me. Especially if he was sitting right next to me. Maybe it’s just not her thing.

 

Andrina has some great suggestions that I think you will get more of a positive response from.

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I don't think OP did anything wrong by what he described. He had expectation that his going out on a limb would be reciprocated. But being told you're cute after that kind of risk is a little demeaning and the initiation clearly wasn't reciprocated. OP feels rejected. I would too.

 

I guess OP maybe you could change your approach? Perhaps a little more flirty or subtle?

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