She's back apparently and I'm not really sure how to react !

So my ex suddenly out of the blue messaged me for my Bday last Thursday, I initially was shocked and thought she was just trying to be polite, as she didn't give any life signs for 6 months.

For context I hap to breakup with her because she admitted not being ready at the time, here's the link to the thread I made back when breakup was done and wanted advice.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=547707

So as I'm no ghosting ass****, I replied and thanked her that my day was fun ! Since then she's been writing without me asking anything, how she's changing work, city and manages her

stress better now. Also always asking how I'm doing or feel, to which I didn't reply directly, because in all honesty I was getting much better started seeing interested women and suddenly

these messages felt like a big punch in the gut, almost took me back months ago messed up !

Still she continued to ask about me and as I had a motorcycle accident she also worried apparently, but I can't say I'm happy I rather feel angry at her behavior, she didn't contact me for

months and now tells me how happy she is like nothing happened moving on, kind of it seems trying to qualify that she changed and I guess looking if I'd want her back.

But there is a part of me that still doesn't want to lose her, maybe because this got me back a bit in a bad state, I'm not really sure about anything right now...

So I spoke out my frustration, told her though I'm happy she's progressing, I'm not going to pretend I'm fine with her behavior and speak as if nothing happened.

Maybe I'm a terrible person for being angry, I don't know but I just don't know how to interact with her anymore, If anyone has insights please ?

I think you have every right to be angry.

If you're seeing other women why should it matter?

She wished you happy birthday. I would think that all it means is she does care and is thinking about you. You left the door open for her to walk back into your life. Maybe during the time she was gone she's done some reflecting too.

From your last post:

I still intend to live my life in the meantime, because I know there is little chance she comes back, I know how it works since men are the ones doing

the courting

You're not going to get the initial spark back. There is however the possibility of creating a new spark. I know being rejected sucks, ask yourself if she's worth the risk?

so what do you think, if I don't want to close the door on us meeting again in the future, for a possible relationship, should I just stay on her mind periodically texting

nice things, or just stop texting completely?

So I told her to take time and think, stop calling me every evening like before and no more texting either. (You're mad at her behavior but you told her this.) She cried but agreed and said she was

very sad about the situation.

So I told her to take time and think, stop calling me every evening like before and no more texting either. (You're mad at her behavior but you told her this.) She cried but agreed and said she was

very sad about the situation.

Well that was 6 months ago, since we have common friends though don't live in the same city, I said it's fine if she contacts me the door was opened, even though I needed time alone to heal. But she never

did and now acts like we're all good, now that her life is going on so I'm not really happy about that

In my mind you either acknowledge you care even letting the person alone, periodically just showing you're there, or you cut the crap about friendship etc move on and just never interact again.

It wasn't my place to text her as I tried to forget her, still she could and if really it would've annoyed me I would have told her.

Hm, well I do want to point out that you not replying would not have been ghosting her. It would have simply been NC, which it sounds like would have done you some good to follow. You were finally healing and feeling better. Replying to a simple birthday text put her back in your head and your heart.

You're right to not immediately forget the past. It's easy for an ex to pop back and say they've changed, but much harder for them to prove it. I would be suspicious of contact after six months of silence. She may have had a relationship with someone else and is using attention from you as an ego stroke. Would you be talking to her at all if you knew she was sexually and romantically involved with others recently?

Bottom line: if you're going to pursue the possibility of a relationship again with her, make sure she wants it and is ready before jumping back in. She needs to display a consistent change in behavior. My advice to you would be to drop communication and continue to move on your life, though. It's unlikely she won't pull the same behavior again.

Hm, well I do want to point out that you not replying would not have been ghosting her. It would have simply been NC, which it sounds like would have done you some good to follow. You were finally healing and feeling better. Replying to a simple birthday text put her back in your head and your heart.

 

You're right to not immediately forget the past. It's easy for an ex to pop back and say they've changed, but much harder for them to prove it. I would be suspicious of contact after six months of silence. She may have had a relationship with someone else and is using attention from you as an ego stroke. Would you be talking to her at all if you knew she was sexually and romantically involved with others recently?

 

Bottom line: if you're going to pursue the possibility of a relationship again with her, make sure she wants it and is ready before jumping back in. She needs to display a consistent change in behavior. My advice to you would be to drop communication and continue to move on your life, though. It's unlikely she won't pull the same behavior again.

That's why I told her I'm not happy how she reached out and it really feels she wants back, otherwise she wouldn't have told me all the details in her seeking job, the issues of breaking current contract

and that's she'll move then, as well as managing her stress, which were all things I told her she should address, if she wanted to be happy even if without me !

I really don't know how I feel about her anymore, it's angered me too much right now, but I sure as hell am waiting for a genuine explanation and apology, to even consider talking some more maybe I'm

a bit selfish but I think I kind of have reasons.

Why wasn't she ready before? What actual changes do you need to see to think the relationship is worth investing in? Would you be entertaining an ex if you had really tried to move on? Are you simply feeling lonely and nostalgic? Ask yourself the big questions. Yo-yo relationships tend to be. a lot less healthy and satisfying and live off toxicity. If you haven't given anyone else a shot since the breakup, you are susceptible to being taken for a ride.

Oh, and if she hasn't directly brought up getting back together, she may not want to. People reach out to exes for a multitude of reasons. She could very well disappear as easily as she reappeared.

Why haven't you blocked and deleted her? Stop being a masochist.

Did you only date this girl for four months? I believe it was a LDR? You really need to move on.

You only dated this girl for four months? It was a LDR? Move on!

Why haven't you blocked and deleted her? Stop being a masochist.

 

Did you only date this girl for four months? I believe it was a LDR? You really need to move on.

 

You only dated this girl for four months? It was a LDR? Move on!

We dated for almost 6 months and no it wasn't a LDR, never having one of these again, she just lives in a village an hour away.

I didn't block her because she didn't do anything bad per se and we have friends in common, so won't just go away like this.

Why wasn't she ready before? What actual changes do you need to see to think the relationship is worth investing in? Would you be entertaining an ex if you had really tried to move on? Are you simply feeling lonely and nostalgic? Ask yourself the big questions. Yo-yo relationships tend to be. a lot less healthy and satisfying and live off toxicity. If you haven't given anyone else a shot since the breakup, you are susceptible to being taken for a ride.

 

Oh, and if she hasn't directly brought up getting back together, she may not want to. People reach out to exes for a multitude of reasons. She could very well disappear as easily as she reappeared.

I did give someone a go in the meantime, but she was unable to talk of her past which made her very cringy, so had to let it go.

I'm not at all nostalgic and don't think of really anything serious, because anyway she'd need to show public affection, show me that when stressed she won't shutdown and she's making decisions for her life rather than letting it happen, all things she didn't do back then.

Given the situation you don't think she deserved to have time to sort her life out alone and recharge?

You're better off talking to her about it.

Based on the last comment, I don't know this woman's fill story, but those behaviors don't just change. You sound pretty set in having another go with her, though. I wish you luck, man. Second breakups are generally rougher than the first. There a reason why so many people rep NC on here. You go through the whole second chance move enough times, and you start to realize that if you weren't compatible the first time, you probably won't be the second time.

Hi LG, nice to see you, even if under the current circumstance.

So she reached out to you, wished you a happy birthday, and has continued reaching out, sharing about her life, asking how you’re doing/feeling, etc.

And your response to all that is anger.

I am wondering if this is a male thing, cause I’ve read quite a few posts from other guys who also feel anger when their ex reaches out, after weeks or months of no contact.

To me it’s a strange response, because, as a woman, I wouldn’t feel anger; I might feel confusion, but not anger.

If I thought I’d feel angry if an ex reached out, it would mean I haven't healed and would have blocked him to avoid that unsettling emotion, and continued the healing process.

Wondering why you haven’t? I mean since you know yourself, and know you feel angry whenever she reaches out, to me it makes no sense why you continue to leave the lines of communication open. Even if the RL ended on good terms.

Not judging, just wondering, it’s quite baffling to me.

In one month I have a wedding in which the groom is my friend and the bride is hers, so I don't really have the luxury to be cold and cut contact, don't want an incident at the wedding...

Of course I'm angry she said I counted for her and she didn't want to lose contact, as I said to her friends, the door was opened she could call me.

But 6 monthsof silence later she chooses my bday as a pretext to renew contact, just as I was putting all this behind me, can you imagine how thrown back I was and how annoying this is !?

How many times women told me they should have never broke up with me Yadi Yadi, I just can't take this crap it infuriates me.

I don't know what makes people think I want another go with her, I don't and sure she needed time to work on her that's not the problem.

I'm trying to stay civil and not just block her and act like an ass****, because of our friends, but I just don't know how to get rid of this anger and talk to her so she gets it...

LD, apologies I think you may have misunderstood my post.

I am not questioning your anger, I am questioning why you haven't blocked her since hearing from her makes you so angry!

From what I understand about blocking, when someone who's been blocked texts you, their text gets lost somewhere in cyberspace, you won't receive it nor will she know you've blocked her.

She will simply think you either didn't receive it or are choosing to not respond.

Which given how she hasn't reached out in six months, she certainly could not blame you for. Under the circumstances, blocking certainly would NOT deem you some sort of ass**** or anything of the like; to the contrary, it would deem you a man with self-respect who won't allow an ex to jerk him around!

JMO, but I think some are suspecting you may want to get back with her as you have not only not blocked her, but are choosing to continue responding to her texts!

By doing so, you are not being honest, either with her, or yourself. I mean, you're pissed off, which is fine! You're entitled. Own that and react accordingly, by ignoring and not engaging.

I understand you want to be "civil," you can still be gracious and civil (at the wedding) but still choose to NOT engage.

I told you wedding soon and with the friend we have I cannot just ignore her, that's how it is, I thought this was being adult I'm surprised everyone just says block her and don't give a ****, I haven't been educated to run away from issues !

Your last post, now it appears you're angry at me! For simply challenging you, wow.

Look dude, I've always liked your posts, and didn't mean to get you so wound up.

You asked for our opinions as to how react to her reaching out, and I gave you mine.

And I will give you another one (take it or leave it); you may not be running away from her (per se), you're running away from yourself, your own feelings. By continuing to engage, all the while being as angry as you are, you are not being true to yourself and your own healing. It's disingenuous.

Again JMO.

This will be my last post on your thread, good luck!

Not angry at you, but really can't get her out of my life when if I wanted to. So what choice do I have here !?

I'm only running away from people who aren't true to their word, or think they can come back as if nothing changed.

Apologies, I misspoke - this will be my last post.

There is a saying I quite like and said quite often on these forums.

We teach people how to treat us.

By continuing to engage, you're teaching her that she can walk in and out of your life whenever it suits her, and not stay true to her original word.

Again, good luck.

Apologies, I misspoke - this will be my last post.

 

There is a saying I quite like and said quite often on these forums.

 

We teach people how to treat us.

 

By continuing to engage, you're teaching her that she can walk in and out of your life whenever it suits her, and not stay true to her original word.

 

Again, good luck.

That's very well observed, I will tell her that, she can't go and come back as she likes, but hopefully after the wedding I won't need to have any contact, or ask my friends if she comes.

Thanks Katrina.

Yeah, if your worry is that you'll see her in person at the wedding, I can understand not wanting to be totally cold. Make sure you honor your feelings, though. You don't have to conversate with her at the event if you don't want to. If she approaches you, keep it short and distant. She'll likely take the hint. Oh, and obviously go easy on the booze at the wedding. Alcohol is always a lubricant for ex-sex.

maybe because she will see you at the wedding, she wanted to test the waters with you to see if if would be too weird to attend with you being there, despite it being her friend getting married, or to assess if you could be cool about things and she could go to the wedding and interact with her friends and it not be big drama that you are there. WHo knows. She could have talked about work either because she was nervous about what to say --- or because you broke up with her because she wasn't ready for a relationship or whatever - maybe she is now.

Maybe instead of angry you take the bull by the horns "i was surprised that you contacted me. I broke up with you because you were not ready for a relationship. If nothing has changed, I will probably run into you at the wedding, so let's both agree that we will hang with our friends and not make it more awkward than it has to be. But please don't contact me again. If you have reflected and decided you are in a good place for a relationship, then we can talk at some point after the wedding happens.

If i misunderstood the situation and you didn't break up because of that, then leave out the getting back together. Lots of people aren't ready then are ready.

maybe because she will see you at the wedding, she wanted to test the waters with you to see if if would be too weird to attend with you being there, despite it being her friend getting married, or to assess if you could be cool about things and she could go to the wedding and interact with her friends and it not be big drama that you are there. WHo knows. She could have talked about work either because she was nervous about what to say --- or because you broke up with her because she wasn't ready for a relationship or whatever - maybe she is now.

 

Maybe instead of angry you take the bull by the horns "i was surprised that you contacted me. I broke up with you because you were not ready for a relationship. If nothing has changed, I will probably run into you at the wedding, so let's both agree that we will hang with our friends and not make it more awkward than it has to be. But please don't contact me again. If you have reflected and decided you are in a good place for a relationship, then we can talk at some point after the wedding happens.

 

If i misunderstood the situation and you didn't break up because of that, then leave out the getting back together. Lots of people aren't ready then are ready.

No you got it exactly right, but basically that's what I told her that I didn't understand her sudden envy to talk to me after 6 months of silence and that I wasn't going to talk as if these months didn't happen,

so I didn't express my anger, I'm still angry at her behavior it seems exes have a 6th sense that tell them when the other is moving one, then they suddenly come back.

In this situation if you want back be freaking clear, I don't need to read between the lines and waste my time on that and if not being clear also avoids anger and drama.

No you got it exactly right, but basically that's what I told her that I didn't understand her sudden envy to talk to me after 6 months of silence and that I wasn't going to talk as if these months didn't happen,

so I didn't express my anger, I'm still angry at her behavior it seems exes have a 6th sense that tell them when the other is moving one, then they suddenly come back.

 

In this situation if you want back be freaking clear, I don't need to read between the lines and waste my time on that and if not being clear also avoids anger and drama.

I think that your anger is misplaced.

And no you didn't tell her the same thing as i was stating - you said "i wasn't going to talk as if 6 months of silence didn't happen!"

you act like 6 months of silence is something that she DID to you that was bad. YOU were the one who broke up with HER - you are the one that sent her away.

So the silence is neutral - its not something she did to you. It just was,

So -- what if she wanted to test the waters to see how you would receive communication - because you will be seeing eachother at the wedding - or what if she still has feelings for you and wanted to get up the courage to make contact? Its not something to be angry at her for?

You either state exactly what i stated without any huffiness or anger or you ignore her --- but this anger is so misplaced. Are you going to go to the wedding and cause a scene because she didn't contact you after you broke up with her? Honestly, if you hold active grudges like that, you did her a favor by dumping her -- who wants to live like that? Most people would have worked on moving on and therefore if they had to see their ex at an event like that - they could just be civil and then part their separate ways after the wedding again vs having an axe to grind. YOU were the one who dumped her, not the other way around

^^Wow, missed that OP dumped her, I need to start reading posts more closely!

LG, given that YOU ended it, not sure where this anger is coming from, and 100% agree with abitbroken!

You guys do not understand what happened, she told me how bad she felt in December and she didn't sleep anymore, as I said she would not make decisions, then she asked me what I thought continuing or being friends, she just wouldn't take the decision, I wanted to continue, but seeing how bad she was, the only solution was breaking up even though I didn't want to.

So sorry, after this she was relieved and went on with her life, while I was miserable and needed to process all this and what the future would be, then I don't see how it's my burden to contact her and I said to her friend my door was open for her.

So she could have contacted me anytime, I needed to be alone to process the sadness.

I know you missunderstood the situation, but about the scene at wedding theory and me acting like an ass***, please leave your fantasies and judgement out of here.

I think I have the right to be angry, that she didn't, especially that she's not clear and I moved on.

I'm being adult about it actually because I didn't yell out tell her mean stuff I'm trying to work it out.