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Thread: Looking to bring closure to my main problem(s)

  1. #11
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    I can related with wanting to remove that part of your brain that desires companionship. It would definitely spare a great amount of pain and time pursuing futile endeavours such as "love".

    Realistically you're just seeking an emotional need, that's it. Is any man or woman really worth torturing yourself over?

  2. #12
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    Does anyone have any suggestions for how to purge the desire and learn to be content with my situation? That was my original question, and it seems we've addressed everything but that.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Coolstorybro
    I can related with wanting to remove that part of your brain that desires companionship. It would definitely spare a great amount of pain and time pursuing futile endeavours such as "love".

    Realistically you're just seeking an emotional need, that's it. Is any man or woman really worth torturing yourself over?
    You see, that's an interesting question because I think people often frame it as - you shouldn't torture yourself over this one problem, when in reality, it's not just one problem. It's a slew of problems. Women reject you, so then it makes you question your overall person, which leads to feelings of inadequacy, which hurts other areas of your life, etc. It's not just one problem. It spans out into other problems, perceptions, and emotions. This is why it's kind of frustrating to hear people talk about suicide, saying things like, "what happened to you that made you want to do this?" That's a very ignorant and misinformed question. It's never just one thing, or an event that triggers it. It rather the confluence of many emotions and experiences that lead one to a very complex mindset that isn't so easy to unravel. Not sure if that makes any sense

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Your question boils down to: tell me how to not want what I do want.

    My question is: if I'd be willing to do what it takes to NOT want something, why wouldn't I just invest the same amount of focus, time, effort and money to exhaust all avenues toward getting what I want--or at the very least, enjoy enough self improvement along the way to bring me closer to the peace I seek?

    There's nothing I'd find peaceful about recognizing things about myself that I'd like to change but opting instead to not change those things.

    What, exactly, would be things that I could NOT change? We've all seen images of poor kids born with a cleft palette where surgery has given them a substantially better quality of life, and it takes a pretty myopic focus on self misery to not be inspired by people who suffer deformities or permanent injuries yet find within themselves the will to develop a talent or skill through which they build a passion for living.

    So decide where your commitment 'must' lie, and pursue it. If it's identifying the things about yourself that you don't like and then changing those, do that. If it's finding peace with a choice to NOT change the things you could otherwise change, then I hope you'll find an answer from a greater mind than mine.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Virtual
    You see, that's an interesting question because I think people often frame it as - you shouldn't torture yourself over this one problem, when in reality, it's not just one problem. It's a slew of problems. Women reject you, so then it makes you question your overall person, which leads to feelings of inadequacy, which hurts other areas of your life, etc. It's not just one problem. It spans out into other problems, perceptions, and emotions. This is why it's kind of frustrating to hear people talk about suicide, saying things like, "what happened to you that made you want to do this?" That's a very ignorant and misinformed question. It's never just one thing, or an event that triggers it. It rather the confluence of many emotions and experiences that lead one to a very complex mindset that isn't so easy to unravel. Not sure if that makes any sense
    But you've just said that it's women rejecting you, so that is the main problem? You've let it affect other areas of your life.
    You're giving too much power to other people's opinions, they don't live your life, and yet you let their insignificant opinions shape your life.

    Think of it this way; a relationship is just one more way for you to be betrayed, someone there to stab you in the back.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Your question boils down to: tell me how to not want what I do want.

    My question is: if I'd be willing to do what it takes to NOT want something, why wouldn't I just invest the same amount of focus, time, effort and money to exhaust all avenues toward getting what I want--or at the very least, enjoy enough self improvement along the way to bring me closer to the peace I seek?
    Who says there is anything peaceful about what you seek? We only have to look at these forums to know that is complete nonsense.
    Could your question be applied to addiction? Addiction really isn't that far from the topic, except the poster can't get his fix.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Coolstorybro
    Who says there is anything peaceful about what you seek? We only have to look at these forums to know that is complete nonsense.
    Could your question be applied to addiction? Addiction really isn't that far from the topic, except the poster can't get his fix.
    Sure, if I'm jonesing and want to change that, then I need to figure out what steps I can take to change that. I can try to get a 'quick' fix, and if that fails, then I can seek professional help.

    If I hate how I look, I can try quick fixes to change that, or I can seek professional help. That's not limited to a haircut or stylist. I can work with a trainer or I can consult various medical experts to learn my options and choose one or more of those options.

    If I have no social skills, I can stumble through the pain of learning by error, or I can consult a therapist and learn my options through doing the work or gaining referrals and working with specific experts in behavioral modification.

    I can't think of anything physical or mental that cannot be changed with the right focus and effort, and that's why I can't fathom finding peace with any situation that I want to change. If the ability to find a relationship ends up being a natural outcome of the changes I make, then great. If not, then the focus I invest in learning whatever it is that I need to improve about myself in order to gain that ability will bring its own rewards along the way.

    I believed for years that I'm not relationship material, so I took a breather from that misery-go-round in order to focus on my own development. Over time, I noticed that self development became its own reward. There was nothing 'peaceful' about believing that I'm damaged goods and cannot change that, but there's been plenty of peace in learning all of the things that I CAN change.

    Over the course of making those changes, the goal itself has changed.

    When you're in hell, don't stop. Keep moving forward until it occurs to you that you've left hell behind and you've reached higher ground. Your perspective from there can liberate you.

    It's a decision.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Your question boils down to: tell me how to not want what I do want.
    More or less. But not exactly. I'm asking primarily how to get rid of sexual desire, which in turn I feel will eliminate the pain associated with being rejected by women.
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    There's nothing I'd find peaceful about recognizing things about myself that I'd like to change but opting instead to not change those things
    I would no longer have a desire for It, therefore all the things that upset me about it now would no longer upset me. This, I believe would bring relief and peace of mind.
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    My question is: if I'd be willing to do what it takes to NOT want something, why wouldn't I just invest the same amount of focus, time, effort and money to exhaust all avenues toward getting what I want
    Because what I want is impossible for me to have. Hence, why I'm trying to exhaust my only other option, which is to eliminate the desire for it. That way I can live happy with that monkey off my back.

  10. #19
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    Unfortunately it's not easy to shut off sexual desire, since it's innate. Therapy could help you either way, whether to accept things or change things.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Virtual
    More or less. But not exactly. I'm asking primarily how to get rid of sexual desire, which in turn I feel will eliminate the pain associated with being rejected by women.

    I would no longer have a desire for It, therefore all the things that upset me about it now would no longer upset me. This, I believe would bring relief and peace of mind.

    Because what I want is impossible for me to have. Hence, why I'm trying to exhaust my only other option, which is to eliminate the desire for it. That way I can live happy with that monkey off my back.
    Naaah. You're creating a false impossibility. If you're not creative enough to satisfy your own sexual desires, then hire someone. Transactional sex doesn't require a relationship.

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