Jealousy over girl’s past

I’ve been speaking to a girl I haven’t met in person for quite a while now, and it’s gotten quite serious, to the point where we want to meet and stuff. But one thing that I can’t get off my mind is the past she has had. She’s 3 years younger than me but isn’t a virgin although I am, and I’ve never done anything with a girl which bothers me. She’s understanding about the situation but she seems to bring up what she enjoys to me a lot regarding what other people have done to turn her on or that makes her feel good and stuff, which in turn makes me feel awful about the situation. She’s said to me she regrets everything she’s done but I don’t think she does, she’s been hurt plenty of times so I’m trying my best not to upset her how I feel about the whole thing, because there’s one particular thing that bugs me. After she got out of a relationship with an ex, she went to one of the exe’s mates and did stuff with him to get back at her ex, which to me doesn’t sound like her but she is never shy about it or anything really. I’ve told her I trust her and I’m not being controlling (said she can talk to guys as long as it doesn’t get intimate, just as mates), I think I’m just extremely prone to jealous thoughts. I know I shouldn’t be concerned and put off by the past she’s had, and it’s not any of my business but I can’t help but not think about it and why she did these things when it doesn’t seem like it’s her character at all. If anyone has any advice or input for the situation, it would be greatly appreciated, thanks for reading!

She’s 3 years younger than me but isn’t a virgin although I am, and I’ve never done anything with a girl which bothers me. She’s understanding about the situation but she seems to bring up what she enjoys to me a lot regarding what other people have done to turn her on or that makes her feel good and stuff, which in turn makes me feel awful about the situation. She’s said to me she regrets everything she’s done but I don’t think she does, she’s been hurt plenty of times so I’m trying my best not to upset her how I feel about the whole thing, because there’s one particular thing that bugs me.

What’s in the past is in the past. She gave it up and can’t get it back. She’s learned from it and is moving forward. Not everyone you come across is perfect. What else do you expect her to do? And by not forgiving it, you ARE hurting her. So really, this is on you.

You got two choices: cut the contact with her or forgive this mishap and move on.

After she got out of a relationship with an ex, she went to one of the exe’s mates and did stuff with him to get back at her ex

Like what? Please be specific.

I can’t help but not think about it and why she did these things when it doesn’t seem like it’s her character at all.

You don’t really know this person. You guys haven’t even met or have a relationship.

I would guess you're both young...

Anyway, I second the above opinion and would like to add up some things to it:

1. You can't really say what fits her character and what doesn't. It's more like it doesn't fit your idea or desire to project a certain character onto her. People have a lot of personality layers. What matters is what traits they choose to nurture by making choices every day. It's quite possible to have done something and never do it again.

2. It's a good thing to know one's likes and dislikes. And it's a good thing to be able to say it out loud. Whether it's disrespectful depends on the way you say it. If she's told you 'Wow, that George guy did this and this to me and it felt like heaven' or 'I really like to be handled that and that way' is very different. After all, one gets to know themselves through experience.

3. It's a good that you know you shouldn't be bothered of someone's past. If you can't let it go, I would say that's on you to sort out. Probably your insecurity comes from comparing yours and hers experience in that certain area and choosing to feel inferior over that. I know someone that couldn't let go of his girlfriend's past and it made their relationship a living hell for him. You should work on your personal insecurities, not force them onto your object of romantic interest. Good luck with that.

But really, before deciding anything, go and meet that girl and see how it goes with you two. You don't really know anyone you have never met in person. You only know your own projection onto them.

Judging someone without even knowing them is wrong. She didn't know you when she was living her life just as you didn't know her while you were living your life before you "met" so you really have nothing to dwell on do you?

There is no score card in a healthy relationship and the sooner you accept that the better off you will be. This all sounds like insecurities showing their ugly head. You may feel inadequate and so you resent her past. Besides her "past" is nothing in the grand scheme of life.

Forget about this imagined problem you have created in your mind by focusing on actually meeting her in person and getting to know each other in real life. The sooner the better...

What you each think you know about each other right now is nothing compared to what you will discover in person.

Lost

Sexual experience isn't a competition. Stop shaming her for having it. Ya I get it when we are starting to fall for someone, and the thought of them with others we get all jelly over it. It's a natural reaction BUT you are missing out on have some experience yourself. She is very interested in YOU and only you and that should count for something. Trust me you want a girl with experience. It's way easier, and more fun. She isn't going to get all frigid on you, but instead have np going down on you. So stop complaining and get on with it.

Just go meet the girl. You may not like her. It sounds like she's been using texting as a confessional. Telling a virtual stranger about her sexual history. And you're getting carried away by telling her not to get intimate with other guys. The Internet creates a false sense of intimacy. You don't really know her. You're not dating. So stop texting her and go meet her. Don't waste your time talking to a stranger. See if there's anything that's really there.

You don't know this girl other than as an online persona, so who knows where this will go. It sounds as though you've already judged her as not being worthy.

In general I don't think it's a good idea to discuss your sexual past or that of your partner unless you're sure you can handle the information. There are many threads on here (mainly from guys) who are all upset about their partners being promiscuous ten years ago despite it being really, glaringly, obvious that the partner in question is madly in love with them and not interested in anyone else; or that they were a virgin but their girlfriend wasn't. In other words, they are ruining perfectly good relationships because of something which happened in the past and was nothing to do with them.

If you're concerned about someone cheating in the present, that's different. But it's best to leave the past firmly where it belongs - in the past.

It's best not to live in a fantasy world engaging with what could be a catfish, scammer, escort etc. Get away from behind the screen and start meeting girls in real life. As long as you hide behind a screen, you'll stay a virgin...maybe that's why you're doing this.

I’ve been speaking to a girl I haven’t met in person.She’s 3 years younger than me but isn’t a virgin although I am, and I’ve never done anything with a girl which bothers me.