Breakups?

Hello,

Here is my little story, i am in love with a man that recently broke up with me, we lived together 3 years and something.. Our relationship has become extremely toxic after a cheating event. i keep getting angry at him whenever he does something that annoy me, the reason why i get so angry is that i never forgave him for cheating on me once at a party while he was drunk, he thought it was a great idea to leave the house party sit in the garden and kiss another woman, i was there watching them, i got so frustrated, left the party, but he followed me running explaining that he didn't know what happened and it wont happen again. 2 years has passed since that sad event and he has been so good to me. The problem was me being aggressive and mean whenever he did something wrong. I wanted his attention 24/7 he felt like a father looking after a baby.

Anyway 2 months ago he told me that our problems should end, that he didn't love me anymore. I told him that i understand the issue, i understand i have trouble forgiving him and i am planning to get better if he only gave our relationship another chance, he didn't want to and he left.

I moved to a friend's house and left him in our apartment and i stopped contact for 2 weeks. He found out that i was not leaving the room, not eating properly and taking drugs to wake up in the morning, i would stay 3 or 4 days without taking a shower, i was feeling really bad like my life was ending. My best friend called him and asked him to call me sometimes, when he called i didn't want to reply, i didn't want his pity. He came around the apartment and asked me to move back with him. After some talk, i did move back, i am feeling much better but 2 months in i feel that something is lost, something has to be done to win his heart back. He says it is all fine but i think he is with me just because he thinks i can't live without him, but sure i can, i know i can, but i also know i would feel bad for a while before i pick myself up. I dont to leave to prove that to him, because i love him more than anything in my life right now, i just want him to love me back, i feel guilty for not been forgiving and not knowing how to release my tension and anger some other place than on him. I tried to talk to him so many times, but he just shuts off and tell m dont worry it will be ok. But it is not, he doesn't love me and i am just here waiting for something to happen... :-(

Why didn't you go for couples therapy?

You should not feel guilty for not forgiving him. Some people can forgive infidelity and some cannot. Since you cannot, you need to end the relationship and heal. By heal, I mean ensure that you don't enter another relationship with trust issues due to the infidelity in this relationship. Additionally, some time on your own might help co-dependency issues (real or perceived).

I in no way want to imply deceit, but is it possible that your declining status while staying with your roommate was exaggerated to try and get your ex to swoop in...like he did?

In any case, you have some work to do and its not going to happen while in this relationship due to trust issues. Good luck.

What I have learned is getting over cheating is tough, but in the end there is only two outcomes.

1. you have a willingness to forgive and forget and you worth thru the issues that caused it together.

2. You say you are not ever willing to forgive and you end the relationship.

As Holly suggested.. couples therapy.

Thank you all for your replies.

I did not exaggerate the episode at my friend's house. i did not go and stay with my sister in our big parents home just so nobody sees me how i was getting on with it, and i was sure my sister was going to ask for help to my ex. I wanted to hide and was thinking my friend will take it, but she couldn't either, she asked a friend psychologist to come talk to me on two occasions, she tried making me laugh and eat, and after 2 weeks she thought talking to my ex would help. He was trying to have some news from me and i just switch off my phone and took a week off work, and missed another week off work without a notice. I was really going downhill, it scared me how dependent to his love i was. It is scaring me when i think about leaving him again if his love doe not come back as it was, so ending it isn't an option for me unless i feel stronger and i dont know how to do that. Could you help me with some tips on that.

Now couple's therapy is a good idea, i will look into that and see if he want to join me, even though i dont really know what happens on those sessions???

Therapy is where you clear the air. Get everything that you two have been holding back out in the open. Here is where two people work out issues or are given a path on how to work thru issues together. Ever felt like your BF is holding feeling back? Ever held back your feelings? Therapy is where the walls come down and the fear of expressing your feelings should go away.

Be honest, don't hold back, say whats on your mind so that problems can be worked thru or you say, this wont work out.