Is he not interested or am I missing something here?

I've had a crush on a co worker of mine for about a year. He's very shy and never talks unless you talk to him first. He's very much a loner and 6 years younger than me. I'm 28 and he's 22. Quite often he would sit next to me on breaks instead of other co workers he is best friends with outside of work, or come and sit with me when I'm by myself and everyone else is being loud and social during down time or travel. (There's lots of travel at my job) We are both huge nerds and play the same games, he would sit close to me and we would either talk for ages or he just kinda sits on his phone on reddit but he still pays attention to everything I'm saying if there's other people present and he smiles and laughs a lot at what I say.

He gets in my personal space a lot and he's opened up to me about past girlfriend where he got seriously hurt. He has no problem touching legs under tables or sitting on the floor so close our knees are pressed together. There's a lot of eye contact that lasts a long time when we talk.

However... he doesn't reply much online and I don't think he uses messenger or Facebook much. We played games a couple times but he's flaked on me before after saying yes to an invitation and then he doesn't show or reply and I end up asking him about it in person and he just kinda says he forgot and says sorry.

I fell asleep on him last week on a 3 hour drive home and he didn't move away even though he had space. He fell asleep too. When I got home I apologised for falling asleep on him and he said it was okay and not to worry. I then said he was comfy and he didn't "see" the message for 2 days and didn't reply. Barely spoke to me since then at work or looked at me despite the fact that same day he was sat so close to me on break our legs were touching under the table and he could've sat ANYWHERE else.

I finally got the courage to message him Wednesday night asking him out for coffee to get to know him better and I said I enjoyed his company. He didn't read it until Friday and didn't reply... And he's flown home for 3 weeks now. I don't understand what's happened here. He's not a "jerk" type, I don't think he's ever had a real girlfriend apart from 1 online in his late teens. I've talked to his friend at work and he's said he's really shy, bad at replying/flaky and probably unsure because of my living situation. (I live with someone but it's complicated, we aren't really properly together any more but can't afford to not).

I can't tell if I should just give up with this guy. I'm quite hurt and really embarrassed he didn't even respond because we do have to work together and I feel like I've ruined everything. And if I'm being honest since I fell asleep on him I've been pretty distant from him in person too because I'm also shy. It took me so much courage to message him and ask him out.. And now I feel stupid.

Give up.

"he's flaked on me before after saying yes to an invitation and then he doesn't show or reply" This should be enough. He is showing you who he is early on. Pay attention. Expect more from people. Find someone who is reliable.

Give up.

 

"he's flaked on me before after saying yes to an invitation and then he doesn't show or reply" This should be enough. He is showing you who he is early on. Pay attention. Expect more from people. Find someone who is reliable.

Yes, I agree with Hollyj I wouldn’t waste your time with this guy anymore I know it might be difficult because you do have feelings for him but something not right.. I’m not saying he doesn’t like you back but by everything that you have said it’s not all adding up he could be in a relationship you know nothing about or maybe he’s not looking for a relationship right now and he knows you are but you can’t wait on people forever you deserve to be truly happy and you’ll meet the right guy for you just be patient and let love find you.

He might be extremely shy or socially awkward. He doesn't seem to be able to sustain a relationship. It takes two for a relationship and he's not participating. Maybe try contacting him through the games he plays rather than texting him.

So do you have a boyfriend you're living with, OP?

You said you "aren't really properly together", but what does this mean, exactly?

That could have a lot to do with this avoidance of you. Or, it really could be down to lack of interest. My guess is that it's combination of both. I wouldn't bother reaching out again. He's giving next to no indication that he wants to get to know you more.

He might be extremely shy or socially awkward. He doesn't seem to be able to sustain a relationship. It takes two for a relationship and he's not participating. Maybe try contacting him through the games he plays rather than texting him.

lol a female is asking you out on a date, loads of potential and how easy she is making it for this guy, no amount of shyness would prevent you or me not to take this and run with it when he has to do ZERO work. You know this and I know this but yes, I agree with your statement that he is not participating, regardless if he is shy or not, he has an opportunity here and would take it if he was interested. Move on because there is nothing to see here.

He's not interested. Sounds more like a one-sided crush. He's not shy, he's not interested or to smart to date at work or thinks you're too old. Get on some dating apps and date outside of work rather than chasing uninterested guys around. The workplace is not a singles bar. Do not harass younger, perhaps more naive, coworkers for dates. It very awkward and unprofessional.

That is extremely rude. In my work place, tons of people are couples. In my country it is not considered weird or unprofessional to date or be married to someone at work. You learn to seperate the two and act like co workers at work and keep anything else outside the workplace. It's really normal here.

Plus you make it sound like I wanted to be in this situation.

Yes, I agree with Hollyj I wouldn’t waste your time with this guy anymore I know it might be difficult because you do have feelings for him but something not right.. I’m not saying he doesn’t like you back but by everything that you have said it’s not all adding up he could be in a relationship you know nothing about or maybe he’s not looking for a relationship right now and he knows you are but you can’t wait on people forever you deserve to be truly happy and you’ll meet the right guy for you just be patient and let love find you.

Honestly it's not that big of a deal. It's just a crush/lust. I wouldn't even go as far to say "feelings" because it's not that serious.

I just over think even the smallest of situations and needed to hear some input from people who don't know me or don't know him. I won't be bothering with him again. It's his loss because I'm cute and a really fun person. Maybe he shouldn't have been so physically touchy if he wasn't into it, because that was the thing I noticed over time that he kept doing. I don't usually approach guys unless I'm over 80% sure they like me too. My intuition has never been wrong so this whole thing was weird and confusing to me.

Oh well, Thanks for the comment.

Whose decision is it? Who's forcing you to be in it?

you make it sound like I wanted to be in this situation.

Whose decision is it? Who's forcing you to be in it?

I'm curious, too? That comment made no sense, as you are choosing to pursue him.

He is not interested!

some guys like the attention from women, they might not be interested in you, but they won't make this too clear as they like to get attention to feel better about themselves.

I think it's normal and happens quite often that people get crushes on co-workers - I dated someone at work, but he moved to a different city and the relationship took a nose dive, but it made it fun at work. I've known people to find partners at work and end up getting married. The stats are approx 30% of people will find their partners at work, so don't feel bad about this. I would just try to see him as a friend, stop giving him attention, and if he does like you, he will have to start letting you know. You'll never really know unless you stop giving him signals that you like him.