Am I wrong about us?

I’ve been in a relationship for half a year now. Him and I were the best of friends before we got serious. I love him very much, he has made me very happy and made life a lot easier for. Except lately. The other day he confessed he didn’t love me. Not because he just wasn’t interested in me, he claims it’s because he can’t love. Which makes sense to me because he’s a very shut guy. He’s also known for having a pretty bad temper. And many times in the past he lost control and I tried to help him but in the end I was hurt. Not physically, he just said things that weren’t all to nice. He would later apologize and beg for forgiveness. I personally believe that it’s not that he can’t love he’s just blinded by the fact that he’s hurt me a couple times that he convinced himself he doesn’t love me just because of it. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m not. But i need people I don’t know to answer this for me because it just helps. If you have any questions I can answer them for you. Thank oh I’m advances for reading this! :)

I’ve been in a relationship for half a year now. The other day he confessed he didn’t love me. Not because he just wasn’t interested in me, he claims it’s because he can’t love. Which makes sense to me because he’s a very shut guy. He’s also known for having a pretty bad temper. And many times in the past he lost control and I tried to help him but in the end I was hurt. Not physically, he just said things that weren’t all to nice. He would later apologize and beg for forgiveness. I personally believe that it’s not that he can’t love he’s just blinded by the fact that he’s hurt me a couple times that he convinced himself he doesn’t love me just because of it. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m not.

You're right to be questioning this relationship as clearly you have seen the signs of what's coming your way, and it's not good. He's showing classic signs of an abuser and it will only get worse.

The writing is on the wall and red warning flags all over the place. You should take heed and head for the hills. I would say, the sooner the better.

Oh-oh. Like Capricorn3, when I hear about bad tempers, knock-down, drag out fights, insults, apologizing about it, and then doing it again, that sounds like emotional abuse. Try Googling it and see if the symptoms sound familiar to you. Even claiming that he can't love is a way to control and manipulate you since you're motivated to reassure him that he can, therefore creating a co-dependency. And now that you're over your honeymoon period in your relationship, as Capricorn3 said, these things only get worse. You can't fix him. You found out that trying to help him only hurt you. I know you're probably not going to leave him now, but you will have to when he escalates his behavior.

You say he says "he can't love." What has his relationship history been like?

How old are both of you?

Does he have a good relationship with his parents?

When someone says a negative statement about themselves, believe them. Saying that he can't love may mean a myriad of things, but none of the possibilities are good, especially if you believe that you love him. A lot of times when we love someone, we convince ourselves that they must feel the same way. He's telling you in no uncertain terms that this is not the case. He is also demonstrating through abusive behaviors that he has issues healthily loving another person. He probably has relationships because they benefit him. It's hard to get consistent attention, affection, sex, and support from someone who you are not in an exclusive arrangement with.

Having a friendship before you become romantically involved with someone can be great and really increase the intimacy and intensity of a relationship once once occurs. Conversely, friendship also can be a huge blind spot for seeing someone as they are in a romantic relationship. You are inclined to make excuses for him due to the preexisting friendship. It's best you end the involvement now before his abusive behaviors worsen and you enter even farther into the justification zone.

Why are you with this guy? You have all of the info: he is not a suitable partner and does not love you.

Not emotionally available

Does not love you

Emotionally abusive

This is not partner material

You say you two were best friends so I'm assuming you knew about his emotional unavailability before you got together.

I think for the most part best friends know about each others dating history as well as their mental status. Even if he didn't directly tell you ahead of time, there's always clues.

You dove right in anyway.

I'm curious why?

You need to believe him when he says he doesn't love you.

You're trying to apply your own theory in an attempt to mitigate the pain, but the bottom line is the same. I would not stay with someone who is verbally abusive and admits he doesn't love me, whatever the reason is. It's not going to be worth it.