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Thread: I kissed someone else while my boyfriend and I were dating but not yet official

  1. #1

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    I kissed someone else while my boyfriend and I were dating but not yet official

    Before I met my boyfriend, I had just come out of a toxic relationship, I was not on medication yet ( I've got bipolar disorder ) and therefore I was very self distructive.

    After our first date, he asked if i wanted to date exclusively . I thought that it was a little early but said yes. I didn't really know if we were actually going to be in a relationship, as I had trouble trusting a man into my life due to my previous relationship.
    But as I said, at that time i was completely lost, so two weeks later or so I kissed a guy at a party while very drunk. This was pure self distructive behavior and I felt awful after it'd happened. I didn't tell him, because I realized I actually really liked him. A week or so later we were an official couple.


    This was 1.5 years ago. We know have an amazing realtionship and would want to spend the rest of our lives together. Since the day we got official, I would never ever do anything like that again. I'm also on the right medication and don't drink alcohol as it brings up the self destructive side in me)


    The problem is is that i feel so incredibly guilty. I know he asked to date exclusively very early (first date) and we weren't official yet, but still. I can't get over the fact I really did that 1.5 years ago, seeing as I love him so dearly now.

    I don't really know what to do, could you please help?

  2. #2
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    This is a controversial topic. I vote for not telling him. Just forget it happened .

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Stop beating yourself up before you destroy something good. Forgive yourself.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Forgive yourself. You are a different person now. Let it go.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    If you feel him knowing this information would harm your relationship, don't being it up. What's done is done.

  7. #6
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    If you're not official you don't owe anyone loyalty. Don't worry,it's not cheating so don't say anything.

  8. #7

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    Thanks for all the replies! It defenitely helps me calm down about the whole situation.

  9. #8
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    Yeah I agree with everyone. It doesn't need to be brought up. The difference between exclusive vs official is based upon commitment level. Being exclusive is less committed than being official. What defines exclusive exactly, I believe can be subjective. At the very least, it means don't sleep with other people to me. For others...that's up for debate, so I would forget about it. Sometimes it is better to talk about the rules before you buy the prize. Chalk this up to learning to communicate better.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    So. . ask yourself, who does the apology benefit?
    From what you have shared with us, it benefits you and relieves your guilt.
    But at what cost to him?
    If you two were married or even a committed couple at the time, depending on the all the circumstances I might say he was entitled to the truth.
    But seeing you two were not yet committed at the I think the disclosure is unnecessary and serves no purpose. . other than to stir up unnecessary drama.

  11. #10

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    Thanks so much everyone. I would like to delete this thread because i don't want to be reminded of it when i log into my account. Can someone do this for me please?

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