No communication

So I have been officially dating my boyfriend for 5 months. Even though I first questioned the long distance relationship but he pursued me and we have been making it work. He travels down to see me and I’m able to travel to see him as well. We have been inseparable. Phones calls everyday, video calls when we can’t see each other. But the the last month we’ve bumped heads a few times. He’s getting real comfortable with me so the little extra efforts he can get a little lazy on but he stills shows the same level of love and sacrifices. Within the last month, we had a little argument about him sometimes not being attentive and a little nonchalant. We talked about better communication and worked it out. After that time he was having a few issues with his child’s mother. She was putting pressure on him for more because she broke up with her ex and he started stressing. He’s so in love with his son so I saw the stress. Made sure I was there for him, supported him through it until he settled. We had plans to go away the end of the month but because of her drama we had to cancel. Because ib as worried about him, I surprised him 2 weeks ago by visiting. He was so shocked but so happy I was there. We had a great few days together but the last day didn’t end well because he cut my trip short and had to head back home. Was upset for a day or two but moved. After that I didn’t hear from him at all. I called him and he mentioned he was dealing with some stuff and call me later. A week went by and heard nothing. I decided to call him yesterday and he didn’t answer. Then I get a text stating “I’m going through some s!?* and can’t talk” I tried replying back and no response called no response. I texted him to let him know I’m hear but will not text again and nothing. He did this before but not as extreme. He’s going through whatever but has completely shut me out of his world completely. He won’t even send a text and have no idea where he is. It’s not about me and I am worri d about him but also tired of him always doing this pattern of putting me on hold and now it’s gettibg worse. It makes me question us with such a new relationship and how our future will be every time he hits hard times. He talks about the future and having a family but that sends red lights for me on our relationship. Will he run, will I have to carry everything emotionally on my own?

Guess I’m just looking for some thoughts on what may be going on, his behavior and my response to it.

Thanks

It sounds like he has baby mama drama.

Normally that wouldn't be a big deal but combine his disappearing act on top of the fact that she recently broke up with her boyfriend... doesn't look good but it wouldn't be wise to keep contacting him.

It's wrong that he disappeared because you two are in a relationship so he should communicate. Unfortunately all this could be innocent and he could be so stressed out dealing with things with his son that he can't focus on you right now.

Again not saying it's right, it wouldn't be wise to accuse him or to continue to contact him when he expressed things are rough for him, he may very well simply need space.

He is not partner material. I think that it is terrible that he ghosted you, but you have said there have been communication issues all along. How would you like this in a marriage.

He has shown you again and again, but you keep expecting him to morph into another guy. This is who he is.

Cut your losses now. And, find someone local.

He is not partner material. I think that it is terrible that he ghosted you, but you have said there have been communication issues all along. How would you like this in a marriage.

 

He has shown you again and again, but you keep expecting him to morph into another guy. This is who he is.

 

Cut your losses now. And, find someone local.

This is harsh, but very true. I actually went through a similar thing and the best thing I could have done was listen to smart advice of leaving him alone. He is not interested, period. There is no saving whatever you had and frankly its not worth saving anyways esp since he is so lazy w/your relationship. Forget about him, grieve and move on. No point wasting time on a lost cause. He will NEVER change. I talked to the long distance guy about making more effort more then once and nothing happened.

This is harsh, but very true. I actually went through a similar thing and the best thing I could have done was listen to smart advice of leaving him alone. He is not interested, period. There is no saving whatever you had and frankly its not worth saving anyways esp since he is so lazy w/your relationship. Forget about him, grieve and move on. No point wasting time on a lost cause. He will NEVER change. I talked to the long distance guy about making more effort more then once and nothing happened.

I am not going to sugar-coat. When people show us who they are, we owe it to ourselves to pay attention.

I don't know if you expected too much of him and it was smothering to him, or if he stopped putting the effort in that most women would expect. You don't say how long you two participated in daily conversations, how far apart you had to drive to see each other, and how many times a day you expected to hear from him, so it's hard to judge if your complaints are valid or not.

As far as surprising someone with a visit--I never think that that's appropriate. I imagine it's the reason he cut your visit short, even if at first he seemed to like the surprise. And he told you he couldn't talk and yet you tried to call him again. Honestly, I'm guessing that either you seem to be a bit overwhelming about demanding constant attention in your relationship, or that you need to find a man who matches you in how often and how much he wants to interact with you.

As far as this man goes, it sounds like he doesn't fear losing you, so let him go.