Trying to Understand my Life Lesson here and deal with the pain inside

So I've seen this pattern happen in my life where I get involved with a guy, but after a while for some reason dont see a future with him.

Then I break things off before it gets too serious and then the guy gets really mean and hurtful. and it HURTS.

So I'm hurting not only coz I know its not going to work and Im back to square one (fail) but also that someone I care for is being really mean to me just because I'm not getting involved (even for fun, physically).

It just plain hurts that people can turn around and be mean. Just because I dont see a future doesnt mean I dont care about them.

I want to deal with all this hurt, and I'm trying to figure out what the Universe is trying to teach me here.

People sometimes lash out when their hurting. Breaking up with someone because you don't see a future with them is perfectly reasonable. You couldn't have possibly known until you went through the discovery process of dating them. As much as it hurts, try to understand that everyone deals with grief in different ways. Also, many go through your exact experience and struggle after breaking up with someone they care about, even though they know the relationship was not right for them. The best thing you can do is politely go NC and allow the person to heal and move on.

When someone gets dumped, they feel rejection and pain. They also are not in control of the relationship status. You are. So they lash out. Everyone processes hurt differently so maybe under a lot of hurt they lash out. Without you telling us what the men have said, we cannot ascertain whether they were being truly mean or not.

I think some women think they can still be friends with a guy when they break up with them, but if the guy really liked them, then for the guy seeing them and hearing from them is just like stabbing them in the heart again and again. On ENA, most people recommend that when you break up with someone you go No Contact and not try to contact them again. It just works better that way. In a relationship, one person always cares more than the other person, and being friends after a breakup rarely works. Sometimes after a period of time, a friendship might be possible. But No Contact works the best when there are deep feelings involved.

I agree with Danzee here. Too many dumpers think that it is okay to be friends after they dump the dumpee.

It just doesnt work that way. Most of the time when a dumper dump the dumpee the dumper has already made a decision for both and also emotionally gotten ready for the break up. Also the dumper is less emotionally attached and has less feelings (most of the time).

So by trying to be "nice" and let them down easy, you are actually causing more pain and suffering. You are also confusing them because you fail to realize when you dump someone they are most likely emotionally unstable and unable to logically deduce your words and imagine them to create false hope. Some people call this leading the other person on.

So yea when this happen people tend to get angry about it. People dont like to get led on wasting their time. Everyone should take advice and just do it quick with honesty and cut it short.

"I dont want to be with you anymore, we have no future together and I want to cut our communication to none existing type level for the time being, thanks for the times, good luck."

Like if I was ever told this. I would of been like damn. Also thankful for not wasting my time anymore. But that's just me.

So I've seen this pattern happen in my life where I get involved with a guy, but after a while for some reason dont see a future with him.

 

Then I break things off before it gets too serious and then the guy gets really mean and hurtful. and it HURTS.

I've rarely experienced something like this, where a guy is mean to me because I've ended the relationship. Honestly, probably never, but there could be someone I am forgetting (and deservedly so--lol)

Sometimes, a long, drawn-out divorce brings out the worst in people. But I think that people who are mean at the end of a short relationship are probably mean people in general.

So the question is, what is attracting you to mean-spirited men?

I'm trying to figure out what the Universe is trying to teach me here.

Sounds like the message is: after you break up with someone, scram. It's the kindest thing you can do for both of you. Otherwise, you're adding insult to injury, and that's not taken very well. As you've noticed.