Should I be worried about my partner watching porn

Hi,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little of 4 months but we were best friends for over a year beforehand. Our sex life was great for the time we have been together and I completely trusted him. Recently while we were googling something on his phone I saw porn come up in one of his tabs. When I asked what it was he denied it and I looked through his phone again and he had specific girls looked up and the videos I saw were disgusting. It made me feel horrible about myself . Why does he need other naked women to satisfy him? Doesn’t it count as cheating mentally ? I feel sick to my stomach even thinking about it now. I feel like next time he tries to touch me I’ll just be reminded that I don’t satisfy him enough and that I ament good enough. He says not to worry that it’s normal for boys but I still feel so uncomfortable with it.

Most men and some women watch it. It's completely normal and healthy. It's not cheating, nor is a bad sign. You shouldn't tie your self worth and confidence to this-it has nothing to do with you.

Not cheating. Good luck finding many guys who don't look at porn. You should not feel threatened,

You need to address your self esteem issues.

Would you rather him watch porn and masturbate or actually search out another woman to have a cheating affair with? Unless this is an addiction and he chooses it over your actual sex life, this is normal. I’m a woman. I watch it now and again and I am a happily married woman. The only way this would be a problem is if it consumes his life. Looking at other naked women is not cheating. He looked up the specific girls because it was probably the genre he found exciting. Who cares. He’s not physically involved with these people. It has absolutely nothing to do with your actual sex life. I would suspect he is completely satisfied with you. But he is a male that doesn’t always have the opportunity to satisfy himself with you so he chooses this route instead of a physical cheat with a s***. This is normal. Stop stressing before you lose him.

Unless there is more to the story that you aren’t sharing this is my outlook.

Hi,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little of 4 months but we were best friends for over a year beforehand. Our sex life was great for the time we have been together and I completely trusted him. Recently while we were googling something on his phone I saw porn come up in one of his tabs. When I asked what it was he denied it and I looked through his phone again and he had specific girls looked up and the videos I saw were disgusting. It made me feel horrible about myself . Why does he need other naked women to satisfy him? Doesn’t it count as cheating mentally ? I feel sick to my stomach even thinking about it now. I feel like next time he tries to touch me I’ll just be reminded that I don’t satisfy him enough and that I ament good enough. He says not to worry that it’s normal for boys but I still feel so uncomfortable with it.

I mean, are we talking run-of-the-mill porn, or something more disturbing? This would be a different story if he's watching videos featuring very young, underage girls or some such thing.

In my mind, porn is not cheating and you are going to be hard-pressed to find a man who doesn't watch, at least occasionally. A lot of women do too. It's not a reflection of how he feels about you or how satisfied he is with you. It's up to you if you do not accept it, and we can't tell you that you have to be okay with it, but just know that it's probably going to be tough to find a guy who shares you views on that.

No it's not cheating. I don't really understand why some girls act like this. I'm a female and me and exs would watch porn together while we had sex. I also watch porn by myself. There is nothing wrong with watching porn. Porn is porn. Porn doesn't mean he loves the girl on the other side of the screen.

I agree with everyone else, I do believe it’s not cheating and actually every once and awhile me and my bf watch porn together actually my bf has caught me watching porn and he finds nothing wrong with it.. he’s not cheating on you so you have nothing to worry about.

It's not about you. It's about masturbating.

It made me feel horrible about myself.

Yes you should be worried.

It's a not normal or healthy and destroys millions of lives each year.

This insidious addiction of the mind is a carefully guarded secret of it's mass media owners.

Just ask yourself why you never hear the entire life story of the, have-it-all, thirty something teacher, who throws it all away to sleep with a fifteen year old student.

It took thousands of years for society recognize alcoholism as an addiction and not a personal weakness.

With porn, and the money it generates for it's owners, the same ones who own the news, it will be a long time before the effects/aftereffects are truthfully reported.

Oh man, I'm a woman and I've watched some pretty gross porn (and loved it). Never made me feel an ounce different about my flesh and blood partner I was intimate with. Heck, porn and masturbation is a completely different sexual vein, though I've never minded talking about porn or sharing what I like in my relationships.

I get how you feel. A lot of people shame people who hate porn, but I think that's silly. It's really about you accepting a couple of facts, though. The first fact is that you are not going to fully encompass your boyfriend's sexuality. He will look at other women, think of other women, and imagine them sexually from time to time. The second fact is that 99% of the population masturbates and most enjoy visual aids while doing so. Instead of jerking off to Tiffany down the street, your man likes to watch professional porn stars. I personally prefer the latter myself in men because I worry less about "what it means".

Unless his porn watching severely impacts your sex life, try to relax. Oh, and don't go through a person's internet history without asking permission. He may not have wanted to share those videos with you and that would have been his right.

Oh man, I'm a woman and I've watched some pretty gross porn (and loved it). Never made me feel an ounce different about my flesh and blood partner I was intimate with. Heck, porn and masturbation is a completely different sexual vein, though I've never minded talking about porn or sharing what I like in my relationships.

We should date in the next life!

You have known him for a year. You know his values and his character. You know what he values in you. Seeing porn on his phone is enough to make you question what you share, about which you have so much information?

Porn isn't a fog that surrounds him. It's a visual interest. The rest of him is still him, and how you relate to each other is the same. If he has a beer, do you question whether he is an alcoholic? Seeing porn doesn't make him a sexaholic. Keep it in perspective.

And communicate with him. Learn about him. Ask questions.

Hi I do understand everything everyone is saying. But the thought of him getting off to other women makes me feel absolutely useless . Personally I don’t watch porn since I’ve gotten into the relationship and I even rarely feel attracted to other men. I know I’m slightly over reacting but I actually don’t even want to have sex with him anymore Incase his mind is thinking about other women.

Hi I do understand everything everyone is saying. But the thought of him getting off to other women makes me feel absolutely useless . Personally I don’t watch porn since I’ve gotten into the relationship and I even rarely feel attracted to other men. I know I’m slightly over reacting but I actually don’t even want to have sex with him anymore Incase his mind is thinking about other women.

Hi I do understand everything everyone is saying. But the thought of him getting off to other women makes me feel absolutely useless . Personally I don’t watch porn since I’ve gotten into the relationship and I even rarely feel attracted to other men. I know I’m slightly over reacting but I actually don’t even want to have sex with him anymore Incase his mind is thinking about other women.

Because most likely when a guy tells you he doesn't watch porn he is lying. So you are a lot more likely to be lied to in your relationships if you choose men who tell you they don't.

Whereas if a guy says he does and is totally honest I feel like that is much more of a chance that he is honest and mature about it.

I watch porn. I have been with my wife 14 years and have never so much as had an innapropriate interaction with another woman.

Porn does not equate to infidelity, infidelity equates to infidelity.

I might be somewhat judgemental about the disturbing porn topics you saw, and the fact that he lied to you.

But I dont know enough to weight them into this.

Hi I do understand everything everyone is saying. But the thought of him getting off to other women makes me feel absolutely useless . Personally I don’t watch porn since I’ve gotten into the relationship and I even rarely feel attracted to other men. I know I’m slightly over reacting but I actually don’t even want to have sex with him anymore Incase his mind is thinking about other women.

This is about you and your own insecurities.

This is sad. Is this all you think of yourself? A sex object with nothing else to offer? Masturbating to porn is not an emotional relationship. It's not love. It's not affection. Get a handle on your self esteem. Talk to your parents about getting some therapy for body issues and self confidence problems.

makes me feel absolutely useless.

Hi I do understand everything everyone is saying. But the thought of him getting off to other women makes me feel absolutely useless . Personally I don’t watch porn since I’ve gotten into the relationship and I even rarely feel attracted to other men. I know I’m slightly over reacting but I actually don’t even want to have sex with him anymore Incase his mind is thinking about other women.

Consider how you value yourself, how you expect to add value to his life. Your job isn't to "get him off": in truth, he gets himself off. Sixty percent of arousal is mental. If he didn't want to be sexual with you, he wouldn't be. And yes, men can be disinterested. Sex with you is with YOU, a whole person, an individual whom he has chosen to value.

Sex with himself is sex with himself, even if porn is used to assist his imagination.

Trust that you are lovable for you being you, and not for being useful. It's a fine line, but an important one.

I understand everyone’s replies and I understand it is mostly my insecurities and self esteem. This is a completely different question but it has a connection to the topic of the thread. About 2 weeks ago I’ve been put on new birth control pills and I’ve felt mostly fine but I’ve have had more anxiety and paranoia, ladies do you think this could be the answer as to why I’m having such low self esteem and extreme jealousy?

We should date in the next life!

Ha ha, dias, indeed we should. Got to love a partner who's open and comfortable, right?

Ashley, birth control can and does have huge effects on your hormones when you first start taking it, which can have an impact on your emotional state. The effects should even out within a month or so, so if you do feel like you're more paranoid and/or depressed in general, talk to a doctor and see if a different birth control pill could be right for you.

However, the issue about your boyfriend watching porn is not solely because of the pill. As I said in my last post, you need to accept that you will not solely encompass your boyfriend's sexuality. This does not mean that he should have other partners (unless that was his and your wish). It just means that sexuality is bigger than being attracted to one person. Your sexuality is bigger than him too, even if right now your focus is solely on him. Don't wreck a perfectly good relationship over porn. It isn't going away any time soon, so you may as well learn to accept your boyfriend's way of dealing with his urges when he's not with you.

If it makes you feel any better, he doesn't view those women as better or more attractive than you. He loves you, and when a man loves you, you are the most beautiful and sexy creature in the world. Own that.

Yes I honestly think the birth control pills play a factor. When I was on them I became very paranoid, I would randomly start crying out of nowhere, and I would be angry at the littlest things. I decided that I would switch to an IUD.

I would also like to state once again its just porn. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly fine. He is not watching other women having sex because he hates you and is bored with you. At one point in your life your going to have to accept this because I have a feeling no matter who you are with their going to watch porn.

Yes I honestly think the birth control pills play a factor. When I was on them I became very paranoid, I would randomly start crying out of nowhere, and I would be angry at the littlest things. I decided that I would switch to an IUD.

Eh, I don't know about that. My wife went nuts over this and hasn't been on birth control in years. I'm pretty sure it reached a tipping point when she reached middle age and no longer felt she could "compete."