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Thread: My husband is hurt and mad at me over my fake social media accounts

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes. Stop doing stupid, sneaky and pushy stuff. That's the only way to improve your self respect and gain the respect and trust of others. Do not reincarnate this need to mother control and micromanage into yet more weird stuff.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    because you resent him going to college while you pay the bills.
    I don't resent him for going to college. I have (unjustifiably) found myself resented him for pursuing his own interests and being the moody high-maintenance one while I'm expected to be more stable and supportive of him emotionally and with my free time. But he pays the bills, too, because he gets paid for being in his PhD program. And I am in a Masters program so we're both going to school. He works hard, I don't suggest that I work harder than he does. My job is much easier than his PhD work, and with shorter hours. I don't resent him for any sort of imbalance in financial contributions to our household. I can say that for sure. I have never resented him for that. I've discovered that I need to stop resenting him for the focus being on him. That's my own fault for doing that and for neglecting my interests.

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rihannon
    At this point do you think I should just give him space and back off and over time redeem myself by changing my behaviors?
    Yes. You are meddling like a mother would and it needs to stop . You are his wife not his mother . When he needs help he will ask for it . It is time to stop babying him . No more fake accounts and dishonesty. When you do that people can’t trust you .

  4. #14
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Rather than flowers, have you communicated outright to him that you acknowledge how potentially disruptive your actions could have and in fact may have been toward his success (I'd bet most mature and grown women who might go to a show would elect not to if it meant avoiding a crowd containing the tweeny "omg he's so cute" types), and that this is in no way, shape, or form how a respecting partner should behave? If your last thread is any indication, this is somewhat of a theme, so I'm not sure I'd just immediately lay back quietly without vocalizing your harm and intent to treat him with respect from hereon out. He may not instantly run to you for a hug, but that's okay. The point is that you've let him know, and now you'll demonstrate your intentions by leaving him and his work alone.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Rihannon
    I don't resent him for going to college. I have (unjustifiably) found myself resented him for pursuing his own interests and being the moody high-maintenance one while I'm expected to be more stable and supportive of him emotionally and with my free time. But he pays the bills, too, because he gets paid for being in his PhD program. And I am in a Masters program so we're both going to school. He works hard, I don't suggest that I work harder than he does. My job is much easier than his PhD work, and with shorter hours. I don't resent him for any sort of imbalance in financial contributions to our household. I can say that for sure. I have never resented him for that. I've discovered that I need to stop resenting him for the focus being on him. That's my own fault for doing that and for neglecting my interests.
    If he is moody and high maintenance tell him to go talk to his mommy . You are there to be his partner not his mom . And if he needs a mom shuffle his butt on down the road to her house .

  7. #16
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    I just hope he can forgive me. I suppose that over time I can show that I will not do stuff like this anymore.

    I'm wondering if I should do any demonstrations that would counteract this - like trying to initiate sex with him, even if I get rejected. Or do I just back off altogether, with talking, with suggesting plans, with sex, with everything and anything?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No you're not. Just leave him alone to brood or whatever he wants and pursue your own interests and activities. Stop thinking you're his mommy, cheerleader etc. You are doing that to control him not for him..
    Originally Posted by Rihannon
    I'm expected to be more stable and supportive of him emotionally and with my free time.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Rihannon
    I just hope he can forgive me. I suppose that over time I can show that I will not do stuff like this anymore.

    I'm wondering if I should do any demonstrations that would counteract this - like trying to initiate sex with him, even if I get rejected. Or do I just back off altogether, with talking, with suggesting plans, with sex, with everything and anything?
    Live your life. You are still bending yourself into a pretzel about him don’t bother . When he’s no longer mad he will seek you out .

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Rather than flowers, have you communicated outright to him that you acknowledge how potentially disruptive your actions could have and in fact may have been toward his success, and that this is in no way, shape, or form how a respecting partner should behave? If your last thread is any indication, this is somewhat of a theme, so I'm not sure I'd just immediately lay back quietly without vocalizing your harm and intent to treat him with respect from hereon out. He may not instantly run to you for a hug, but that's okay. The point is that you've let him know, and now you'll demonstrate your intentions by leaving him and his work alone.
    I think I tried to say these things but he was so upset, I don't know. I have not tried to push it again and again. I felt like I should just apologize and say those things and acknowlegde that what I did was wrong and disrespectful and how I would not meddle like that again. I don't know if he took it to heart.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    No you're not. Just leave him alone to brood or whatever he wants and pursue your own interests and activities. Stop thinking you're his mommy, cheerleader etc. You are doing that to control him not for him..
    You are so right about this controlling thing. I think I'm just really mixed up about what a supportive partner is supposed to be. And I'm ashamed that I'm as old as I am and still haven't figured this out. It's a lot of shame and regret and agony going on over here.

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