A blast from the past and I’m in a year long relationship.. [emoji30]

Sooo.. me and my boyfriend are having problems and trying to work things out the best we know how i expressed my feelings how I feel like our relationship now is a friendship more than a relationship. Our sex life has went down hill when I told him how I felt about our relationship he got very upset because he doesn’t feel the same, he is bipolar and has a short temper almost always so most of the time things lead into arguments not just us having a conversation and working things out the right way. Like any relationship I know things aren’t going to be perfect but I do love this man but I’m not so sure what it feels like to love someone and not “be in love anymore”

well while all of this has been going on.. my best friend from high school got in contact with me and he is the person I lost my virginity to.. at the time we was just best friends when it happened and I was too scared of messing up our friendship so we continued just being friends with NO more sex involved so it just happened once and we acted like nothing ever happened just became friends again all over.. it was very weird when I took the time to set and think about things but we made it work for our friendship and stayed close and in touch with one another but 2 Year’s went by now he has a beautiful little girl but is no longer with the mother he writes me out of the blues and tells me he messed up along time ago, wished that he had his child with me, made me his wife 🤯[emoji15][emoji50] I was speechless and did not know what to think.. there was just nothing but flash backs of us on high school in my head and all the good times we had but just as friends and I couldn’t get over the fact that he had such deep feeling for me I just don’t know what to do!

Help Please???

Well, first of all, your current relationship does not sound very good. If your boyfriend is constantly angry and you're constantly having arguments, your relationship is in trouble and these things only get worse. They do not work themselves out. And if he truly is bipolar, you are in for even a rougher time. You're probably already suffering some emotional abuse from him through the fighting and arguing. And if the sex is getting less and less, then the relationship is dying.

This is probably why you're interested in your old high school friend who has popped up. Your current relationship is fading away and this guy is single and available. He is probably lonely, and both men and women reach out to people they know when they are lonely and looking for another relationship.

From what you've said, I think you should break up with your current boyfriend. You're young and relationships don't have to be full of fights like this. Once you're free, I think you should reignite your friendship with your high school friend and see where it goes. Even if it doesn't go anywhere (but I think it will), you probably shouldn't be with your current boyfriend.

Well, first of all, your current relationship does not sound very good. If your boyfriend is constantly angry and you're constantly having arguments, your relationship is in trouble and these things only get worse. They do not work themselves out. And if he truly is bipolar, you are in for even a rougher time. You're probably already suffering some emotional abuse from him through the fighting and arguing. And if the sex is getting less and less, then the relationship is dying.

 

This is probably why you're interested in your old high school friend who has popped up. Your current relationship is fading away and this guy is single and available. He is probably lonely, and both men and women reach out to people they know when they are lonely and looking for another relationship.

 

From what you've said, I think you should break up with your current boyfriend. You're young and relationships don't have to be full of fights like this. Once you're free, I think you should reignite your friendship with your high school friend and see where it goes. Even if it doesn't go anywhere (but I think it will), you probably shouldn't be with your current boyfriend.

Thank you! I truly feel so bad because I do have real love for my boyfriend and I’ve helped him change his life around so much I don’t want to sound mean at all but I really have for the better he’s been sober for a year now and I’m so proud of what he’s overcome I’ve been by his side every step but I do feel he has a lot of things to work on as a person as a individual. I do feel like he is a complete different person than the one I fell in love with and I see the old him every once in awhile and we do have some good times together we’re in the process now of working on our relationship and he’s on a new medicine for his bipolar.. he set me down and talk to me about losing me I could tell that it was from the heart and I feel so bad because I catch myself thinking about my old high school friend but I do believe that I will give him a chance but if things don’t work I will have to let him go and hopefully be able to catch up with my old high school friend 🤷🏽

Are you going to be the rebound. Have you thought about that?

If you are going to have a relationship with this old flame, are you prepared to take on a parenting role?

Besides what the other posters have said, it's important to know the reason why your hs friend couldn't make it work with the mother of his child. Some people make good friends but are not necessarily good romantic partners. However, while you're still with your bf, it'll be crossing boundaries to speak to the old friend, since he has expressed romantic interest in you. If you're an upstanding person, you will tell him that out of respect for your present relationship, you can't communicate with him, but if you ever find yourself single, you will contact him and see if he is also single.

I'd give your bf time to see if the new meds work better and you can be happy more often than not. If not, love isn't enough and you can't sacrifice a lifetime of happiness for someone who stresses you out the majority of the time.

First, end your current relationship. It does not sound healthy. Second, take a break from men to process why you were in such a dysfunctional relationship. Lastly, after some time - depending on length of relationship- go slowly with your friend.

Thank you! I truly feel so bad because I do have real love for my boyfriend and I’ve helped him change his life around so much I don’t want to sound mean at all but I really have for the better he’s been sober for a year now and I’m so proud of what he’s overcome I’ve been by his side every step but I do feel he has a lot of things to work on as a person as a individual. I do feel like he is a complete different person than the one I fell in love with and I see the old him every once in awhile and we do have some good times together we’re in the process now of working on our relationship and he’s on a new medicine for his bipolar.. he set me down and talk to me about losing me I could tell that it was from the heart and I feel so bad because I catch myself thinking about my old high school friend but I do believe that I will give him a chance but if things don’t work I will have to let him go and hopefully be able to catch up with my old high school friend 🤷🏽

"I see the old him every once in awhile and we do have some good times together "

This should never be enough for anyone. Why do you settle for so little? You also sound co dependent.

All of these problems and it has only been a year. :(

First and foremost, you need to end your current relaitonship. Based on this thread you posted, it's really not working anymore:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=551717

Second, be careful about getting your hopes up with this other guy. Your old best friend has said some pretty grand things about wishing he'd had a child with you and married you - but you two have never even dated. He is getting ahead of himself. You know you get along well as friends, yes, but neither of you has any clue how you'd work together in the context of a romantic relationship. The dynamic would be quite different, and I'd advise you to be very cautious should you two choose to explore a relationship. You would need to keep both feet on the ground and not get swept away by the musings of what sounds like a lonely and nostalgic man.

This is not to say you two wouldn't be happy together, of course. You might be a great match. I simply want to emphasize the importance of not putting the horse before the cart, in any dating situation.

Are you going to be the rebound. Have you thought about that?

 

If you are going to have a relationship with this old flame, are you prepared to take on a parenting role?

I know them are two very important things to think about and yes I have thought about that I want children of my own but I haven’t found the right one to have children with my boyfriend and I do want kids but you can’t have children and when the time was right we was going to adopt

"I see the old him every once in awhile and we do have some good times together "

 

This should never be enough for anyone. Why do you settle for so little? You also sound co dependent.

 

All of these problems and it has only been a year. :(

I feel like I’m not settling but I do believe everyone deserves a second chance and I’ve been fighting for this relationship and got to where enough is enough for me but I’ve been willing to hear him out and work on things together to see what we need to do to make things work and different things with his health has took place so I’ve been there every step of the way because that’s just the person I am.. is that a bad thing? Can you give someone too many chances? Just because of his actions and him trying I do see that he’s knows I’m pulling away from him.

First and foremost, you need to end your current relaitonship. Based on this thread you posted, it's really not working anymore:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=551717

 

Second, be careful about getting your hopes up with this other guy. Your old best friend has said some pretty grand things about wishing he'd had a child with you and married you - but you two have never even dated. He is getting ahead of himself. You know you get along well as friends, yes, but neither of you has any clue how you'd work together in the context of a romantic relationship. The dynamic would be quite different, and I'd advise you to be very cautious should you two choose to explore a relationship. You would need to keep both feet on the ground and not get swept away by the musings of what sounds like a lonely and nostalgic man.

 

This is not to say you two wouldn't be happy together, of course. You might be a great match. I simply want to emphasize the importance of not putting the horse before the cart, in any dating situation.

Thank you, I haven’t crossed boundaries in my relationship it’s just my old high school friend started a normal conversation with me about how my life was and if I was doing okay then he started talking about all the other thing of how he messed up things with me he wished he tried harder and he wish I was the mother of his child.. we’ve been threw so much together as friends and always been a shoulder to cry on for one another. I’m not going to jump the gun and I am going to try to work things out with my boyfriend but I’m so speechless and wasn’t sure what to do we’ve had problems with his ex’s my current boyfriend he’s want us all to be friends but that’s not something I’m comfortable with and I’ve expressed that to him and he understands why but it’s been just weird situations I’ve never found myself in, in other relationships which I know there all different but it’s so much going on and I would problem write a novel explaining everything.. but I do still have love for him is it possible to fall back in love with someone to get the magic back? I’ve really never faced this in a relationship

First, end your current relationship. It does not sound healthy. Second, take a break from men to process why you were in such a dysfunctional relationship. Lastly, after some time - depending on length of relationship- go slowly with your friend.

Thank you! I do want to try and fix things with my friendship it’s not that I don’t but I’m not sure how to go about it..

Besides what the other posters have said, it's important to know the reason why your hs friend couldn't make it work with the mother of his child. Some people make good friends but are not necessarily good romantic partners. However, while you're still with your bf, it'll be crossing boundaries to speak to the old friend, since he has expressed romantic interest in you. If you're an upstanding person, you will tell him that out of respect for your present relationship, you can't communicate with him, but if you ever find yourself single, you will contact him and see if he is also single.

 

I'd give your bf time to see if the new meds work better and you can be happy more often than not. If not, love isn't enough and you can't sacrifice a lifetime of happiness for someone who stresses you out the majority of the time.

Thank you! Yess I want to make things work I’m just not sure how to go about it we have had problems I’ve never faced in a relationship before and I understand things are going to be different in every relationship I’m just so stressed with my relationship and I haven’t gave up yet I haven’t crossed boundaries pic of my respect for my boyfriend and my relationship I’ve never cheated on anyone and I’ve been done that way so I could never do that to someone else.. its just my old high school friend writes me out of the blues asking normal questions on how I’ve been and everything then BAM he’s starts talking about how he messed up and everything and even wished that I found someone great bc that’s what I deserve he was very respectful with my relationship bc he did not know I was in one at the time.

Okay everyone.. something new happened today with my relationship my boyfriend ex started some drama.. we got into a big argument about him being friends with a ex and we live together things have been so stressful we was both off work today and I was hoping for a peaceful happy day but that didn’t work out at all..

Idk if I’m replying the right way bc I’m new at this.

Okay everyone.. something new happened today with my relationship my boyfriend ex started some drama.. we got into a big argument about him being friends with a ex and we live together things have been so stressful we was both off work today and I was hoping for a peaceful happy day but that didn’t work out at all..

 

Idk if I’m replying the right way bc I’m new at this.

Honestly I think it's time to end things, as it appears you too can't go very long without arguing. However, regarding your "past guy" I don't know if acting on it is a good idea. Personally if was going to leave someone I love, I would need to give myself time before going back out and being with someone else. It isn't fair to you to be with someone while still having feelings for someone else, it isn't fair to the new guy to be with someone who still has feelings, and it's not fair to your ex to watch you jump right into it with someone else.

Okay everyone.. something new happened today with my relationship my boyfriend ex started some drama.. we got into a big argument about him being friends with a ex and we live together things have been so stressful we was both off work today and I was hoping for a peaceful happy day but that didn’t work out at all..

 

Idk if I’m replying the right way bc I’m new at this.

What's new about this, really?

Your relationship sounds volatile and filled with dysfunction, so I suppose I don't quite see how this is news.

With the added info that he keeps his ex in his life, it's time to end things. And about your comment that everyone deserves a second chance? No, they don't. When you see a partner possesses dealbreakers, or they don't share your relationship boundaries, or they have poor ethics, you don't stay. Those are egregious things--not minor flaws like leaving dirty socks on the floor.

And as others have said, stay alone for a good year after living with someone. You need to learn to be happy solo for a while before dating, or you will continue to keep choosing highly flawed men over and over.

Unfortunately the usual emotional cheating post starts with all the problems, lack of intimacy, etc, etc with the current often live-in partner then in the next paragraph the [fill in the blank: coworker, old flame, etc.] suddenly appears. In this case he's just reaching out after he got dumped (or wants to cheat also) because you're available and sick of your bf.

me and my boyfriend are having problems aOur sex life has went down hill. while all of this has been going on.. my best friend from high school got in contact with me and he is the person I lost my virginity to

Most people are so worried about their partner having contact with an ex. You either trust or you don't. If you can't handle it, he's not the one for you. What was this drama about? You're in contact with your past and considering leaving so how can you fight with him about his ex?

Bc when we first got together there wasn’t any problems then after a few months of our relationship his ex has been hitting him up and he shows me all the messages, it’s not that I don’t trust him I don’t trust his ex she stopped for awhile and she wanted to hang out with me but she’s always in drama and my ex hit me up one time in a whole year that I’ve been with my bf.. i didn’t cross my boundaries in me relationship bc my ex didn’t know I was currently in a relationship but I let him know that and he hasn’t contacted me anymore and I know for a fact that it’s not a good move for him if we stayed together or broke up to be friends with his ex bc she is friends with his old group of friends that he no longer has contact with bc the whole year we’ve been together he’s been sober and he chooses not to be friends with his old group of friends anymore.

The drama was stupid honestly.. she made it a big deal bc I didn’t want to hang out with her it’s been a whole year and I’ve never hanged out with this girl. We talked yesterday and I told her it’s out of respect for me and our relationship that’s why my bf doesn’t hang out with her and he told her all of this as well.

Your boyfriend needs to stop replying to his ex or block her if she's causing this much strife between you two.

That would have been the logical step to take. She can't meddle in your relationship like this if he gives her no access to do so.

What's new about this, really?

 

Your relationship sounds volatile and filled with dysfunction, so I suppose I don't quite see how this is news.

I’m not saying it’s good news it just goes along with my problems that’s why I said that

Unfortunately the usual emotional cheating post starts with all the problems, lack of intimacy, etc, etc with the current often live-in partner then in the next paragraph the [fill in the blank: coworker, old flame, etc.] suddenly appears. In this case he's just reaching out after he got dumped (or wants to cheat also) because you're available and sick of your bf.

He didn’t get dumped him and the mother to his child split up for different reasons.. so he’s not cheating and he does not know anything about the problems in my relationship I don’t talk to him all the time it just happened once and he reacted out to me like any normal old friend who asking how my life has been and things and he didn’t even know I was in a relationship and I told him I wasn’t available after he took the conversation in the wrong direction and he respected that and apologized and left me alone I haven’t heard anything from him since. (My old high school friend)

With the added info that he keeps his ex in his life, it's time to end things. And about your comment that everyone deserves a second chance? No, they don't. When you see a partner possesses dealbreakers, or they don't share your relationship boundaries, or they have poor ethics, you don't stay. Those are egregious things--not minor flaws like leaving dirty socks on the floor.

 

And as others have said, stay alone for a good year after living with someone. You need to learn to be happy solo for a while before dating, or you will continue to keep choosing highly flawed men over and over.

He hasn’t kept in contact with her the whole year we’ve been together she got into a bad accident and he wrote her on fb to ask if she was ok I seen the whole conversation and nothing was said out of the way.. she asked to hang out with me and him as friends with her bf sometimes and my bf said no out of respect for my gf and relationship and she got upset she said there was trust issues with me and his relationship bc I didn’t want to be her friend and I didn’t want them two talking but there’s not. I don’t trust HER but I do trust my bf. He hasn’t reacted out to her at all but she has randomly wrote him a time or two.. it’s basically gossip honestly I have his passwords to everything and I’ve read all the messages between them two but nothing been said out of the way. They look at each other more like friends that’s what both told me bc before they started a relationship they was friends for 3 years and then after the relationship stayed friends and now she is friends with my bf other ex.. 🤯[emoji50] there like best friends and I think it’s so weird I look at it as a part of moving on.. like I have not stayed friends with any of my ex’s after I’ve moved on in another relationship out of respect and I think that’s part of the process of moving on.. even if things didn’t end badly I’m not rude or disrespectful I just end things on a good note and move on.. you know what I mean? Like am I the only one that thinks that way? Do you think it’s a bad thing or mean of me? But that’s honestly how I feel.

I definitely will, I do not plan on rushing into a relationship at all I know that would be the best thing. All things are a process..

I don't really get what is keeping you in this relationship anymore, OP.

I would be done.

Your boyfriend needs to stop replying to his ex or block her if she's causing this much strife between you two.

 

That would have been the logical step to take. She can't meddle in your relationship like this if he gives her no access to do so.

That’s what he done. so that is a step in the right direction, he honestly hasn’t told her a lot other then I don’t want to be her friend or hang out with her and her bf in my free time with her and why.. and I wrote her myself bc she sent me a friend request and I did my accept it.