How to prove my innocence? I did not cheat!

I know that this is long, but please bear with me.

First of all, some background. I met my fiance eight years ago, a week or two before I turned 18, he 24. (I am 26 now.) I'll refer to him as 'T'. He is the only man that I have ever been with, and that I ever want to be with. We have been living together since day one and our families already consider us married. We've both had a problem with drinking, which seems to be the only arguments we have.

Now for the problem that I could really use some help with.

Last night, I remember drinking with him and some friends at our main hangout. I drank enough that I don't remember leaving the bar. Not really a problem, as 'T' always takes me home and I wake up safe, if a little bruised. Neighbors have complained that we fight when we drink, and I usually try to leave the room or apartment until we both cool down. I have scratched him before when we were drinking, and he has hit me before, but nothing major.

Today was different. I woke up with a sprained ankle, throbbing ribs, bruises, a bloody nose, and half of my face is swollen, as well as cuts all over the back of my head. 'T's first morning sentence to me was, "Do you remember last night?" I said no. He explained that after fighting, I jumped from our balcony (we are on the second floor), and he searched for a long time through the apartment complex and could not find me. Eventually I returned home, and went to bed. 'T' believes that because I was gone so long, that I was in someone else's apartment and that I had sex with someone else.

I do not remember anything, and there is no pain 'down there' or any sign that I had sex with anyone else, I Was in the same clothes that I wore that day with nothing amiss. I had run away when we are drunk in the past, and usually find a place nearby to hide. (Behind a dumpster, bushes, something like that.) I believe that like every other time, I just hid out, probably crying, until deciding to come home.

However, 'T' says that he can no longer trust me, and if I end up pregnant or anything than he will leave me. How can I prove my innocence? I am not a cheater; I have been loyal since 17 and have never been with anyone else. Even when I get constantly hit on at bars or work, I always mention my fiance.

I want to prove that nothing like that happened, but I do not remember, and he assumes the worst. He said that if I were raped, it was cheating, and that 'there is nothing wrong with me wanting a virgin wife,' as if to insinuate that he would cancel our engagement. He went straight to drinking again today, and was halfway through a bottle of whiskey when I woke up, so it was impossible to talk to him about it.

Please. I know that we need to stop drinking, and I am trying to work on that.

Please, I need advise as to how to prove my innocence so he will trust me again. I did not cheat!

The cheating part is the least of your problems. Stop drinking! You are an alcoholic!

I think you have far bigger problems than being accused of cheating. Your big problem is your drinking problem. you need to get help for that immediately. Why not make that night your last night you touch alchohol? Do you find it an acceptable lifestyle to get so drunk on a regular basis that your boyfriend has to carry you home? Have you considered going to the hospital? If you jumped off the balcony, you might have a broken rib or internal injuries.

Go to the hospital. if mom and dad are sober people and do not drink - go live with them for awhile.

Well, the biggest issue here is that you are in a physically violent relationship. The fact that you and your partner have repeatedly hurt each other due to your drinking means that the relationship should probably end. He says you jumped out of the balcony, but I'm not convinced he didn't simply lose control and beat you senseless. Realize that not only is the dynamic between you and T toxic, but it's very dangerous. You could have been killed in the conflict or run into trouble when you "wandered away from the house" (if that even happened). Yes, absolutely you need to quit drinking, but first and foremost, you need to get support to get out of this relationship.

Oh, and there is no way to prove your innocence in the matter of you possibly having cheated. It's such a nonissue in the face of all the other problems existent in this relationship that I can't believe it was the center question of this thread.

Your relationship is sick and dangerous. You are terrible for each other.

He was halfway through a bottle of whiskey in the morning. Is this the norm?

Get away from each other and get yourself into a program.

When you're drinking until you black out, you are an alcoholic. When a guy is accusing you of cheating with no proof and you're fighting all the time, drunk or not, you're being emotionally abused. When your boyfriend is allowing you to get drunk, he is encouraging you. You need to get out of this relationship before you wind up damaged or worse.

I also wondered if the op had been beaten. Op do your injuries seem consistent with balcony jumping?

It’s immaterial, your partner just told you that if you were raped, it would be your fault and he wouldn’t want you anymore, let alone support you. This man doesn’t love you. Please get yourself out and free of him!!!

If what you wrote is true, this is a physically and mentally ABUSIVE relationship you are in. You need to seek counseling to break your emotional addiction to this abusive man. You met him at a young age, I am guessing that you grew up in an equally abusive environment if all this feels "acceptable" to you, and as much as you don't want to hear it, you are in major denial mode about the whole situation. Please go to an abused women shelter or seek any other type of help that is available in your community. This life you describe is highly ABNORMAL and it is a matter of time before you do irreparable damage to your health. You need external professional help to break the destructive cycle that you are trapped in.

Are you sure he didn't rape you? Are you even 100% positive you jumped from a balcony. Your wounds don't sound consistent with jumping from a 2nd story building. Maybe it's because of the amount of alcohol in your system you didn't feel anything when you fell. But I still think it's far fetched.

If there is a possibility you have been raped go to the hospital.

It seems as though you don't plan on leaving him so how about you sit down and talk with him about controlling both of yalls drinking habits. I had an alcoholic boyfriend and when he decided to quit I must say he was more pleasant to be around.

You are an alcoholic in an abusive relationship, OP.

Get away from this man, and get yourself into treatment. Proving you didn't cheat is the last thing you should be worried about. You are lucky you didn't wind up in hospital, and I have to wonder if it's this fiance of yours that inflicted your injuries.

You need to get yourself to AA NOW. Your bf needs to do the same but your job is to take care of you. You have a really sick relationship with this guy and it won't get any better until you both quit drinking. If your story is true, you really need to get yourself together.

I think you were beaten by him based on the description of your injuries. Yes I know I wasn't there, but you have no idea what you did or was done to you as you were too hammered to know.

The whole cheating thing is way less important than the abuse you have suffered and the alcohol you are slamming down. Time to sort that out or you will have a miserable life.

Too late now but you could have gone to the ER and gotten a rape test done.

Why are you running away? Are you in a forced arrangement? Did you run away from home? What does "living together since day one" mean? You are in an abusive relationship. Move home to your parents and get help for your substance abuse/drinking.

We have been living together since day one.I had run away when we are drunk in the past, and usually find a place nearby to hide. He said that if I were raped, it was cheating

Sperm can live in the vagina for several days up to a week, give or take. I would still go to the hospital soon to see if you were raped, since it's still salvageable. This could help you in proving your innocence, but also to discover how you acquired your injuries and providing help with alcoholism. Please go for your health and safety.

I too question if it was this man who gave you your injuries. He has been physically violent with you before. Him bringing up you possibly cheating or being raped after your injuries instead of addressing your health is extremely suspicious, as well as alarming in the sense his priorities are not straight when concerning you. Wife beaters tend to be repeat offenders and it only gets worse if you stay.

Can you live somewhere else in the meantime? Perhaps a friend or relative who is stable?

1. Move out

2. Get professional help (therapist)

3. Get off booze completely

4. Is this a troll? Lol

 

4. Is this a troll?

I know, I was wondering too, as this may be the most toxic, dysfunctional abusive RL I've ever read about on these forums (and I've been a member of a few over the years).

Sadly however, I think it is true, and OP agree with everyone else, the "cheating" is the least of your problems, and I'm shocked that you haven't recognized this (the abuse) and addressed it (even just within yourself), or at least questioned it, and I also think you are a full blown alcoholic, and so is your boyfriend.

Please google "abusive relationships" and learn the signs, and seek help for your drinking ASAP.

Seriously, you could have died that night, jumping off a balcony like that, good lord.

If you are regularly drinking and drinking so much that you can't even remember the night before than you have HUGE problems. You have a self destructive drinking problem and this relationship will be toast and possibly your entire life will be toast if you don't confront it head on and put a stop to it.