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Ghosted and hurt


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I recently made a tinder, not really expecting to find the man of my dreams or anything, but more so just for entertainment. I never expected this to happen but did match with one guy who I started talking to and we agreed to meet up for a drink. I thought it went really well, and he even kissed me after and then proceeded to text me in the days following saying how that was the first time in forever that he actually felt something during a kiss, and that I was the girl of his dreams. He even started talking about a future and how he hopes that was his last first kiss. He made me feel so special and I was very surprised about how strongly I felt about him as well after only one date. We went for the drink on Friday, and then last night he asked if he could FaceTime me. We talked for about an hour and I thought it was a really fun conversation and we agreed to meet up again on Tuesday. Well this morning I texted him to say good morning and thanked him for the FaceTime last night and didn’t get a response. I then texted him again tonight and asked how his day was and all he said was “good”. Keep in mind he has been constantly texting me sweet things and calling me since weeks before the date, and all weekend he grew progressively more affectionate, and then today I get nothing. So I decided to ask him if we were still on for our date tomorrow night and he said no something came up. Then I asked him if he still even wanted to talk or If I did something wrong and I got no response. I feel so hurt and confused because yesterday everything was fine and then he just ghosted me out of no where. I’m starting to backtrack everything I said when we FaceTimed and if I said anything wrong. I really liked him and he made me believe he felt the same way, but clearly something changed. I’m just so hurt and upset and I feel like there’s something wrong with me now. I even told him yesterday how I have trouble trusting because of past relationships and he said he promises he’ll treat me right and that he’s not the type of guy to flake or stop talking to girls. And that’s exactly what he did.

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I feel for you 100%. This guy enjoyed love bombing you (starting flattery, lovery dovey early on) and then lost interest once you picked up interest. Guess people do this to get quick sex and leave if they don't it or they do it for an ego boost. When I was dating, I got hurt as well and learned you cannot get attached too early on no matter how much you like the guy. Do your best to forget him and get out there again w/no expectations. I dated quite a bit on tinder and it is pretty much just for hookups, which I'm not into. There were a couple guys I relly liked, but they ghosted me after not getting what they wanted. Do not be pulled in by their charm and keep a reasonable head on your shoulders. If they start flattering so soon, that is way too good to be true and no lasting relationship really starts that way.

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People will do these things in life... you just gotta accept that people will not behave the way you expect them to.

 

My ex after 3 years in a relationship ghosted me...

 

People get scared,shy or do not want confrontation (even if there wouldn't be a confrontation, but they perceive one) they back away, its easier for them to deal, but don't really think of the effects it has on others.

 

Plus this isn't really ghosting... ghosting is over an extended period of time. Maybe a week, or longer, should go by before you can call it ghosting.

 

Also, this guy promising the world straight away should be giant red flag.

 

Also, why are you in such a rush? Slow down, see things for what they are, do some research and move on.

 

I find men/women who behave like this, cannot handle being single, aren't the most genuine people and hop from person to person.

 

You deserve better. :)

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If would make sense to me if I thought he only wanted sex and he wasn’t getting it, but he told me that he’s not looking for a hookup and that he sees a future with me. He did talk about sex and made sexual jokes when we FaceTimed last night, but he told me that he would never just try to have sex. He also made a big deal about how respect and honesty are some of his biggest values in life and in relationships. I only met the guy in person once but I just don’t get it. I felt so attached to him just from talking with him constantly and from the little time I did spend with him and the kiss. I guess I just believed all of his lies and fell for him too soon.

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People do this, if you try to understand you'll drive yourself crazy.

 

Its very common, a lot of men will say they ain't like this, but actually are... for him to even say all of this, is a sign maybe he is trying to mask something?

 

It seems you have difficulty reading things for what they are... be lucky you got shown true colours after a few days. Some people end up for years trapped and then it sinks in.

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Yeah I guess trying to understand isn’t going to help any, I just can’t stop over analyzing our whole FaceTime conversation because before that everything was fine. You’re right, I’m glad I found out what kind of person he is now instead of getting even more attached.

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"saying how that was the first time in forever that he actually felt something during a kiss, and that I was the girl of his dreams. He even started talking about a future and how he hopes that was his last first kiss."

 

The alarm bells should have been deafening! Don't let your ego get the best of your common sense next time. This guy is a player. I'm certain he uses that ridiculous line on many. A decent guy would never lay on that kind of crap.

 

A guy that really likes you takes things slowly, and does not talk about the future so soon. Stuff like that should not come up for months.

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"saying how that was the first time in forever that he actually felt something during a kiss, and that I was the girl of his dreams. He even started talking about a future and how he hopes that was his last first kiss."

 

The alarm bells should have been deafening! Don't let your ego get the best of your common sense next time. This guy is a player. I'm certain he uses that ridiculous line on many. A decent guy would never lay on that kind of crap.

 

A guy that really likes you takes things slowly, and does not talk about the future so soon. Stuff like that should not come up for months.

 

I agree with this. Look your words/actions don't match your mindset. You say you joined tinder for entertainment but fell for the first guy who said some pretty words to you.

 

I say this often, you can't use dating as a coping mechanism, someone always ends up hurt, it's simply not a good idea. It seems you have trust and insecurity issues, dating in 2018 is not for the faint at heart. You aren't ready.

 

My response doesn't take away the fact that what he did was sh*tty, it deffinetely was.

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Sorry to hear this. It's unfortunately typical of online dating and having a good couple of first dates. However there were a lot of red flags especially the schmaltzy pick up artist future talk and dream girl bs, etc. These are lines to have sex. When that didn't happen after a couple meets he moved on. Never ask someone you went on a couple dates with "what you did wrong". Assume it just didn't work out and move on. Also don't fall for these trite pick up lines so easily.

He even started talking about a future and how he hopes that was his last first kiss. He made me feel so special.
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I guess I shoudnt have fallen for his lines so easily, he just seemed so into me and I even told him I was hurt in the past and I’m not looking for a hookup. I never even told him I wouldn’t have sex with him, he never got to know me long enough to find out. He talked about a relationship and how he doesn’t like hookups and then just out of the blue stopped talking to me.

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I agree with this. Look your words/actions don't match your mindset. You say you joined tinder for entertainment but fell for the first guy who said some pretty words to you.

 

I say this often, you can't use dating as a coping mechanism, someone always ends up hurt, it's simply not a good idea. It seems you have trust and insecurity issues, dating in 2018 is not for the faint at heart. You aren't ready.

 

My response doesn't take away the fact that what he did was sh*tty, it deffinetely was.

 

This is the first I've read of your post and I would have guessed the same as this reply, from somebody who seems to know your history.

 

That means that it is so clear to me that you're not ready.

 

 

Here's a lesson:

 

Never believe words that aren't followed by actions. Actions truly reveal a person's intent.

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I guess I shoudnt have fallen for his lines so easily, he just seemed so into me and I even told him I was hurt in the past and I’m not looking for a hookup. I never even told him I wouldn’t have sex with him, he never got to know me long enough to find out. He talked about a relationship and how he doesn’t like hookups and then just out of the blue stopped talking to me.

 

Because he was only looking for sex.

 

The players can spot a girl with low self esteem, a mile away. Telling him about your bad past made you the perfect target. Be more confident, you don't need to share your life story with a stranger.

 

he lied to you. Take a break on dating and reflect on your self esteem and the types that you are attracted to.. Please stop being so gullible.

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I guess I shoudnt have fallen for his lines so easily, he just seemed so into me and I even told him I was hurt in the past and I’m not looking for a hookup. I never even told him I wouldn’t have sex with him, he never got to know me long enough to find out. He talked about a relationship and how he doesn’t like hookups and then just out of the blue stopped talking to me.

 

You say you weren't looking for a hookup but you're on tinder for entertainment?

 

How can you set your boundaries with someone else when you don't even seem to know them?

 

That's a serious question. You need to slow down heal, fugurenout exactly what you are looking for and then make an honest effort to do it.

 

The 'down for whatever chick' thing isn't cute and only benefits men trying to get into your pants, don't be that girl.

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You say you weren't looking for a hookup but you're on tinder for entertainment?

 

How can you set your boundaries with someone else when you don't even seem to know them?

 

That's a serious question. You need to slow down heal, fugurenout exactly what you are looking for and then make an honest effort to do it.

 

The 'down for whatever chick' thing isn't cute and only benefits men trying to get into your pants, don't be that girl.

 

Well like I said in my original post, I went into it not expecting anything but then caught feelings unexpectedly. He also told me the same, and that he was also surprised to have fallen for someone especially so quickly. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I definitely wasn’t looking for a hookup either. I was just slowly starting to get back into dating as I’ve been single for awhile.

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He was lying to you. Don't always take people for their word.

 

If a stranger is telling you those types of things, it should seem off. he did not know you.

 

How old are you/

 

I’m 24. Usually I can pick up on lies and tell when something is off, but for some reason I couldn’t this time. I just let me emotions take over. He must be good at what he does, which is lying.

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It may be a good idea to define things somewhat rather than this nebulous description. For example exclusive dating? Or casual sex? It's as confusing to you as it is to others. When you give off an 'i don't know what i want' vibe, it sets you up for all kinds of stuff like this. At least figure out after a couple meets and some attraction what direction you would like it to go.

I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I definitely wasn’t looking for a hookup either.
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It may be a good idea to define things somewhat rather than this nebulous description. For example exclusive dating? Or casual sex? It's as confusing to you as it is to others. When you give off an 'i don't know what i want' vibe, it sets you up for all kinds of stuff like this. At least figure out after a couple meets and some attraction what direction you would like it to go.

 

Yeah I guess you’re right, I should have been more clear. I think I was looking just for casual dating at first or just getting to know someone and see where it goes, and I unexpectedly caught feelings and wanted more. I guess in the future I should go into it knowing what I want and what the guy wants as well.

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I’m 24. Usually I can pick up on lies and tell when something is off, but for some reason I couldn’t this time. I just let me emotions take over. He must be good at what he does, which is lying.

 

He isn’t that good at what he does... it’s pretty obvious from the outside looking in that he was trying to charm the pants off you. Guys will say all sorts of things to get women into bed and if you were truly looking for entertainment you would have laughed it off or screenshotted his convo and sent it to your friends #savage

 

You have learned a valuable lesson here I think. Someone who really liked you and wanted to get to know you would protect their hearts at the same time and move more slowly.

 

And for the love of god do not tell anymore guys you are broken and expect them to treat you with respect as a result! That’s way too much pressure for the first or second date. Own your own problems and take your time with the next one.

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Get off Tinder and try POF. You can weed guys out by what they want. Read their profile, because they have to pick what they are seeking. Avoid the ones that check off friends, short term, and hookups. Every dating situation starts off casual, but if by two/three months they can't answer you on what they are seeking, move on from them.

 

Haha POF is just as bad! So many scuzzy people and catfish profiles on there...

 

Match, OK Cupid, eHarmony will tend to have people that are a bit more serious. Something Bumble is good too.

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I don't know, it's possible he felt something, but was unprepared for it, and became overwhelmed or something, not all that uncommon, especially with commitment phobes.

 

I mean it does sound bizarre, this guy literally went from one total extreme to the other in less than 12 hours!

 

What happened when you actually met in person last Friday, did you have sex or engage in anything physical?

 

If not, he's a very weird "player" who would ghost you before anything physical happened (assuming that was his goal), but who knows.

 

A friend of mine is on Tinder and has guys disappearing on her all the time after having what appeared to be a great couple of dates, usually after sex though.

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Also, I have a feeling you will be hearing from him again; it's only been one day after all.

 

I may be wrong but I'm thinking he freaked himself out and is pulling back.

 

Going forward, always remember, guys who come on that fast, typically disappear just as fast.

 

Whether he freaked himself out or is some sort of player, always be cautious when encountering guys like this.

 

It's easy to get caught up in the feelings, but he doesn't know you, nor do you know him, so slow it down and don't allow yourself to fall for it.

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