Floating along, still hard sometimes

Hi all,

I'm doing ok, but it's still hard sometimes. It's been almost 3 months NC. Nothing from her, nothing from me. I'm a good guy, kind and sweet and hard working, pretty good looking, but I still haven't met anyone who has stuck. I have been on a date or 2, had some random hookups but No love, no real connection, no prospect of love. I'm a really sensitive guy, and I have not been alone in a really long time. Before my ex girlfriend(8months), I was married and together for 14 yrs before getting divorced. I'm getting better at being alone, but I am really a relationship guy, I love having someone to care for, hold, touch, kiss.

I don't really have a question, just venting I guess. I'm hopeful that someone special is out there, but it's so hard these days with the dating apps and just dating in general. Wth, oh well. Thanks for reading :-)

I feel ya Red. Relationship these days seems quite disposable...due to the ability to get a date while even sitting on the toilet. This fact is made easy by logging on to a dating AP. So sadly, people do not value relationships as much as they once did. Also, age has made it even more difficult. Nothing else to do but hang on to hope that someone might eventually come along.

It is a tough road to travel, but keep the faith that you might eventually meet someone who is looking for exactly the same things.

3 months out of a relationship, add that you probably didn't spend enough time alone to fully heal after your divorce, its quite understandable why youre having a hard time with dating. The logical part of your brain is battling the part of your brain telling you that you'll find healing in the arms of someone else.

Ill use my trusty statue example. After every breakup a bit more is chipped away and instead of you taking the time to glue yourself back together you keep going and get chipped some more and some more and some more. Odds are you have a huge bag of baggage as well, most do after long standing relationships (14 years is a while).

Do yourself and quite frankly the dating world a favor and slow down, its ok to spend sometime with yourself. It can actually be a lot of fun.

People think its quirky or cute to say, "oh I'm a relationship guy" or "oh Im a relationship girl" but really all you're saying is you cant handle being alone and rely on someone else to complete you. Thats not a good thing.

Sounds hauntingly familiar.

Dude - in my humble opinion, you need to LEARN HOW TO LIVE BY YOURSELF. You need to understand that YOU are the focus here. You don't need a woman to complete your life.

I'm just learning this after an 18 year marriage that just ended 4 months ago. I didn't know how live by myself...but I'm starting to realize that learning to do so is making all the difference in the world.

I'm not looking to date, or even hook up for a one-nighter. I'm concentrating on myself, my job, getting my life back on track and taking care of my little girl - all on my own.

I figure that once I'm comfortable living on my own, then when I DO start looking for a companion, she will be the cherry on top, and not the entire cake.

I thought I would hate it - because it was so new to me - but I'm starting to dig not having any other responsibilities other than myself (and my daughter, of course)! It's pretty cool, actually.

If I could suggest some counseling for you. the thing that struck me is that you need someone else to make you feel better. Like you need validation that you are a good person. You listed a whole list on your good qualities, and you need someone to validate it. You don't need that. Learn to live with yourself.

yes its a tough road, I'm sure you reeling more from a divorce than a breakup, 14 years is a long time, I was only married for 3 years before she ran off with amanager from her work so yeah its understandable to feel so hurt....

You mentioned that you are a sensitive guy, but now it's time to become a more confident masculine man that overshadows his competitions, women like a confident independent man that can hold his own so try it, you will be surprised at the changes you made.

Well, it is good to vent instead of keeping it all in until it explodes.

Just keep on looking and your lucky day might be any day now. Dating has become something totally different from the early days, and there’s a lot of need for caution, a lot of people are just quite messed up and sometimes it doesn’t show until your deep into a relationship. Well, enjoy getting better at being alone for the meantime because if you are healthy, cheerful and has a great outlook in life when the next gal comes along, she wont be able to resist. Have a nice day.