Hook up or Interested? I CANT TELL!

I can't tell the difference if this is a hook up or if this guy is interested. So not too long ago I kicked my ex out, and started talking to this guy I have ALWAYS always been interested in. Totally enfatuated with him. Definitely got my hopes up that of all people he started talking to me. We text everyday(not every moment but consecutively about how our days are what we are doing etc) he'll text me good morning, things like that. There is no flirting in texts it is VERY casual, a bit in the beginning but not too much. We met in person, grabbed drinks and he kissed me. We tried making plans a few times after that and they fell through. Eventually we hung out again, I met some of his friends, he's kissed me infront of them he'll put his arm around me infront of them etc. We did end up having sex the second time I saw him and few times when I saw him after that. I have slept over before, well hang at his friends house or watch movies at his and cuddle, eat Chinese. We've only seen each other in person about 4 times after talking for about 4 weeks now.

In person he is so sweet. He kisses me, cuddles me, holds my hand, kisses my head, etc. He has asked about me to some of his friends who know me. I am 24 and he is 30.

I am getting thrown off because he has not asked me to hang out again yet(its been about 5 or 6 days now) but we still text casually every day? I feel like if he was interested he would make more of an effort to see me?

I Cant tell if he's just keeping me around by talking every day or genuinely busy with his own life and taking things slow?

I would say he just feels like he's dating you, he's not asking you to move in with him. Guys don't want to look desperate or in out-of-control love either. Four times in four weeks sounds a lot like casual dating. He may also be spending time with his friends when he's not with you. And he also may not want to get too serious with you. You may be letting your emotions get ahead of you. Calm down and enjoy the relationship and see if anything more serious develops.

Thank you for the feedback! This weekend he was working, but still asked for me to come to his place later on one night, which of course I did and had sex again.. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm just a hook up to him!

Does all your hanging out revolve around sex? Like what happens if you say you aren't into having sex and just want to hang out? Have you initiated wanting to get together with him or are you waiting for him to ask you?

Very first time we met in person we grabbed drinks, then after that he tried setting a up movie date and another going out date that just didn't work out.. But then recently for the last 2 weekends I've only ever seen him at his friends house, at his house with his friends, or alone at his house. We have had sex every time I've gone over there though... I have slepted over twice. I just don't want this to be just a hook up type thing! Even though we talk everyday! Im worried the weekend will roll around and we either don't see each other or it's another "come over my place" kind of thing..

Have you initiated going out somewhere in public with him? I get the sense you are waiting for him to do the planning. Try taking initiative and making suggestions instead.

I just don't want this to be just a hook up type thing!

I think you would have had a different outcome if you took the time to get to know one another through dating before becoming intimate. In any event, I would bow out of this arrangement simply because it appears he got the message that he can easily obtain the benefits with little effort, as in wining/dining and take you out in public in general.

Of course to each their own, and this is JMO.

This could go either way at this point and his next move will be telling. He'll either ask you out on a date or ask you for another late night hook up.

You'll know soon enough.

Instead of leaping into your car and driving over when he texts to ask for late night sex...how about telling him "Sorry, can't make it tonight. How about lunch tomorrow? "

See what he says.

To me, how you are behaving is how I was the few times I just wanted company and no strings/ no real desire for a relationship.

Funny thing about that was, the man I was seeing made it very clear he was looking for a relationship and was asking questions about me and what I was looking for. There was no need to wonder what he wanted, and that's been my experience in general - a man looking for something with more relationship potential won't leave you guessing about it, you know, and it doesn't take long.

You both are treating it as if it's super casual. If you are looking for something more, time to speak up and act in a way that leaves no room for doubt.

It's so simple when you get down to being real honest with yourself and the person you are seeing/dating/ hooking up with.

I can't tell the difference if this is a hook up or if this guy is interested. So not too long ago I kicked my ex out, and started talking to this guy I have ALWAYS always been interested in. Totally enfatuated with him. Definitely got my hopes up that of all people he started talking to me.

It's both. He's interested in a hookup. It is great for him. He gets a steady supply of sex without having to work hard for it, or commit to a relationship. I hope that you're happy with this arrangement.

The only way of knowing his future intentions will be to "flip the script", stop the sex, and tell him that you're now ready to move on from the "ex". Then ask how does he feel about you? Pay attention to his physical mannerisms in how he answers, in addition to what he says.

Thank you!!! I'm nervous to initiate hanging out or doing something only to get rejected, or get turned down and seem too "needy" if he has plans or something. I'm getting super discouraged because I'm thinking "well if he really liked me why not ask me to hang out/go somewhere?"

I have mentioned him possibly coming to my house one day, which of course he said he'd be interested but then joked about my ex showing up saying he has "bad luck" with that in the past..

He has told me before that if I were to ever get back with him (the ex) he'd understand if I had to stop talking him and that he wouldn't be insulted.. I tried telling him no it's not like that it's done.. I'm just getting mixed signals! And I don't want to be "too pushy" to ask to grab drinks or something because I feel like if he was into me he would ask first? I'm not used to this casual getting to know someone (I'm used to just jumping into relationships)

If he was super into me he'd respond to my text vs posting on social media? Then why text me everyday!? Totally confused but I don't want to ask "what is this" and scare him! It's only been about a month of speaking!

 

Totally confused but I don't want to ask "what is this" and scare him! It's only been about a month of speaking!

Oh for heaven's sake, asking a guy you're screwing every time you see him "hey, let's grab a bite to eat at Xxxxxxx (name of restaurant) tonight," or asking him out for a drink, is hardly on the same level as "what is this?" or "what are we"?

Friends and even FWB's do this!

And if he thinks you're needy for simply suggesting you hang out outside the house once in a while, then get rid.

At the risk of sounding overly crude, this is not a guy you should be spreading your legs for.

Please have higher standards and respect yourself more. And stop walking on eggshells with him or any guy.

Whatever is happening, you're allowing it, so that's on you.

Thank you!!! I'm nervous to initiate hanging out or doing something only to get rejected, or get turned down and seem too "needy" if he has plans or something. I'm getting super discouraged because I'm thinking "well if he really liked me why not ask me to hang out/go somewhere?"

 

And I don't want to be "too pushy" to ask to grab drinks or something because I feel like if he was into me he would ask first? I'm not used to this casual getting to know someone (I'm used to just jumping into relationships)

Totally confused but I don't want to ask "what is this" and scare him! It's only been about a month of speaking!

So. . it's ok to get naked and swap bodily fluids but you second guess yourself when it comes to suggesting he take you on a proper date or even go get a drink? Somehow to you that appears needy or pushy? It's called a minimally decent expectation.

OK. .so he says no. At least you had the self worth to ask for more than romp in bed.

At least you now know rather than playing the 'read my mind' game in the dark and you can save sex for someone more deserving.

Raise your standards. If you do you will not be afraid to have these type of conversations with men.

So. . it's ok to get naked and swap bodily fluids but you second guess yourself when it comes to suggesting he take you on a proper date or even go get a drink? Somehow to you that appears needy or pushy? It's called a minimally decent expectation.

 

OK. .so he says no. At least you had the self worth to ask for more than romp in bed.

At least you now know rather than playing the 'read my mind' game in the dark and you can save sex for someone more deserving.

 

Raise your standards. If you do you will not be afraid to have these type of conversations with men.

This is such an excellent point and really says a lot about the phenomenon of women who lead with sex.

Some women tend to think the only thing that will gain his attention is sex so they lead with it thinking that will open the door to more and when it doesn't they're petrified to say anything because they may find out, that's all the man wanted.

It's interesting to me because men don't have that card to play. I wonder if they've ever done studies on this, it seems to be quite common although I'm sure most won't be honest and admit that's what they were doing.

they're petrified to say anything because they may find out, that's all the man wanted.

I guess the question here is -

what is really stopping someone like this from asking?

*Appearing to be needy

*Or - hearing what they don't want to hear.

Oh it's a hook-up. It screams hook-up. Your just not listening.

Some women tend to think the only thing that will gain his attention is sex so they lead with it thinking that will open the door to more and when it doesn't they're petrified to say anything because they may find out, that's all the man wanted.

Sad, but true!

Thank you everyone for the input! Trust me I feel very foolish for having sex with him so fast!! He even gave me the choice to go back out or stay at his place the first time that we did. I was just so overjoyed that of ALL people HE seemed into me and was affectionate towards me infront of people and asked people about me..

I think I'm just blinded from all the tall tell signs of "it's just a hook up" by the fact that he's sweet in person and texts me everyday and that I really just want things to work out with it.

I am getting WAY too bent out of shape that today he hasent answered me since this morning and it has been all day. My last relationship really messed with my head and I didn't really give myself the time before jumping into things with this guy, so I'm blaming myself for being too "boring" or that he "lost interest" in me which is why he stopped answering so quick all day for the first time. Or that little by little he'll just stop texting me and lose interest?

I will certainly just try to ride it out and definitely will ask (if he doesn't already) to go out and do something vs him just being home from work and asking me to come over. It's only been a few weeks so far! I'm just getting mixed signals and psyching myself out..

 

 

I am getting WAY too bent out of shape that today he hasent answered me since this morning and it has been all day. My last relationship really messed with my head and I didn't really give myself the time before jumping into things with this guy, so I'm blaming myself for being too "boring" or that he "lost interest" in me which is why he stopped answering so quick all day for the first time. Or that little by little he'll just stop texting me and lose interest?

I will certainly just try to ride it out and definitely will ask (if he doesn't already) to go out and do something vs him just being home from work and asking me to come over. It's only been a few weeks so far! I'm just getting mixed signals and psyching myself out..

Nothing to ride out and no mixed signals here. You made the same mistake many many many individuals do, and that's emotionally and physically attaching yourself before you had any idea what their intentions were. Unfortunately this isn't a dating situation where you're waiting to see if you two will be exclusive, this is a situation that turned sexual in your second meeting and now your anxiety is high because again you attached yourself physically and emotionally, again there's nothing to ride out, there's no point in waiting, this is a situation where the bandaids needs to be ripped off or you're wasting your time and your emotions.

Talk to him. ask him what his dating goals are, see if they mesh. I'm not saying come at him accusatory or demanding just simply see if your goals are the same and if they are that's amazing, if they aren't, you know it's going to be best to move on.

I wish you luck, luckily it's so early on if they don't mesh moving forward should be fairly easy. It not needy and clingy to know what someone's intentions and dating goals are. Believe me, he already knows what category you are in and will respond accordingly. Again, I hope it all works out.

Thank you! I think I will just get the nerve soon to just ask where he's at so I don't waste anymore of my effort and stress over this.. I just don't know how to come out and say it, whether it be through text or in person!? Of course I'm just scared of the answer..

Thank you! I think I will just get the nerve soon to just ask where he's at so I don't waste anymore of my effort and stress over this.. I just don't know how to come out and say it, whether it be through text or in person!? Of course I'm just scared of the answer..

In person.

OKAY so the other night it was like 9pm and he asked to hang out and I told him that it's kind of late but he did tell me that "we'll grab drinks asap". Still no set plans as of right now. Yet still texts me every day..Getting super thrown off even more now! If I do see him I want to bring up "what is this" but I don't know how exactly to say it?

OKAY so the other night it was like 9pm and he asked to hang out and I told him that it's kind of late but he did tell me that "we'll grab drinks asap". Still no set plans as of right now. Yet still texts me every day..Getting super thrown off even more now! If I do see him I want to bring up "what is this" but I don't know how exactly to say it?

I may be reading this wrong but I don't see where you asked him out.

It seems like he tried to set up a sexual meeting at 9pm and you turned him down so now he's just waiting it out until he can throw that line out again.

I don't see where clarification happened, so I can't say I understand where you're thrown off?

It's up to you, again I wouldn't do it over text because he can easily just avoid the topic, ask to meet in a neutral setting, during dating hours, i.e. Before 9:00 and ask him these questions.

I completely understand being afraid, I have been there, and since I have been there I can tell you if he avoids meeting up outside of the bedroom it's a bad sign. If you ask to hang out and he comes up with excuses it's nothing you did. He's trying to keep the status quo and hoping you continue to follow him around like a puppy not questioning anything. Again that's if he won't meet you, if he does ignore everything I said.

Good luck, rip that bandaid off!

Sorry but this behavior is a flashing neon sign that says Booty call. There's nothing to ask him and no need for a relationship talk. Just keep turning down booty call and only go on dates. In fact start dating guys who want what you want, not just booty call.

9pm and he asked to hang out