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Thread: What exactly should you talk to a girl in a bar/club about?

  1. #1
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    What exactly should you talk to a girl in a bar/club about?

    Right, so I am fairly new to the who ''picking up girls in the club'' scene after my long term relationship ended. I am not scared of approaching and speaking to girls I find attractive, or just people in general, however I do have some issues with what exactly to say. Every article I seem to read on this says ''keep it light and use banter'' but they never explain exactly what that entails. Like how do I banter with a person I know literally nothing about, and how can I get to know them if asking them about themselves is ''too heavy for the club?'' Can you help me out with some good conversational topics, as well as ways to escalate with a lady?

  2. #2
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    It’s been a long time since I’ve been clubbing (I’m so old! Lol!) - but yes, I can see that’s a skill.

    Easy topics of conversation I’ve been approached with:
    - discussion of your surroundings (ie: “hey - did you see that thing over there!”)
    - talk about the song currently playing
    - talk about the drink she’s drinking (ie: “what is that? It looks delicious!”)
    - talk about something she is wearing - preferably something innocent like her shoes or a piece of jewelry

    The truth is, if she’s also looking to pick up and she’s into it, she will recognize the effort and engage. She’ll work with you to push it forward. If she’s not into it or into it with you, she’ll probably smile, say one word back (or ignore you completely) and walk away.

    Just remember that not all girls in clubs are looking to pick up, so don’t take rejection personally. Brush it off and move on to the next.

    BTW - if you dance, on the dance floor is the easiest way to pick up. All you really need is eye contact and to start dancing in her general direction. Lol

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    I just go up to them and say "Ok, I have an amazing joke, want to hear?" When they say, "Yes", then I just say a stupid joke and go from there.

    How does Harry Potter get down a hill?
    How?
    He walks?
    *Puzzled look*
    JK! Rolling!

  4. #4
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    Well typically when u go to club a guy will come ask u to dance and than start talking to u . Or they starting making conversation with u like example " hi ,how are u ? U like this song and if the girl is interested she will keep the conversation going too.

    So it isn't that difficult just talk to us . Don't be aggressive though.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    how can I get to know them if asking them about themselves is ''too heavy for the club?''
    A dance club isn't the place to get to know anyone, it's to learn whether two strangers find one another attractive enough to get to know one another outside of the club.

    Dancing and occasional comments about your surroundings or anything else that strikes you as pertinent to the moment are fine. Buying a drink for someone you'll want to spend more time with is fine. Sending a drink over to someone you'd like to dance with is fine. Either chemistry happens, or it doesn't, and you move your focus onto someone else.

    Not everyone is there to get picked up. Some people are already in relationships or married or are otherwise just there to dance with friends. Keep that in mind so you won't view turn-downs as rejections, necessarily.

    If none of this appeals to you, you're in good company. Consider better ways to meet people if 'real' conversation is important to you or you'd rather spare your hearing and pursue bonds with people through more interesting means. In that case, consider meetup.org or hobby classes or volunteer groups to pursue actual interests and meet people who share those interests.

    EnjOy.

  7. #6
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    @Catfeeder is saying absolutely right. A dance club isn't the place to get to know anyone. Before starting anything, you need to socialize with female friends outside the party scene first. Once you get comfortable you will know them well and be able to use a friendly approach to just about any woman.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The best thing you can do after a ltr ends is start a self improvement plan. That means get in shape. update your look, etc. Also get on some quality dating apps with new good pics and a well written profile and start messaging and meeting women.

    Also open up your life to classes, courses, groups, etc. Not only to meet more people but to make yourself more interesting and improve small talk skills with strangers.

    The only women you can pick up easily in bars/clubs is club trash.
    Originally Posted by Gunners262
    I am fairly new to the who ''picking up girls in the club'' scene after my long term relationship ended.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    The only women you can pick up easily in bars/clubs is club trash.
    Say what?

    I usually find that I agree with Wiseman2 on a great many posts here, but that quote above... that has to be one of the worst generalizations and utter poppycock that I've ever read. No offense, but wow...

    Anyway, banter is about finding something amusing in the moment or taking something bland and turning it into something amusing. Don't use "lines" - keep it fresh and in the moment, no matter where you are. You can meet interesting and quality people literally anywhere whether it be at a dance club, a bar, a cafe, on the street, on public transportation. Just constantly look for things that are amusing to you, and when you spot something make a habit of commenting on it to whoever is around you. You'll get better and better at that, and it doesn't matter who is around you, everyone appreciates a good situational funny remark. By including them in the observation and joke, you're exuding confidence and humor. Do this a lot and you'll become naturally amusing in situational comedy, you'll share laughs with countless strangers, and you'll become confident that you can have light banter with anyone. The best part is that you're not "using a line to pick up a girl" in a club. You're making light of a situation with a funny comment to a stranger, and that is intriguing to people. Instead of dashing away from the line pitching guy at the bar they'll hang around a bit longer and maybe have an actual conversation with you.

    I think most people make the mistake of "trying" to pick some one up, when really, it's about meeting someone new. Don't worry so much about it. Just have fun with it, and the result, if you can find the humor in things, is that people will gravitate towards you (the fun guy, not to be confused with the funghi) and you'll have plenty of opportunity to raise the stakes and actually have a conversation.

    Pro Tip#1 If you do meet a girl in a loud place, like a club, and make her laugh, talk back and forth for a few minutes, then suggest going elsewhere for a bit because the place is "too loud". If she turns you down on that (and she likely will) say, okay - well, I'm gonna take off but before I go, can I give you a call sometime? I'd like to chat with you more, you're hysterical. Then leave.

  10. #9
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    The thing about the bar or club is you don't know what you are getting, some girls go with their single gfs but are in ltrs and just out on the town for that night. Its kind of like on line dating without the benefit of a profile. You go to the club to hang with friends and have a fun time, dance, chat etc. If you were to meet a solid potential person to date there, it would be a total fluke, it does happen, but don't count on it. So,if you have just left an LTR, then i agree with WM's advice, get out there in many different ways and don't try to rush it.


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