granny passed and i feel pretty much nothing

even when i first found out my grandma had cancer i felt like i should feel something, but i didn't, why? lastnight i went see her it was hard to see her suffering so much, and today she passed away and i still feel pretty neutral "just like everyday life" , yes she was a big part of my life i love my granny dearly but why can't i feel the pain the rest of my family feels, why im i so numb if thats the right word to use. what the crap is wrong with me, someone close to me has passed and i can't muster emotions.

My grandma died in 2016 and I never did muster up feelings about her either. However my dad had died weeks earlier so I was pretty sad already for that. Maybe you're glad she's not suffering anymore? It's kind of what happens to grandparents; mine was in her 90s and wanted to be done; maybe it's just the whole thing about it knowing it's coming, and that she lived a full life, and she wasn't really having a good time in a hospital bed being sick.

all this happend within 3 weeks, she was happy healthy driving working, found out she had cancer and now she is gone, i can only recall being sad when one person passed away and even that didn't last long. i didn't even know that person as long as most of my relatives that passed

Did she play an active role in your life?

I never felt sad when my grandad died. I did feel sad a couple of years earlier when I realised my chance to get know him had already slipped away with age (I grew up living in another town and didn’t see much of family).

What you describe is not uncommon. It sounds like repression, which is a classic unconscious defense mechanism that the human mind employs to protect itself from anxiety. You can google it. Having lost loved ones myself, my take on grief is that whatever you are feeling (or not feeling) is valid. Imo, what you describe is a valid reaction to death of a loved one and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

yes she sure was

It may hit you at a later time. You may not have come to grips with her death yet. It was all so sudden. Sometimes our minds clamp down on our emotions until the time that we can actually deal with such an event.

Your mind hasn't processed all the feelings yet. It will.

When someone dies, it doesn't seem real at first. But as time passes, it starts to sink in. Your feelings of loss will come then.

It's normal and you're normal.

I am sorry for you loss.

thank yall i just feel like crap that im feeling nothing, ppl have all ways told me that i don't have emotions, im really starting to believe them, hopefully it is just repression, maybe at the funeral it will hit me, i know i definitely react to seeing ppl hurt but idk, if thats the same as grief.

Idk I believe that it's the way some people are. I've never cried or even showed any type of emotion at funerals. My grandfather passed away I believe less than 2 years ago and I was pretty close to him and I did not really not emotion at all. Nothing. My parents even talked to me and said it's ok to show emotion sometimes if I need to.

i felt like i should feel something,

I'm sorry for your loss.

You can apply 'shoulds' to your own behaviors whenever you want, but it makes no sense to apply a 'should' to emotions. It's counter productive.

Everyone responds to crises differently. Some people go calm, keep their head, and focus on behaving in ways that are productive and helpful to others.

So instead of creating unnecessary drama over what you don't feel at the moment, trust that you'll feel whatever you NEED to feel in the privacy of the future, but for right now, you're qualified to tend to others in a caring and respectful way.

Head high, tend to family, and you'll thank yourself later.

PS: Meltdowns are over-rated.

cat i took your advice i visted a few ppl, and text a few ppl, bought my aunt a bottle of wine she likes, and sat and talked with my dad for a min.

thats really all i can do

cat i took your advice i visted a few ppl, and text a few ppl, bought my aunt a bottle of wine she likes, and sat and talked with my dad for a min.

thats really all i can do

Very good. The most important thing we can do for anyone is to show up for them. We're less capable of that when we are in our own way. You'll experience your tenderness in your own time and in your own way.

Again, I'm very sorry for your loss.