Toddler temper tantrums!!!

Hi! I'm needing advice on how to best handle my 14 month olds new tantrums.

Today we were playing outside in the yard and needed to go back inside for dinner and bedtime. She was soooo upset and rolled around on the floor crying and screaming.

What I usually do when this happens is calmly explain to her that I understand she's upset, but it's time to do this or that... sometimes I hold her and it just goes away. Today was a different level though. She bit me in the knee as I crouched in front of her. It took everything not to laugh, because she reminded me of an upset little terrier. Of course I didn't laugh and remainded calm and reassuring, but told her not to bite. Afterwards I just walked away and let her go at it for a few more minutes. I watched her and didn't leave her unsupervised of course.

I'm wondering if at this age discipline is too early? Am I handling this ok? I bet she picked up the biting from daycare as she's never done this before.

Any input or words of encouragement are welcome! For now the little monster is asleep thank god ;)

Well, what are you going to do for punishment? Hit the kid? Actually you did right. When an 18-month old starts a tantrum you're suppose to pull back and let her get it all out. If she's learned biting from the daycare center, you're suppose to give her a face cloth or a dolly to bite instead. You can also urge her to use her words to talk to you about what's wrong. She's a little young for punishment.

You're handling it perfectly in my opinion.

I don't think you need anymore disciplining. It's not necessary. Keep on what you're doing. Be calm about things, explain to her why she can't be the way she is.

Don't react to her rolling around screaming, otherwise she will know she can get her own way with that behavior.

In time, the only thing I would suggest is a time out. Tell her if she is going to lose her temper like that, that she needs to go sit on her bed for a while until she settles back down.

And make sure she does go in there and either lies down or sits there till she is calmer. (10-20 mins tops). But yes for now, she is a bit young for that. Wait till she is at least 2 or 3.

For now, I think you're doing great.

You are doing fine. Just remain calm like you have been . It is just what little kids do trying to show independence .

With kids of all ages you have to be the Three Sistents. That's Consistent, Insistent and Persistent. They learn by those Sistents and you repeating them regularly. They test the limits because that's what kids to. I think you did fine. You cant punish them at that age, they won't understand. You take them by the hand (or carry them) and do whatever it is you want them to do. Mom and Dad are the bosses and baby has to learn.

No I'd never hit her, DanZee, though I've heard some people lightly flicking the arm for example. Only for bad stuff so it has an impact. Not sure how I feel about that.

What I usually do when this happens is calmly explain to her

Naaah. Read up. It makes no sense to 'reason' with a baby under 3 who can't yet negotiate the leap between acceptance and reward.

You can either just say what it is, show what it is, ignore the tantrums you've already taught the child to express, and replace that message with, "... those don't work with you anymore". Or, you can remove the child from where she is and build wonderful and happy anticipation for what's next during the transition. If child responds with displeasure, go quiet until the child figures out that the best way to get attention from you is to express pleasure. Meanwhile, you're busy and focused on other things.

Rule of thumb: allowing a toddler to run your behavior does NOT benefit the toddler--or you.

Thanks guys! First time mom here, just wondering if I'm on the right track. Keeping baby alive for the first year is one thing, but actually getting to shaping them as a human is a whole other ball game and I'm trying to do the best job I can.

Naaah. Read up. It makes no sense to 'reason' with a baby under 3 who can't yet negotiate the leap between acceptance and reward.

 

You can either just say what it is, show what it is, ignore the tantrums you've already taught the child to express, and replace that message with, "... those don't work with you anymore". Or, you can remove the child from where she is and build wonderful and happy anticipation for what's next during the transition. If child responds with displeasure, go quiet until the child figures out that the best way to get attention from you is to express pleasure. Meanwhile, you're busy and focused on other things.

 

Rule of thumb: allowing a toddler to run your behavior does NOT benefit the toddler--or you.

Gotcha! I figured it's too early for that, though she does throw trash away when I ask her to. I wonder if she just understands more than I think, but yeah endless reasoning isn't working :)

Thanks guys! First time mom here, just wondering if I'm on the right track. Keeping baby alive for the first year is one thing, but actually getting to shaping them as a human is a whole other ball game and I'm trying to do the best job I can.

It's premature to explain takeaways as something good before doing so. Just move baby's focus onto the next thing.

Negotiation starts later, when baby can attach a reward to a desired response. It's a bit too early for that, so just make every 'next' into a shiny object as you go there.

Head high, and congrats on 14 months!

Gotcha! I figured it's too early for that, though she does throw trash away when I ask her to. I wonder if she just understands more than I think, but yeah endless reasoning isn't working :)

Throwing the trash is its own reward. That's the lesson for you: make everything into it's own reward instead of negotiating a reward 'later'. Babies don't understand 'later' until late 2 early 3. Meanwhile, just keep introducing everything as a new reward. Whenever baby balks, 'take away' attention instead of showering it in order to convince baby. Otherwise, you just teach baby that negative reactions get the rewards. That's the opposite of your desired teaching.

(((HUGS))) to you.

I too think you handled it well.

My kids (my son in particular) used to throw tantrums. My son would go in his room and completely trash it. I calmly watched him, then told him "OK, now you need to clean everything up and put it back where it belongs. Anything you don't put away is going to be given to , so if you want to keep your things make sure you put them all away". Interestingly (hah), he only threw that type of tantrum twice. He learned it sure wasn't fun having to clean up after his tantrum. And he didn't want to get his toys!

I think he was about 3 years old at that time though. I think withdrawing attention for an 18 month old is appropriate.

My cousin gives her toddler candy when he throws tantrums. She thinks bribing him will make him behave. Giant eye roll here...all he's learning is he gets candy when he throws tantrums.

Throwing the trash is its own reward. That's the lesson for you: make everything into it's own reward instead of negotiating a reward 'later'. Babies don't understand 'later' until late 2 early 3. Meanwhile, just keep introducing everything as a new reward. Whenever baby balks, 'take away' attention instead of showering it in order to convince baby. Otherwise, you just teach baby that negative reactions get the rewards. That's the opposite of your desired teaching.

 

(((HUGS))) to you.

Awesome advice, thank you!

I too think you handled it well.

 

My kids (my son in particular) used to throw tantrums. My son would go in his room and completely trash it. I calmly watched him, then told him "OK, now you need to clean everything up and put it back where it belongs. Anything you don't put away is going to be given to , so if you want to keep your things make sure you put them all away". Interestingly (hah), he only threw that type of tantrum twice. He learned it sure wasn't fun having to clean up after his tantrum. And he didn't want to get his toys!

 

I think he was about 3 years old at that time though. I think withdrawing attention for an 18 month old is appropriate.

 

My cousin gives her toddler candy when he throws tantrums. She thinks bribing him will make him behave. Giant eye roll here...all he's learning is he gets candy when he throws tantrums.

Oh my, I can see that backfiring on her for sure! :) love your solution for your son though. Agree, at this age diverting attention seems the best bet!

Yes, diverting is best for this age. I work in a daycare with this age group every day.

My son would go in his room and completely trash it. I calmly watched him, then told him "OK, now you need to clean everything up and put it back where it belongs. Anything you don't put away is going to be given to , so if you want to keep your things make sure you put them all away". Interestingly (hah), he only threw that type of tantrum twice. He learned it sure wasn't fun having to clean up after his tantrum. And he didn't want to get his toys!

This is golden. Making tantrums optional but with consequences is master psychology on a whole lotta levels. Rewarding someone ELSE with whatever a child doesn't take care of is the parental equivalent of a cherry on top.

I think you're doing really well!! I would watch SuperNanny episodes on youtube or wherever you can find them and run, don't walk, to your nearest computer and google Janet Lansbury -she has fabulous insight and tips on this stage. Also I would make sure she is getting enough sleep at night and during naps, has a consistent sleep routine and is eating healthful foods - all of that helps in general I think. I would not do arm flicking unless you want her to learn to do that to you or others. If you need to restrain her from hurting herself or others do it with the least amount of pressure.

(I taught my son words by having him help me put wet clothes from the washer into the dryer -he got to throw them in and I told him what they were - so putting her to work physically is great to to get the energy out -and lots of praise when she does the right thing).

You can do this and you're already doing this.