How do I know if my boyfriend was being honest or not?

My boyfriend is from a different state but moved to California. He told me about this female friend he's had that he hooked up with once at age 16. He told me he'd like us to meet, and I told him that was weird and said I didn't want to. He said there was nothing between them, and zero temptation.

So the other day he gets a text, and tells me he doesnt wanna fight when I ask who it is. He then tells me it's the female friend, and that he's just now replying to her text. He said he didn't want me to get mad he was texting her.. but if he wanted us to meet before why does he care? Is it because I acted funny about them being friends and told him I didn't want them hanging out alone? Or could he be doing something shady

It's likely in response to your reaction to him having this friend.

I would think if he was being shady he would have tried to hide it from you.

Instead he was transparent about it.

Jade...why don't you just break up with him already?

I think this is your 4th or 5th post about your suspicions of him cheating.

Someday soon he is really going to get tired of your constant harping on him about cheating and leave you.

are you saying that if he was being shady he would try to hide the fact that he was talking to her? He hid the message but did tell me it was her who he was talking to.

He wants you to meet her so you both can be friends too. You are paranoid and mistrustful. Give him a break for goodness sakes.

I would like to meet her, I'm just worried. I know I acted jealous and weird when he talked about her, and how he wanted us to meet but then why did he hide the screen when she messaged him if he wanted us to be friends? He said he didn't wanna make me mad and "didn't wanna fight" but admitted it was her who he was when I asked him to tell me. If he was being shady would he have told me he was talking to her at all

You can't know.

Now what?

You never respond when I ask why you don't just break up with him since you 1)obviously don't trust him and 2)you constantly harangue him about cheating, so I thought I'd create a visual aid of sorts. Here's your previous threads about your boyfriend and your suspicions of him:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=551019

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=551082

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=551333

I just don't understand why you keep putting yourself and him through all this when it's obvious the relationship and all trust is completely broken.

Why do you stay? Do you have a better reason than "But I LOVE him!!!"?

Take it from a girl who has a lot of close male friends and has maintained those friendships throughout all of my intimate relationships - you have got to relax. Most of the time women do not want to sleep with their friends. In this case, he was honest there was a very brief history but made it clear that now they are just friends. Don't let society fool you into thinking this isn't possible. It is. I live it every day. If you get jealous over his female friends it will impact your relationship badly. He's trying to bring you into that friendship so you can know her too. Accept that offer graciously and give the poor girl a chance! Maybe you'll want to be friends with her too.

I'm just worried because first he told me he wanted us to be friends, I got weird but still.. why didn't he tell me right away she texted him I had to ask him and then he confessed it was her.. if he was doing anything shady would he have told me it was her at all?

Hang on... maybe there is something to this...

Is this all the same girl? Or are they different girls?

Going back to your history - there was the ex from the break, the girl whose cat died, the condom wrapper, the Facebook post... is this all the same person we are talking about?

If it is, you are clearly not comfortable with their relationship. And maybe there is something shady going on if it keeps coming up over and over...

If it’s not the same girl... well.. you don’t trust your bf very much...

You’ve broken up before because of trust issues. Was that over the same girl too?

I'm just worried because first he told me he wanted us to be friends, I got weird but still.. why didn't he tell me right away she texted him I had to ask him and then he confessed it was her.. if he was doing anything shady would he have told me it was her at all?

Uh, because he's an adult who has a right to talk to his friends without clearing it with you first? I would drop a partner like a hot potato if they were as insecure about my communication with friends as you are with him. Maybe there is something I'm missing here, but there is nothing in your current story that suggests foul play. You are going to lose him if you keep this up.

I don't think you can handle a relationship. This guy can't do anything without you thinking he's somehow cheating on you. He wants you to meet his female friend so you can see that there's nothing go on with her and you can talk to her and ask her questions. You have to calm down or just break up with him.

You know one of the crappy things about life and dating? You won't know all the answers. When it comes to dating, you have to put yourself out there and trust.

Does it mean they won't cheat? No. But it doesn't mean they will either.

You have to go with the flow and hope they aren't doing anything they're not supposed to and choose to date them anyhow.

Yeah, it does kind of suck. It would be a million times nicer if you had all the answers all the time and knew as soon as they did something they weren't supposed to, or knew 100% they weren't doing anything and you could feel safe.

But it's not possible.

All you can do is decide if you are going to trust them and put your faith in them, or not.

There literally nothing else you can do.

But making yourself crazy like this should make yourself wonder if you're okay to be in a relationship or not.

Decide for yourself if you can trust him or not. If you can accept how he is, or not.

There really isn't anything more to it than that.

You said in your previous post he got rid of the friends he used to be intimate with:

He has gotten rid of that ex, they are not friends nor speak anymore. Anyone he's been sexual with when we broke up he severed ties with

He needs to get rid of ALL of them, from the past and present. It is not appropriate, as you discovered why after your break. He is not instilling trust by keeping such friends. There are people who can tolerate their partner remaining friends with someone they were once intimate with, and those who can't. You used to be a person who could tolerate those friendships, until he proved he would sleep with these friends he kept during your relationship as a backup after the relationship went downhill.

Look, you need to realize this guy is no longer good for you. He keeps inappropriate friendships and after breaking your trust he is making you go crazy. Your reaction isn't good, but you have lost the ability to trust him. You KNOW he will keep the friends he used to be sexual with during your relationship now and call them up after you two hit a bump in the road again, will initiate a break/breakup, go for a quickie, then will come crawling back after he's had his fun. Extremely shady behavior he's shown you here. Past behavior is a predictor of future behavior and all.

Let me make this easy for you and predict the future: he will get tired of you nagging him about girls he interacts with, will break up with you, sleeps with one of his girl friends he used to bang since he has them on speed dial, and then will want to get back with you after contracting an unknown STD from a hoebag.

If he moved away, then he had no reason to tell you about hooking up with anyone else except to hurt you and manipulate you. I'd let him keep that and focus instead on finding a local BF who doesn't play games.

If you're not willing to do that, then you're walking into this with full knowledge that you already don't trust the guy. If you won't heed your own gut, then there's nothing anyone else can say to help you.

I would like to meet her, I'm just worried. I know I acted jealous and weird when he talked about her, and how he wanted us to meet but then why did he hide the screen when she messaged him if he wanted us to be friends? He said he didn't wanna make me mad and "didn't wanna fight" but admitted it was her who he was when I asked him to tell me. If he was being shady would he have told me he was talking to her at all

He hid the screen because he knew that you would get jealous and weird and be a giant pain in his ...