Trapped

I'm currently in a relationship with a guy who has suffered from depression and sucidal thoughts for most of his life. I went into this relationship, to be honest rather blinded by my feelings for him. 1 and half years later I've now realised that there can't be a future. He's 27 and hasn't got a job. He's going to university next year, yet I need someone who has got his life sorted now. I'm forever mothering him, just so he'll do simple things like make that doctors appointment. All this has slowly made me resent him, and I wake up most days realising how unhappy I am. I've tried to talk to him about this, but he just thinks him applying for part time jobs will fix everything. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I can't leave him, because his mum is bed bound and dying, without a dad in his life and his brother living hours away. He's finally started to get his life kinda on track and I just can't be the one to mess it up for him. I feel so lost and trapped.

He is 27 years old. Time to cut the cord. Never stay with someone because you pity them or think that they need you. He will learn to deal with the breakup like everyone else and move on eventually. You aren't actually trapped.

Very important: If he threatens suicide when you cut the cord, stick to your decision and call 911. You are not helping him by staying in the relationship. You are hurting yourself.

Good luck. This forum can be a great place to get support once you've broken up with him.

Yes, you're trapped, and unfortunately people with depression trap people in a number of ways. There is no shame in walking away. In fact, you may be helping him by leaving because you may have been enabling him. You mentioned how you're mothering him, and that's just not a healthy situation for both him and you. You can help him in applying for Social Security disability insurance. Get him and his mom on welfare, food stamps and so forth. Help him get his mom on SSDI. And then let him go. He is not your responsibility and like a drowning man, he will only pull you under.

You've got your whole life ahead of you and a bright future. Maybe you can check in with him from time to time to see how he's doing, but you need to save yourself or else you will wind up depressed, lonely and trapped.

There are lots of articles on the web you can read about that may help you. Here's the first one I came across:

https://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/caregiver-break-up#1

You're not trapped by him, you're trapping yourself. Contact your local human services department for a referral to a local case worker who can put the resources in place to help the guy. Then you've done your part and can walk away to allow this adult to handle his own life with the people who are qualified to help him.

I finally did it last week, he went all quiet, and just walked out of the house. I then get a phone call asking why etc and I tell him everything.

Fast forward a week and he has vowed to get his life back on track. He's got job interviews, he's basically memorised the highway code for his driving theory test. He's doing everything I needed back then. However unfortunately I think it just may be too late. However I believe I've done something really stupid. He phoned me last night with all his plans and how he's going to do this for himself but also prove me wrong and show everyone that he is more than capable. He begged me that if he achieves everything and turns his life around, could I give us another go? He says even if it doesn't work at least we can say we've tried. He wouldn't let it go so I stupidly said I can't promise its going to work, and he just said that's fine. Just knowing I have you supporting me is enough right now. I've gone and given him false hope! I need to stop doing s**t like this. Woke up this morning to a chipper message about everything he's going to achieve today.

Thats my update and I hate myself for everything

How long have you dated? Do you live with him in his house or in a shared apt? It would be best not to string each other along like this. "He's going to...."? Seeing is believing and if he were motivated to do any of this it would have been done years ago. Don't promise him anything considering "you feel trapped". Perhaps it's time for you to reflect on why you've taken on this role of martyr and mother and enabler. You are both harming each other with all of this.

just walked out of the house. He phoned me last night with all his plans and how he's going to do this for himself but also prove me wrong.

Liberate yourself by telling him that you don't want daily updates. Tell him he can contact you after he's reached whatever goals you've agreed on, and then move your own focus forward. If he achieves the great things he's promised, then he'll have no problem catching up to you on higher ground. If he does not, then the two of you aren't a meant-to-be deal, and you'll have already moved beyond rumination about it.

Head high and focus FORward.