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Thread: He left Saturday...

  1. #1
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    He left Saturday...

    I've posted before about my husband wanting a divorce...well he left Saturday telling my kids he'd be back but he's not coming back...

    He cleared out his 401K and told me that that should be enough for us until he gets another job. He has no college education, but he had a few certifications, which helped him down here...he was making $55,000 a year here...we weren't rich, but that was pretty good...for someone with no education, that was pretty good...but he just quit it and left...

    I only have enough to afford rent for the next 2 months...I have a degree in Philosophy, but I've been working retail for the last 13 years...Ive put in a few applications, but have heard nothing yet. I'm 33 years old, I've been out of school for almost 11 years now and only have retail experience...I don't even know if i can get another job...

    I'm going to speak to a lawyer in a few hours, but i don't know what I'm going to do. I'm also going to talk to the leasing office today. I'm terrified though that even if they left me break the lease, my credit and rental history will be ruined and we won't even be able to move anywhere else. I don't even know if i can afford all of the bills for the summer...i still have to work, so my kids still need childcare...they don't even go to an actual daycare center, I've always in home daycare because they're cheaper, but that's stoll $200 a week...plus all of the other bills :-(

    And the worst part is that my 10 year old is mad at me...she says that my husband told her that we fought when she didn't know about it and that I was "mean to him"...he told her he was coming to her graduation on Wednesday, texted her when he "left" and every thing and never showed up...he wouldn't answer calls or texts...she didnt sleep at all waiting for him because he said he was on his way only to find out the next morning, he never even left 😢

    I feel like everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do...

  2. #2
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    I'm sorry that your husband handled this so immaturely. He's gone though, so now it's time for you to take action.

    You say that he left you with rent for two months. If I were you, I'd be putting in applications left and right. Any job at this point is income, no matter what it is. And yes, you CAN get a job. You must get a job so that you can support yourself and your children. You cannot depend on him or anyone else. I know you may be afraid of the unknown, but you really can do this. You must have a winners mindset.

    I agree that you should speak to your landlord and see if you can break your lease. You may not be able to afford the rent that your husband was able to pay with his higher income and you will need to be able to secure a home for yourself and your children. It's important to seek legal counsel so that a parenting plan/child support/spousal support can also be put into place for you. You are entitled to financial support and an attorney can guide you with this.

    Divorces are difficult, but you WILL be ok. Have you talked to your family and friends and can you lean on them for support? Since you have a household full of bills, is it possible for you to put your belongings in storage and move in with a friend or relative temporarily? Until you can secure a job, secure affordable childcare and an apartment? This may be the best short term solution considering that he left abruptly.

    Go to your local social services offices. Apply for housing assistance, food stamps, and they can even direct you to free legal aid to help with the soon to come divorce (if he doesn't come back or if you should decide to file) Dept of human services in most states offer low cost childcare assistance vouchers if you work and/or go to school 30 hours per week. They also offer job assistance services. I'm only suggesting these as an emergency option because money is in short supply and time is of the essence. If you qualify for any of those services, you can possibly use that money as a deposit on a new home for you and the kids. These are just a few suggestions. Good luck to you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    This has been a long time coming but I know when it becomes REAL it is very scary.

    Talk to the lawyer as soon as possible, get the address of your mother in laws house where he is running to hide from his responsibilities so they can serve him there.

    Reading your other threads he sounds like he hasn't been much of a father or a partner in this marriage and you even stated it will probably be good for everyone if the marriage ended.

    I agree you need to make an appointment with your counties social services as soon as possible to they can guide you as you seek assistance.

    There are a lot of jobs out there so keep looking, you will land one that has a future in time.

    As you go through all this try and not forget how bad it has become (read your old threads) so you don't fall into the trap of only remembering the good times. This will not be easy and you will need to start making cuts in your lifestyle today just to make sure you can survive but you and the children will get through it okay.

    Don't try and do it alone, seek out help.

    Lost

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Cleaning out accounts especially this type is something you need to talk to an attorney about asap. You may need the attorney to find a forensic account if he's cleaning out accounts in anticipation of divorce. You may need to file asap as the moment you file assets are usually frozen for this reason.

    Take all financial documents, bills, loans, bank statements, deeds, car titles, insurance policies/info etc to the attorney. You need to discuss alimony, division of assets and child support/custody.

    Run a credit check in your name/SS# and his. Change the beneficiaries on all accounts/policies to your children/ their guardian. Also contact banks, credit cards etc and sort through those and ascertain what's going on there. It would be a good idea to consult a therapist also with regard to your son and the best way for you to navigate this and do/say the right things to your son.
    Originally Posted by JandJMom
    He cleared out his 401K. I only have enough to afford rent for the next 2 months. I'm going to speak to a lawyer in a few hours.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member WhiteLotus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JandJMom
    I'm also going to talk to the leasing office today. I'm terrified though that even if they left me break the lease, my credit and rental history will be ruined and we won't even be able to move anywhere else.
    I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. I don't have much advice for you, but I saw the part of your post that I quoted and I felt like I could ease your mind. About a year and a half ago my husband and I had to break our lease due to a horrible roommate situation. It didn't have any impact on our credit and we had no trouble getting approved a few months later for a new lease at a diffent apartment complex. Hopefully that helps you to stress a little less.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by WhiteLotus
    I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. I don't have much advice for you, but I saw the part of your post that I quoted and I felt like I could ease your mind. About a year and a half ago my husband and I had to break our lease due to a horrible roommate situation. It didn't have any impact on our credit and we had no trouble getting approved a few months later for a new lease at a diffent apartment complex. Hopefully that helps you to stress a little less.
    Thread is over a year old. I sure hope this situation has been resolved by now.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Thread is over a year old. I sure hope this situation has been resolved by now.
    What, an old thread that hasn't been closed yet? LoL..... couldn't resist


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