Giving cheaters a second chance?

I would like to hear your thought, guys and gals, if you would ever take back a former boyfriend, or girlfriend that cheated on you.

If not, why and if so, under what circumstances?

Same guy?

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545574

The guy who had another secret relationship for an entire year? The guy who said he couldn't afford your medical issues?

Did he try to come crawling back? Or did you approach him?

Most likely not because once that trust is gone, it’s almost impossible to gain back

My goodness! What a memory you have! Yes, as a matter of fact, it is the same guy from last year. He has been trying to reconnect and I am skeptical about a reconciling.

I am in two minds right now. I like to think that I am a person who can forgive if someone is sincerely remorseful and works to rebuild that trust. The other part of me feels that he made his bed and he should lie in it and cheaters don't get a second chance. I want to get an objective opinion. And he reached out to me. I never contacted him after the breakup.

No, because I never would have been able to look at him the same way again.

If there is no trust, there is no relationship. I preferred to leave and move on to find someone who loved me enough to stay faithful or end it if he were unhappy and wanted out.

If my bf ever cheated on me, I would never take him back, under any circumstances.

Only if the cheating was brought about by some fundamental issues in the relationship that could be or were solved, and only if the cheater truly shows remorse and dedication to fixing their wrong.

Forgiveness is for yourself, and forgiving a sincerely sorry person is absolutely in your best interest. That DOES NOT mean you should trust that person and does not mean that you should get into a relationship with that person. Remember trust has to be earned, and with his past, it would take YEARS of fabulous behavior for you to even begin to trust him. Honestly, don't you have better things, and people, to spend time on? Life is short.

What? Diane wouldn't take him back either? He probably wants some nookie.

A boyfriend no. Taking back someone who have demonstrated a capacity of deception and of throwing you under the bus like that sounds an awful idea. If they were capable of doing it once to you, it's even more easy to repeat it next time things get tough and life IS tough.

Nope, not even in the slightest. Trust would be gone. And I don't need some bozo messing with my head and making me wondering what he is up to or making me feel second best.

There are better men out there who won't cheat.

Life is too short for people like that.

I think 99.9% the answer should be no. Special circumstances withstanding.

I made the huge mistake of taking my ex back after he cheated.

I thought that since he pursued me asking for another chance for FIVE years, that meant he was sincere.

Guess what he did when I took him back? Cheated on me!

When I confronted him, know what he said? "You knew what I was like and you came back anyway. I figured you liked being treated like that".

Taking this guy back after he had a YEAR LONG secret relationship with another woman and told you he can't afford your medical issues would be giving him permission to lie and cheat again and to be dismissive of your medical concerns. Why would you do that?

Only take a cheater back if you need another lesson on why you should never trust a cheater.

My gut tells me to let this one go. I have the same concerns that some of you have expressed here on this thread. He has been persistently pursuing me since D. kicked him to the curb. I asked him why he wants me back and remind him of all the reasons he gave for the breakup. (And all those reasons are still in place). He answers are lame.

He has asked me to forgive him (which I have done), but I also told him it doesn't mean I want you back. He then tells me, "at our age it is hard to find someone, and why am I trying to tear down when he is trying to build?" Then he adds, " D. is bipolar! She is a mental case! Why would you believe her over me?" "Haven't you ever done anything you regretted?" AND HERE'S THE REAL KICKER..."the text messages she sent to you were fabricated. She works for lawyers and would know how to alter text messages!"

My reply is, I don't trust you, I think you are a womanizer. The reasons you gave me for the breakup all are still in place. I think you are lonely and want to be with somebody, and for now, you think I will do fine until you find a woman with whom you share common interests and doesn't ask questions. I don't want to be your interim girlfriend.

What you did was wrong on so many levels. It hurt me deeply because I thought what we had was real and you seemed so genuine in your expressions of love to me. And then, you just left. I never knew you had a problem with our relationship! I always wondered why I was never invited to your home (which is 20 min. from my home), I never met your sons, nor was I ever introduced to your friends when they saw us out together. You, on the other hand, met my family, friends and a frequent visitor to my home. Why???

I was kept in the shadows. Why was I kept in the shadows? BECAUSE YOU NEVER SAW ME IN YOUR FUTURE, that's why........ and D. was the girl who you took to your home and dined with your family and saw the evenings you were not with me. I have the text messages to prove it and to me, it's as good as a fingerprint.

That's a hard lesson to learn. And the fact that he would admit that to you is unbelievable!!! He is admitting that he is a jerk, and in the same sentence, disrespecting you like that!

I hope you have found a wonderful guy and life is more meaningful after such an awful experience. I am glad you shared that with me, thank you! (Boltnrun)

OK, so stop engaging with him. Block his number and all means of contact. Forget about "hoping" he's sincere this time. His lame excuse about being older and having trouble finding someone? THAT one he means, he can't find anyone else willing to accept his BS so he's hoping to use your feelings for him to avoid being alone. That isn't a declaration of love; that's a declaration of self-pity, "poor me, I'm all alone!!!". But he's alone because he's a lying using cheater.

Please block him today.

therealchemist..........good advice. I remember hearing this somewhere about CHEATING:"It takes you further than you want to go, keeps you longer than you want to stay and costs more than your willing to pay."

That's a hard lesson to learn. And the fact that he would admit that to you is unbelievable!!! He is admitting that he is a jerk, and in the same sentence, disrespecting you like that!

I hope you have found a wonderful guy and life is more meaningful after such an awful experience. I am glad you shared that with me, thank you! (Boltnrun)

Thank you, but my priority isn't finding a guy. It's having a wonderful life, which I have, guy or no guy.

That's why I have such a hard time understanding when someone says they're "afraid to be alone". I mean, what's so scary about being alone??? I have health issues that require constant and ongoing medical care that I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life, I'm middle aged, and I am NOT "afraid to be alone". I'm doing a great job without putting myself in a position of relying on a man or anyone else.

OK, rant over lol. I hope you told that guy to pound sand.

Think about this: "When one has enough time to cheat, they also have the same amount of time to think about it."

Read my signature line...

He is a user and that is all he is ever going to be. So yes, he will continue to cheat, he will continue to treat you badly - he doesn't feel bad about it at all, he feels entitled. Yes, he may tell you whatever bs it takes to get into your good graces, but...... Why would you want such trash in your life?

If I were you, not only would I not even consider taking him back, but I'd actually block him from all means of contact. I'd spare myself from having to listen to his lies. Life is just better without living with a cheater.

I would like to hear your thought, guys and gals, if you would ever take back a former boyfriend, or girlfriend that cheated on you.

If not, why and if so, under what circumstances?

I would not...I have tried it in the past but all trust is broken. If it happens in a marriage, and there's kids involved, I might be more inclined to stay with him and try to work through it, but even then it's really iffy and doubtful! Good luck, sweetie! Hope you get the answer here you are looking for!

HeartGoesOn......Love it!