LDR Abuse Help

Hello,

I have posted a few times previously and was given advice, please don't slate me for not following it as I love this person and it's hard.

My partner has issues with OCD and maybe other related issues (BPD? NPD?)

Her big issue with ocd centres around her makeup, her appearence and having set routines and checking behaviours she has to perform before she can accept how she looks to even leave the house to do simple tasks such as going to a food shop that's 5-10 mins away. Her makeup generally takes her over 4-5 hours, this is just using cover sticks, powder, doing eyebrows and so on.

The last few days she has been getting worst each day, I woke up today to 2 texts, the first was a good morning text the second telling me how bad her skin is - this was only 7:30 am...

She usually calls me around 10:30 am, while shes doing her makeup, today I had my friend coming over for a chat and company as he has cancer and needs a friend right now, but I also did not want to talk to her during this time as the whole conversation will have her makeup as a backdrop or continually get back to that or to any subject she wants to talk about, anything I talk about lasts less then 30 seconds before its back on to her in one way or another.

I called her around 3pm she was still struggling to do her makeup for the day! bare in mind she was not even planning on leaving the house today at all, after this call I went and done some food shopping for myself.

I received texts again at around 5pm saying she has washed her makeup off again for the 4th time and cannot do it, then one saying she cannot live anymore!

I tried to call her, she blocked my call but returned it after 10 mins in which she told me she had taken an overdose of tablets, I asked what tablets, she would not answer saying its not my business and she wants to die, wanted me to " off" the phone too.

Firstly I did not believe she had taken anything as I have heard this overdose story before at least 3 or 4 times, but I continued to try talk to her, reassure her and probe her to some degree I guess. I told her I would call the ambulance and police a few times during this call but each time she told me not to, she would leave the house and they would not find her.

I got called lots of names, sworn at, told I am patronizing, after nearly an hours worth of this nonsense she admitted she had NOT taken anything and I FAILED a test! as I did not believe her? so in other words she told a lie that I didn't believe in the first place then called me for everything for not believing her when she admitted she was lying...

She has now removed herself from Facebook by deactivating her account after just ending the call on me.

I have not attempted to contact her since this, I'm at a loss with her

When was the last time you met?

Can you tell us what you see in this woman? Your convos are all about her, she is dramatic, selfish, abusive and a liar, and she does not give a crap about you. What do you actually get out of this?

Have you spoken to a therapist about your need to be with someone like this? Your relationship is disturbing.

I see that nothing has changed in three years. What do you want from the forum, as you do not follow advice.?

She is mentally ill. You are abusing yourself by staying in this relationship.

I remember your previous threads and at the risk of sounding insensitive, consider this your golden opportunity.

You don't mince words about her emotional instability. Have you ever considered that someone who is unstable to this degree, not capable of being in a relationship? It's no mystery why the two of you are just an electronic couple. That's about all she can handle.

You seem like a nice guy. Do you ever wonder what it is about this relationship and what it says about you and your own ability to be in RL relationship?

It's time to take a break and get some help. For the both of you. I mean that in the most respectful and compassionate way

Thank you for the response Holly, I am seeing the light I think now, or the wood for the tree's, my tolerance has dropped dramatically, I didn't even get upset over this latest outburst, more bemused, so I'm assuming that's me withdrawing from her and the relationship some what. My apologies for not really taking advice onboard before, I feel my judgements were very clouded previously and even though I knew things were bad I couldn't see my future without her for some reason, now I feel less stress when I am away from her.

This is what you get when you are involved with the mentally ill. Move on and don't date anyone has these issues.

It's not your responsibility to help them treat or fix their illness...it is up to them to maintain regular therapy from a professional.

Thank you and no you are not sounding insensitive, My previous relationship lasted 11 years but we drifted apart, although me and my current partner do meet up as well its not just electronic, I am currently getting help for my medical conditions with my vision, and im due to see a therapist next month again but I've also looked into hypnotherapy, thai chi classes, I feel different to when I made my other threads as in I'm no longer upset like I was

Change is just difficult sometimes and we get stuck.

By the sound of it you are making some changes and I hope you find the strength and resolve to move past this.

In the meantime please consider blocking any further contact from her.

She is toxic, unstable and does not have your best interests at heart.

Thank you for the response Holly, I am seeing the light I think now, or the wood for the tree's, my tolerance has dropped dramatically, I didn't even get upset over this latest outburst, more bemused, so I'm assuming that's me withdrawing from her and the relationship some what. My apologies for not really taking advice onboard before, I feel my judgements were very clouded previously and even though I knew things were bad I couldn't see my future without her for some reason, now I feel less stress when I am away from her.

Don't apologize. Get out for your sanity. You need to understand why you would get involved with this craziness for 3 years. This woman has many issues, but she also treats you like sh$t! She is cruel!

You should have been done, years ago!

Please get therapy!

... im due to see a therapist next month again but I've also looked into hypnotherapy, thai chi classes, I feel different to when I made my other threads as in I'm no longer upset like I was

Good Luck, OP! You are finally taking care of you!

To me it sounds like she's crying out to you for attention in a very childish way. It's possible she's displaying in a way without words that she wants you right next to her to wake up to you everyday telling her how beautiful you think she is without all that make up on her face. I know her actions say otherwise but for some women actions do not match up. They're not like MEN and say what they mean or mean what they say. She may have said those words directly to you that she wanted you to be physically present and you gave an excuse or legitimate reason and that was the end of it and to her, it meant more to her when she said it.

It's probably driving her insane that she cant touch, see, or smell you on a regular basis and she's trying to be a good sport about it because she wants to be with you.

You've been in this LDR three years. How many times have you physically seen each other face to face or spent time together?? It's also highly possible she's getting fed up with this LDR thing and wants you to end it with these over dramatic displays if they become more frequent then yeah, she definately wants you to end it.

LDRs are tough especially on a woman. Some women jump to so many conclusions and try to hide the crazy. It never works out because it comes out as other forms of crazy. It's a defense mechanism to guard her heart if the worst case -heartbreak- happens so it's possible she's subconsciously sabotaging it causing a self fulfilling prophecy. It's possible doesn't feel like she's pretty enough or good enough because you're not there to show how much you care. So she cakes on the make-up to feel pretty. Words have a powerful effect, they're not powerful enough to keep someone around. Keeping in touch every day or video chats can make it better, still that desire to touch is going to be there. Relationships require all the senses and if they're not all filled up or satisfied, it causes problems like what your girlfriend is doing. Even as much as you probably want to be there I'm sure she's extremely frustrated by the situation. Spending hours in the mirror trying to perfect her makeup that makes it obvious. This situation screams "WHAT ABOUT ME ME ME"

She has now removed herself from Facebook by deactivating her account after just ending the call on me. Childish. Don't you think? It's like she's trying to pick a fight so she can at least feel some form of passion from you. It sucks it has to be negative but maybe that's all she knows?

Me personally IMO, LDR's are a waste of time unless you see each other on a weekly basis. I wouldn't ever get back into one. I was this crazy at one point in my last LDR. Never again. Unless you're planning to move to where she's at or get her to move in with you, bite the bullet and end it.