I love my boyfriend but I wanna breakup

I've been in a relationship with my 9 months boyfriend and I really can't complain about it. Now I realize that maybe I wasn't ready to get in a new relationship, because I'm still not over my ex and that's my problem.

At the time I just thought to myself "why not?" when we started dating, after all he does everything to make me happy and really loves me and I thought that it might help me get over my ex, but it didn't. Our relationship is not perfect, but a perfect relationship doesn't exist. We've had a lot of great moments and I grew up a lot with him, he is my best friend. But I always think about my ex, there's not a day that his name doesn't come up to my mind and I've always thought that we would go back together and that's one of the reasons why I don't wanna forget him.. even if it's been almost 2 years since we broke up. I think that I still mess with him as well, but we barely speak to each other, it's like we pretend that we don't no each other but deep down we know. My hearts speeds up when I see him and I'm always affected by it. I know that he wasn't happy when I got into this relationship and at the beginning I have to admit that I felt like I was almost betraying him, because there's always been that feeling of we getting back together...

But I have nothing to complain about my current relationship really, he really loves me and I love him too and we are happy, but I keep thinking about this and I it's not right. I'm being selfish and I know it, he doesn't deserve this. He has the most kind heart and he loves me with all with it and imagines his future with me.

I'm afraid of breaking up with him, what if I regret it later? I know that it will shatter his heart into million pieces and he has a tendency to be depressed..like a lot, and he says that I am what makes his days worth.

I'm a senior now and I don't think about my future with him.

And even if I break up with him he would be caught in surprise, because there is not really a motive in our relationship to break up and I never talked about this with him. I'm really afraid I will regret breaking up with him.

I'm really confused and I don't know what to do.

I would really appreciate some help! :)

Why did you and your bf break up? Where do you see him constantly? At school?

it's been almost 2 years since we broke up. I think that I still mess with him as well, but we barely speak to each other, it's like we pretend that we don't no each other but deep down we know. My hearts speeds up when I see him

We broke up because we got distant from each other specially over the summer because we couldn't spend time with each other and at the time we just thought it would be the best for us but there was always feelings involved and we both thought about getting back together later.

we go to the same school, and there is always looks and and we don't know how to interact with each other because there is always that feeling

thanks for replying!

Well, there's a bunch of issues here. In any relationship, I believe one partner usually loves more than the other partner. And in your former relationship, you're the one wishing you could get back together with your ex, but your ex, other than maybe being a little jealous, is probably not feeling the same. So I think your desire to get back with your ex is probably unrealistic. But since you're pining for your ex while you're in your current relationship, you're right when you say there's probably something missing.

The next issue is whether you want to stay in a comfortable relationship or whether you want to go for something more heart-thumping. That's your decision. But if you're around age 21, chances are that you'll be in several more relationships before you get married, and while in your 40s you might want to settle for a comfortable relationship, I can see where that might not be your choice in your 20s. So if the relationship is not what you're looking for, you probably should break up.

But the third issue is not breaking up because you're afraid it will break your boyfriend's heart. In a way, it's better to break up now than to do it 2 or 4 years from now when it will hurt him even more. If you decide you are going to break up, you can prepare him by dropping comments like you're just not feeling it, etc. I had a girlfriend do that to me, so when she did break up with me, I was a little bit better prepared.

Anyways, if you're graduating next year, chances are your life is going to change a lot then and you may break up anyways, especially if you have to move away from your boyfriend. You have a lot of thinking to do, but my advice is to stop thinking about your ex and maybe stick it out with your boyfriend until you graduate. What you do is up to you.

So breaking up with him will accomplish what? You and your ex are done. Your ex may be jelly over your relationship, but that doesn't mean he's still in love with you. It's more of an ego thing IMO and possibly doesn't want to see you happy with someone else. It's been two years...it's time to let go.

^ It's not about getting her ex back, it's about her not being fully invested in the current relationship because she's still really emotionally attached to her ex. The decent and right thing to do is to break up.

None of these guys sound right for you. You ex gave up and other than being jealous, which is an ego thing NOT love, doesn't sound much of a prospect. Your current boyfriend proved to be a rebound that you are using as a placeholder because you can't handle being single. The decent thing to do would be to break up with your boyfriend as you are bound to drop him on his a$$ the moment someone more interesting comes along.

^ It's not about getting her ex back, it's about her not being fully invested in the current relationship because she's still really emotionally attached to her ex. The decent and right thing to do is to break up.

Don't kid yourself...she does/would like to. She mentions how her heart is a flutter when she thinks and sees him, he still contacts her, he is jealous of her new bf which makes her think there is a possibility he could be in love with her....she's fishing for someone to tell her yes he is, and it was meant to be. My guess is she wants confirmation he is and in order to pursue a second chance with him is to breakup with her BF. She want to get back together with him, she doesn't want to admit it openly. If her ex told her he loves her and wants to be with her, she would drop that BF like a hot potato.

^ I just meant you're not thinking about the boyfriend in the situation at all. I feel bad for him so think it's the right thing to break up. You're just focusing on the ex.

I think that is it, I don't pursue a relationship after this one, not even with my ex

As Danzee ^ said when I graduate things will change a lot and me and my current boyfriend have talked about it and how we might end up, we both want different things in different cities (college) and I think that having a relationship at the time wouldn't be the best

I know I said I imagine getting back together with my ex but what I really think I need is closure with him, maybe we can get together but nothing too serious after this, but that is not the purpose of breaking up with my boyfriend at all

I just don't feel right having all these feelings

^ It's not about getting her ex back, it's about her not being fully invested in the current relationship because she's still really emotionally attached to her ex. The decent and right thing to do is to break up.

I think that is it, I don't pursue a relationship after this one, not even with my ex

As Danzee ^ said when I graduate things will change a lot and me and my current boyfriend have talked about it and how we might end up, we both want different things in different cities (college) and I think that having a relationship at the time wouldn't be the best

I know I said I imagine getting back together with my ex but what I really think I need is closure with him, maybe we can get together but nothing too serious after this, but that is not the purpose of breaking up with my boyfriend at all

I just don't feel right having all these feelings

I've been in a relationship with my 9 months boyfriend and I really can't complain about it. Now I realize that maybe I wasn't ready to get in a new relationship, because I'm still not over my ex and that's my problem.

At the time I just thought to myself "why not?" when we started dating, after all he does everything to make me happy and really loves me and I thought that it might help me get over my ex, but it didn't. Our relationship is not perfect, but a perfect relationship doesn't exist. We've had a lot of great moments and I grew up a lot with him, he is my best friend. But I always think about my ex, there's not a day that his name doesn't come up to my mind and I've always thought that we would go back together and that's one of the reasons why I don't wanna forget him.. even if it's been almost 2 years since we broke up. I think that I still mess with him as well, but we barely speak to each other, it's like we pretend that we don't no each other but deep down we know. My hearts speeds up when I see him and I'm always affected by it. I know that he wasn't happy when I got into this relationship and at the beginning I have to admit that I felt like I was almost betraying him, because there's always been that feeling of we getting back together...

But I have nothing to complain about my current relationship really, he really loves me and I love him too and we are happy, but I keep thinking about this and I it's not right. I'm being selfish and I know it, he doesn't deserve this. He has the most kind heart and he loves me with all with it and imagines his future with me.

I'm afraid of breaking up with him, what if I regret it later? I know that it will shatter his heart into million pieces and he has a tendency to be depressed..like a lot, and he says that I am what makes his days worth.

I'm a senior now and I don't think about my future with him.

And even if I break up with him he would be caught in surprise, because there is not really a motive in our relationship to break up and I never talked about this with him. I'm really afraid I will regret breaking up with him.

I'm really confused and I don't know what to do.

 

I would really appreciate some help! :)

You knew in the beginning that you weren’t over your ex, but you said “WHY NOT”. Like your current bf was some lab rat to emotionally experiment on. Now you realize 9months later that you still have the same feelings for your ex and your experiment or quick fix failed at the expense of another person? Why not at the 5th month or 6th when you were still thinking about your ex, why didn’t you end it then and save this poor guy from such a traumatizing event. You’ve been with this guy for 9mths, almost a full year. He went all in with you. You had high hopes that one day you would get back with your ex, you went into the relationship having this hope and ya did it anyway. So this poor guy didn’t have a chance from the start. How sad and cruel.

“He does everything to make me happy”. Those are your words. So you know he has issues with depression, so how is playing this sick little game with him gonna make him feel? Your gonna “shatter his heart into a million pieces”, and you say this already knowing that it’s gonna happen, but you’ll be fine right because the whole time he was pouring his heart out to you, you were thinking about your dam* ex. How selfish of you. “Imagines a future with you”. Well he’s gonna hit the jackpot when you leave him because idk who in there right mind would ever wanna be with someone so cruel and emotionally abusive/selfish. Here is this soundingly great guy, who is gonna be crushed soon because some little girl wanted to use him to try to get over her ex, but “why not” right. You felt like you were “betraying” your EX by getting with the poor guy your with now.

I think when you break this poor guys heart you need to think. Think long and hard before you attempt to use another human being for your own personal gain. This is sick, cruel, twisted and downright wrong. Get some help.

Red88

I know I probably sound like an with this guys, but I really do have consideration about my boyfriend, I'm just confused and can't control my feelings. I'm sure you all have been there.

“ I've always thought that we would go back together and that's one of the reasons why I don't wanna forget him”

^^^^ Your words

Then why get into another relationship while knowing this ??

You knew in the beginning that you weren’t over your ex, but you said “WHY NOT”. Like your current bf was some lab rat to emotionally experiment on. Now you realize 9months later that you still have the same feelings for your ex and your experiment or quick fix failed at the expense of another person? Why not at the 5th month or 6th when you were still thinking about your ex, why didn’t you end it then and save this poor guy from such a traumatizing event. You’ve been with this guy for 9mths, almost a full year. He went all in with you. You had high hopes that one day you would get back with your ex, you went into the relationship having this hope and ya did it anyway. So this poor guy didn’t have a chance from the start. How sad and cruel.

 

“He does everything to make me happy”. Those are your words. So you know he has issues with depression, so how is playing this sick little game with him gonna make him feel? Your gonna “shatter his heart into a million pieces”, and you say this already knowing that it’s gonna happen, but you’ll be fine right because the whole time he was pouring his heart out to you, you were thinking about your dam* ex. How selfish of you. “Imagines a future with you”. Well he’s gonna hit the jackpot when you leave him because idk who in there right mind would ever wanna be with someone so cruel and emotionally abusive/selfish. Here is this soundingly great guy, who is gonna be crushed soon because some little girl wanted to use him to try to get over her ex, but “why not” right. You felt like you were “betraying” your EX by getting with the poor guy your with now.

 

I think when you break this poor guys heart you need to think. Think long and hard before you attempt to use another human being for your own personal gain. This is sick, cruel, twisted and downright wrong. Get some help.

 

Red88

It's not like that jesus christ!! as I said I love him and i've had the best time with him and gave it all in as well but maybe not at this point, it's lately that i've been thinking this much about this and we actually talked today about our future together since we are both going to different colleges in different cities and we might be coming to an end

I'm sorry I didn't express myself very clearly, I'm not playing games with anyone, our relationship was wonderful and we are happy

I've always been the only one to help him in his darkest times so it's selfish of you to say that, and i will always be willing to help him and be there for him with all the care in the world, because he is my best friend.

“ I've always thought that we would go back together and that's one of the reasons why I don't wanna forget him”

 

^^^^ Your words

 

 

Then why get into another relationship while knowing this ??

because at that time those were feelings that were quite vanished and just deep and far thoughts that i didn't give much attention to

and i thought that that was something normal because you never forget someone entirely

You were never over you ex. You had hopes of one day reconciling with your ex. You entered the relationship with a “why not” mentality. You said “my heart speeds up when I see him”. “Not a day goes by when you don’t think of his (your ex) name”.

Really? All the while your current bf knows nothing of this.

Since you care so much for him, did you ever tell him these things? Did you tell him when your around your ex your “heart speeds up”? Or did you ever till him “not a day goes by when you don’t think of your ex’s name”? Did you tell him any of that?

^ You sound really mad and like you're projecting some of your own issues. She's a senior in high school, she made some bad choices, she's not a demon.

Also, people enter relationships with a 'why not mentality' all the time. You are not head over heels with someone at the start-you start with interest and a curiosity which falls under that 'why not' category. Yes, her feelings for her ex was probably quite prominent, but it's not like she intentionally went out with him to use him.

She can learn from this and just break up with the guy. She can stay single and get passed her feelings and then try again when she's over that ex. Everything will be ok.

I’m not really mad, and I’m not projecting my own issues. I’m past a lot of hurt, but I do know I’m not done yet. Not downgrading this in comparison to my struggle at all, I just wanna put that disclaimer out there.

Ok so it is frustrating to hear this story I will admit.

I know how this story will most likely be played out.

She’ll break his heart, he’ll be crushed and caught off guard wondering why (maybe she’ll tell him about her thoughts about her ex), he’ll most like beg/plead, spend the next 6mths to a year healing, the phone games, waiting on a text/phone call, the mixed signals, the social media, etc, all of it. Hopefully I’m wrong. I guess that’s the cycle of life.

But these are the lessons and the trials that shape us into the more improved, stronger versions of ourselves. I guess that’s how we learn and grow, through the pain. Nobody said life was easy i guess.

If an apology is in order I do apologize. Relationships are so complex, never simple. This dynamic of a relationship happens all the time I should get used to it.

Red88

This is pretty simple. You need to break up with your current boyfriend. He's not ticking all your boxes and you will dump him eventually anyways. Better to do it sooner than later. Next, attempt to sit down and have a talk with your ex and that you'd like to try again. If he says no then at least you'll know and won't have any regrets. If your ex does turn you down stay single for awhile and don't rebound with someone.

I'm afraid of breaking up with him, what if I regret it later? You're pining over your current ex, you'll regret breaking up with the one you're with.

you said a day doesn't go by your ex's name doesn't pop into your head it's because you have a case of the shoulda coulda wouldas and you're idealizing your ex to be this perfect man. That's why your current relationship doesn't feel right. You're living in a fantasy and believe me honey, the fantasy is always better than the reality because when you have the reality, you're then dealing with an actual person capable of free thoughts and actions and it won't always be picture perfect like it is in your head.

Learn to be happy with what you have. This man you are with loves you and plans the future with you. This other man is making no effort and pretends he doesn't even know you.