Jump to content

Will animal abuse lead to other types of abuse?


kitteh

Recommended Posts

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and we’ve lived together for 3 years. We recently got a puppy and I’ve now seen a side of my bf that scares me.

 

Getting a puppy is obviously stressful, some compare it to having a baby. I knew this might be hard on our relationship for maybe a few weeks until we adjusted but I didn’t expect us to completely disagree on how to discipline the puppy.

 

My boyfriend is usually a pretty nice guy.. there’s some things that will get him going but never to the point of physical aggression. Once we got the puppy and the puppy started to pee in the house / chase our cats / bark too much my boyfriend started to completely explode on the little thing. In my eyes the puppy (only 11 weeks old) is so young he needs time and patience to be trained because it’s not going to happen overnight. My boyfriend disagrees and can not handle any errors from the puppy. The 2nd week we had the puppy it was jumping up on my bf while he was working on something and he pushed the puppy so hard with anger that the puppy flew into the air and landed awkwardly on its leg. The puppy started to yelp/cry hysterically in pain and I thought its leg was broken. I started crying because I was so worried about the puppy but my bf said “I barely touched him” and was super defensive and didn’t seem to care that he had hurt the puppy. The puppy limped for a few days but thank goodness made a full recovery.

 

Now almost daily my bf smacks and screams at the top of his lungs at the puppy for the littlest errors. He’s so loud that my heart starts racing and I feel terrified. I’ve been avoiding being around him and trying to keep the puppy away from him because I’m afraid he will hurt the puppy again. I’ve told my bf that he needs to be more patient and that I don’t agree with him hitting the puppy but it just makes my bf even more angry when try to talk to him about it.

 

Now all I can’t think about in the back of my mind is I can’t ever have children with my bf. I wouldn’t feel safe leaving our children alone with him because I don’t even feel safe leaving our puppy alone with him. I wasn’t even planning on having a baby anytime soon but now all I can think about is maybe I need to get out of this relationship if I don’t feel safe raising a family with him.

 

Before the puppy I would have said yes to having a family with my bf (we had discussed that maybe in a year or two we would try) but now a month after getting the puppy and seeing how he treats it I can’t imagine myself ever trusting him enough to be the father of my children.

 

Am I over reacting? Will his anger towards the puppy pass once the puppy is fully trained? Or do I need to end things? I feel completely lost and overwhelmed with what I should do.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Link to comment
  • Replies 75
  • Created
  • Last Reply

I would nominally consider myself to not be cruel but I have lived with animals that brought out the worst in me.

 

Your fb is completely in the wrong, he needs to check himself and fix his emotional regulation and I agree with the others, get the puppy and possibly even yourself out of there. Your bf has demonstrated he lacks patience and compassion.

Link to comment

Please make sure the puppy is safe. If you can't take care of the puppy AWAY from your boyfriend, perhaps it'd be best to rehome him.

The puppy can develop lots of behavioral problems under this situation. Not to mention this can't be healthy for everybody involved. I really can't tell you for sure how he'd behave with small children and how he'd deal with the frustation of newborn. But I can tell you he is a danger to the puppy (and your mental well being from being in constant duress and worry).

Link to comment

The first time I got a puppy, it brought out the worst of me. Over time I learned to be more patient and I concluded that punishments just led to more frustration for both the puppy and me. Three years later I don't get irritated anymore.

 

Now, I don't believe that his behaviour towards the puppy means he would behave the same way towards his baby. A puppy is not the same as your child imo. Does it mean he has a cruel streak? Most likely. Give him time to adjust to the new situation. Pets are not easy for everyone.

Link to comment
How about not worrying about the kid you don't have and worry about the puppy you do have. You adopted it, you're responsible for it. At only 11 weeks, you can very easily find it another home.

 

You’re right I shouldn’t being worrying about the future and instead I should be dealing with the current situation. I’ve grown so attached to the puppy and don’t want to give him up but I know if I want to keep him i will need to end my relationship and move out of our house which is not a easy or quick thing to do. I really didn’t see this coming (he’s never been abusive towards our cats) and the last month has flipped my life upside down. I thought I’d be with my bf forever.. I just can’t believe that after 4 years with someone they can show a side I’ve never seen before. I feel really stupid to be honest. I’ve been spending every second my bf is home protecting the puppy and keeping him away from him but it’s so exhausting. Can’t sleep thinking about what to do with the puppy, how to end the relationship, how/where to move to. I also feel like my family will be so disappointed in me because they really like my bf.

Thanks for your honest advice.

Link to comment
The first time I got a puppy, it brought out the worst of me. Over time I learned to be more patient and I concluded that punishments just led to more frustration for both the puppy and me. Three years later I don't get irritated anymore.

 

Now, I don't believe that his behaviour towards the puppy means he would behave the same way towards his baby. A puppy is not the same as your child imo. Does it mean he has a cruel streak? Most likely. Give him time to adjust to the new situation. Pets are not easy for everyone.

 

Thanks for seeing both sides of the story. I’ve also read that puppies can bring out the worst in ppl as they require an immense amount of patience but I guess theres a line i need to draw.. I don’t want to be with someone who is abusive towards a puppy but this is also the first time I’ve seen this behavior from my bf (he’s never been abusive towards our cats). Giving up 4 pretty happy years with my bf is hard to do.. but I feel like I can’t look at him the same way anymore.. I’ve lost trust in him. This has all happened so quickly. Part of me says give it time but part of me is saying get out. Feeling very overwhelmed.

Link to comment
How do you think they will feel if they know that he is abusing a little dog? I am mortified that this has been going on this long.

 

How can you have an ounce of respect for this man?

 

I’ve only had the puppy one month. And my bfs behavior came as a complete shock to me. He doesn’t have a past history of abuse (he’s never been abusive to me or our cats before) The puppy has been a lot of work and I’ve been very patient with the puppy and working very hard to train him. I grew up with dogs so maybe I’ve learnt to be more patient with animals.. this is my bfs first dog. After the first incident (2 weeks after getting the puppy) I promise you I have not left the puppy alone with my bf at all. He has like I said in my post smacked the puppy on his bottom when he pees in the house and yells very loudly when the puppy chases our cats. Ive made it clear to my bf that I’m not okay with the way he disciplines the puppy and he knows it upsets me. I care a lot for the puppy and want to do what’s best for him.. even if it means I have to give him up. I’m sure if I was reading this post from someone else’s profile I would be saying the exact same things you are.. I would tell the person to leave with the puppy too. I completely understand your point of view. It’s just really hard to give up not only a puppy you’ve grown so close to but also to give up on a relationship of 4 years where I had no previous problems. The recent events have obviously changed how I feel about my bf. The last few weeks have been really hard trying to figure out what to do. I thought my bf was a good guy before this all happened but my views on him have completely changed now. I need to figure out how to end things with my bf and how and where to move to. Thank you for your concern for the puppy, I promise you I won’t let any more harm come to him. I will figure out what to do and let you know what happens. I will have to talk to my dad and tell him everything. He may be able to take the puppy for me. If he can’t then I will contact the breeder where I purchased the puppy and return him to her. Thanks for your concern. I do appreciate it and will let you know what happens this week.

Link to comment

I wouldn't end a good relationship over this because I have been on the other side. If he never had a dog before, his behaviour is not that strange. It takes time to adapt. Don't expect him to obtain unlimited patience in a month.

 

I have heard about men who get angry when they have their first baby. Patience is not innate in everyone, it can be trained though up to a certain extent. Since your boyfriend doesn't demonstrate abusive behaviour towards your cats, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he is an abusive person in general.

Link to comment

How old is he? Was it a mutual decision to get a puppy? Is he this uptight about other things? Yes discuss this with your parents and consider leaving the dog there. You're not doing anyone, including the dog, any favors by keeping it there. You may be with it when your bf is there but you can't change your bf or the way a puppy acts or what happens if you are sleeping or not currently in the room.

 

He's already abused the animal and you keeping it there as your toy rather than protecting it is just as bad. As far as his temperment goes, you seem unwilling to end things but be aware that normal people don't toss animals around when they are annoyed. Your parents may like him but isn't it up to you to determine what red flags you'll take note of?

Link to comment

Your main question is regarding whether your boyfriends current behaviour towards a puppy is going to corrolate towards a child in the future. Although there are studies into young offenders with a history or animal abuse leading onto much more sinister crimes such as murder. There are a few details missing on your behalf before you jump to that conclusion.

 

Firstly, was this a joint decision to have a puppy? If not then I have no sympathy for you. After working in animal rescue, this is a very common story. In my opinion he has every right to be angry. As cute as a puppy may seem they are a commitment, they have no boundries, they have no manners. They do not care about your belongings, they do not care about hygiene. A puppy in the eyes of a uneducated person can be hell.

 

However, if this is a joint decision and you did educate yourself on puppy behaviour needs and wants. Then still, there is no need for alarm. He may not be maternal about a puppy but it is different if it was your own child. Some people have big views on the differences between animals and people. They understand that people have needs and that a dogs needs are different. He may not know how to correct a puppies behaviour correctly and may need to feel that a stern hand is required. But yes, you are right there is stern and there is stern. I've met many top dog behaviourist that still smack there dogs. The annoying thing about animal welfare and behaviour is it is a grey area when it comes to what is right and what is wrong.

 

I would talk to him, see what he wants out of the puppy. It sounds like he is overwhelmed by it. In that case, have a appointed dog only room such as the kitchen ( often connects to the garden for ease of toilet breaking). Remind him, that it is only a puppy and IT WILL get better, i know its a lot of work but trust me by around 1 years they get better if the training is kept up to date. Include him on the training as well, otherwise your dog will only listen to you and will become confused.

 

There are services out there if you do feel the need to rehome the dog but in my eyes that is the last resort. I hope this helps you and good luck.

Link to comment
I’ve only had the puppy one month. And my bfs behavior came as a complete shock to me. He doesn’t have a past history of abuse (he’s never been abusive to me or our cats before) The puppy has been a lot of work and I’ve been very patient with the puppy and working very hard to train him. I grew up with dogs so maybe I’ve learnt to be more patient with animals.. this is my bfs first dog. After the first incident (2 weeks after getting the puppy) I promise you I have not left the puppy alone with my bf at all. He has like I said in my post smacked the puppy on his bottom when he pees in the house and yells very loudly when the puppy chases our cats. Ive made it clear to my bf that I’m not okay with the way he disciplines the puppy and he knows it upsets me. I care a lot for the puppy and want to do what’s best for him.. even if it means I have to give him up. I’m sure if I was reading this post from someone else’s profile I would be saying the exact same things you are.. I would tell the person to leave with the puppy too. I completely understand your point of view. It’s just really hard to give up not only a puppy you’ve grown so close to but also to give up on a relationship of 4 years where I had no previous problems. The recent events have obviously changed how I feel about my bf. The last few weeks have been really hard trying to figure out what to do. I thought my bf was a good guy before this all happened but my views on him have completely changed now. I need to figure out how to end things with my bf and how and where to move to. Thank you for your concern for the puppy, I promise you I won’t let any more harm come to him. I will figure out what to do and let you know what happens. I will have to talk to my dad and tell him everything. He may be able to take the puppy for me. If he can’t then I will contact the breeder where I purchased the puppy and return him to her. Thanks for your concern. I do appreciate it and will let you know what happens this week.

 

I know that you are going through a terrible time, and commend you for bringing it here.

 

Like you, I grew up with dogs. I also adore and respect all animals, so it is very hard to here of someone yelling, smacking - not a way to train - and injuring an animal due to their lack of self control. The fact that he was not disturbed and ashamed of his behavior after the kicking incident, says a lot.

 

I wish you the best in whatever you do. If the breeder is aware of abuse, they should take it back.

Link to comment
I wouldn't end a good relationship over this because I have been on the other side. If he never had a dog before, his behaviour is not that strange. It takes time to adapt. Don't expect him to obtain unlimited patience in a month.

 

I have heard about men who get angry when they have their first baby. Patience is not innate in everyone, it can be trained though up to a certain extent. Since your boyfriend doesn't demonstrate abusive behaviour towards your cats, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he is an abusive person in general.

 

I don't understand how not ever owning a dog can be an excuse for abuse.

 

If he injured and was smacking/screaming a baby would you say the same?

Link to comment
You’re right I shouldn’t being worrying about the future and instead I should be dealing with the current situation. I’ve grown so attached to the puppy and don’t want to give him up but I know if I want to keep him i will need to end my relationship and move out of our house which is not a easy or quick thing to do. I really didn’t see this coming (he’s never been abusive towards our cats) and the last month has flipped my life upside down. I thought I’d be with my bf forever.. I just can’t believe that after 4 years with someone they can show a side I’ve never seen before. I feel really stupid to be honest. I’ve been spending every second my bf is home protecting the puppy and keeping him away from him but it’s so exhausting. Can’t sleep thinking about what to do with the puppy, how to end the relationship, how/where to move to. I also feel like my family will be so disappointed in me because they really like my bf.

Thanks for your honest advice.

Who cares what they think of your BF. Its your life and you need to get the puppy and yourself out of that situation asap.

 

There is no excuse here .

Link to comment
I don't understand how not ever owning a dog can be an excuse for abuse.

 

If he injured and was smacking/screaming a baby would you say the same?

You misconstrued my words. Smacking and screaming are abuse but given that he never had a puppy before, his behaviour is not that preposterous. It takes time for someone to adapt and learn to control himself. If he is willing to learn of course. The injury was over the top though.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...