What should i do?? Please help :(

Okay so I've been with my partner for 7 months, we are long distance ( Kind of, we live an hour apart and he is always busy because of work so we usually see each other like every 2/3 weeks) and up until recently everything has been great. He's honestly a great guy and I love him to bits but for the past few weeks we have been having issues and I feel like these problems are usually my fault because I'm more needy than the average person. He knows this and is okay with it.

I think the distance between us is starting to get to me and I also feel like we are drifting apart because of this.

I dont want to break up over something so trivial but I also dont want things to get upset to the point that we start resenting each other.

What should I do?

I would appreciate any ideas :)

If you cant quit being so needy then your relationship will fail sooner or later. Maybe an hour apart is just too much for you.

You only see each other once in 2 or 3 weeks?

Did I read this right?

Yes thats right

I know that. Thats why I am asking for advice

Does he only drive to see you? Do you drive to him?

1 hour is not far at all

Only seeing each other this seldom, the somewhat long distance and being "too busy" is not trivial. After 7 mos of this many would consider this a deal-breaker. If it's not working it's ok to admit it's not working rather than build up resentment.

we usually see each other like every 2/3 weeks. I dont want to break up over something so trivial

I know its not far at all but he is constantly busy with work and his studies so we cant see each other frequently. He usually comes to see me

Does he only drive to see you? Do you drive to him?

 

1 hour is not far at all

I agree. 1 hour is really not that far, and you guys could be seeing each other a lot more every weekend. Sometimes that's not plausible I know, but exceptions need to be made for romance to thrive. 2/3 weeks is not really the go.

Only seeing each other this seldom, the somewhat long distance and being "too busy" is not trivial. After 7 mos of this many would consider this a deal-breaker. If it's not working it's ok to admit it's not working rather than build up resentment.

I guess you're right but I also dont want to give up at the first sign of trouble because I do love him

When you do get together, what types of things do you do?

Is the time you're spending together "quality" time?

Versus Netflix and Chill type of time?

Personally I value quality over quantity; however I do think seeing each other only once every 2-3 weeks when he only lives one hour away is questionable.

Many people work more than one hour away and drive to/from every single day. And they're busy too, with kids, families and such.

Just something to think about, I know you love him but you don't want to get strung along either.

I agree. 1 hour is really not that far, and you guys could be seeing each other a lot more every weekend. Sometimes that's not plausible I know, but exceptions need to be made for romance to thrive. 2/3 weeks is not really the go.

I see. I will make the effort to try and see him more. Hopefully things go well

You should be splitting the effort to see each other 50/50

When you do get together, what types of things do you do?

 

Is the time you're spending together "quality" time? Versus Netflix and Chill type of time?

 

Personally I value quality over quantity; however I do think only seeing each other once every 2-3 weeks when he only lives one hour away is questionable.

I feel like we do spend quality time together when we do get to see each other.

Are you suggesting that there may be something going on??

You should be splitting the effort to see each other 50/50

Thats what I wanted to do from the start but he wasn't totally for it because he still lives with his parents and feels we wouldn't get to spend time together properly if I was to come down.

I am at uni so when he comes down we get to spend the whole day/night together.

I guess you're right but I also dont want to give up at the first sign of trouble because I do love him

This isn’t about giving up - it’s about what works FOR YOU.

You said it yourself that the relationship with someone living an hour away and only getting to see each other once in 2 weeks minimum does not work for you. Some people are not content with that relationship dynamic, and that’s ok. If it’s not working out then there is no point in staying.

I feel like these problems are usually my fault because I'm more needy than the average person. He knows this and is okay with it.

I don't think wanting to see him more than once or twice a month makes you needy.

It's perfectly normal and necessary to spend one on one time with someone in order to keep a relationship going.

Consider this a situation that does not meet your needs and that's ok.

This isn’t about giving up - it’s about what works FOR YOU.

 

You said it yourself that the relationship with someone living an hour away and only getting to see each other once in 2 weeks minimum does not work for you. Some people are not content with that relationship dynamic, and that’s ok. If it’s not working out then there is no point in staying.

But ive been content with it for 6 months. Im not saying indefinitely that distance is the problem here, its just the only reason I could come up with for whats been happening lately.

This is the first sign of trouble in our relationship . i'd at least like to try different methods and if that doesn't work call it quits.

Do you get where im coming from?

This is the first sign of trouble in our relationship . i'd at least like to try different methods and if that doesn't work call it quits.

I know that's what you're going with but this first sign of trouble has likely been an issue all along.

7 months in and the high of new love is wearing off and you are finally able to admit it to yourself.

You are also willing to label yourself with some character flaw (needy) in order to take the blame.

So what are you going to do? From what you've shared, he seems to think it's fine?

This is the first sign of trouble in our relationship . i'd at least like to try different methods and if that doesn't work call it quits.

 

Do you get where im coming from?

I understand what you're saying, but this isn't the first sign of trouble. You've already said he's done nothing to better himself or move out from his parents. If I were he, I would be trying to see you at least every weekend. I went two weeks without seeing my girlfriend because I was working 80 hours weeks and she calls me up thinking I'm breaking up with her. You seem very patient with him. Maybe too patient.

I feel like I haven't given enough detail in my post

We're both young, haven't even finished with our studies.

My boyfriend works 6 days a week and is also studying for his degree. He only recently passed his driving test and got a car so this whole time he has been taking trains up to see me.

I dont go back home often because my mother isn't very approving of our relationship due to her Christian values, so he is unable to come over to mine and stay the night.

Obviously he isn't fine with our current situation but he tries his best to see me whenever he can and hopes that soon we will be able to be together more often

 

Obviously he isn't fine with our current situation but he tries his best to see me whenever he can and hopes that soon we will be able to be together more often

So this is what you have. No compromise.

You are either ok with it, or you aren't.

You get to decide if it's worth continuing on these terms.

So this is what you have. No compromise.

You are either ok with it, or you aren't.

You get to decide if it's worth continuing on these terms.

Im going to take a while to think about what I want.

Im also going to be seeing him this weekend so I guess I'll talk it out with him then

Thank you all for taking the time to give me your advice. It is greatly appreciated :)

It sounds like you've hashed out a lot of it with others on the forum, but I want to ask if he's invited you to meet his friends or his parents? I could understand him wanting his time with you to be filled with only you, but after 7 months I would think it appropriate for you to become a little more ingrained in his life. I would be worried that no one even knew I existed if I hadn't had some introductions by then.

Also, an hour really isn't a long distance relationship. I did two plane flights for awhile. You're seeing this guy about as much as I saw the person who was multiple plane flights away.

If you feel like you're growing apart, you probably are - even established relationships need regular time together to keep them going. It also doesn't sound like he's left much room for the relationship to grow and become more intimate. Try having a mature conversation with the guy about how you're feeling instead of labeling yourself as needy. If he really works that much and goes to school, he is very stretched, but it doesn't mean a compromise of some kind couldn't be struck. Frankly, he's not worth it if he doesn't at least hear you out in a kind and compassionate manner. A lot of women would not be okay with the current situation you are experiencing.