Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 36

Thread: Partner joked about my mental health, thinks Iím going to shoot him?

  1. #1
    Member jchxd8's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    20
    Gender
    Female

    Partner joked about my mental health, thinks Iím going to shoot him?

    My bf (28 male) made a joke last night about my (28 female) anxiety issues. Is this something you would joke about with your partner?

    I recently in the past three months have started anxiety medication for my anxiety and have been seeing a counselor. Itís been helping a lot and I feel like it was a good decision for me. My partner was apprehensive about me being on medication (such a stigma) but overall supportive.

    My partner carries a gun and sleeps with guns in his bedside table and one in mine. This doesnít really bother me. Last night as he was putting his gun in the bedside table he asked me if him carrying his gun scares me and I told him it didnít. I said ďitís not like you are going to shoot me or anythingĒ and he responded withĒ true, if anyone is going to kill anyone you would kill me.Ē
    I asked him what he meant by that as I legitimately am a very non violent person and also donít even know how to use a gun. He said ď well you take those crazy meds and sometimes people who take them go crazy and kill peopleĒ.

    I was stunned.

    I told him thatís not true i would never hurt anyone and he said ďwell still, you are more likely to kill me.Ē

    For some reason hearing him say this doesnít really shock me that much as the other night I couldnít fall asleep and I was digging in my bedside table for my melatonin and he asked me in a slightly alarmed voice ďwhat i was doingĒ it struck me as weird he would wonder what I was doing so I told him looking for my melatonin and I didnít wanna turn the light on since he was sleeping. I got the feeling he was concerned about the gun.

    So I asked him after he made that comment ďthe other night when I was rummaging Iím the drawer were you concerned about me shooting you or something?Ē And he said ďwell yeahĒ and then laughed about it. I told him that wasnít nice to say and he said he was just joking. This doesnít feel like a joke.

    I am in shock. I just take basic low dosage anxiety meds. I have never been violent with this man. We live together. Iím hurt by his comments. He must think Iím some crazy person.

    Would you be upset if your partner said this to you?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,063
    Gender
    Female
    My azz would be out the door if my partner said that to me . I would say I donít care for your stigmatizing me ,goodbye . And I would be gone.

    Although Iím not seeing the point of guns everywhere unless you live at the OK corral .

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    59
    Best is to not to sleep with guns or sleep in the other room tell him to lock his door if he's really that concern, but you better off moving out. Joke is always half truth, he's clearly paranoid because he's got misconceptions about anxiety meds. It'll go worst, better live in separate place.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,236
    Gender
    Female
    Is this the same guy from your thread 6 months ago? If so, it sounds like your bf enjoys being a bit of a jerk and using inappropriate humor, etc. (You were saying, for example, that he makes racist jokes but isnít a racist).

    Not to be rude - but are you really surprised that he is now directing that style of offensive humor to you? He sounds like heís kind of an offensive guy.

    Thatís not to excuse his behavior but itís maybe interesting that you are ok with it when he directs it at others but not at you?

    For what itís worth, I would much rather sleep next to you than your bf with the guns! I too fail to see why anyone needs a handgun. But... to each their own, I guess.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,366
    Gender
    Male
    Sadly, many a true word is spoken in jest and this is what he thinks. However you have major differences as far as social conventions go. Also why aren't his guns locked and why do you keep one in in your nightstand? Insults dressed up as jokes and brandishing guns are also signs of mental abuse, how long have you let this go on?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    62
    Posts
    4,747
    Gender
    Male
    Your boyfriend's joking, but he's probably referring to how school shooters and other mass murderers have been on anti-anxiety meds. And one of the warnings of any of any anti-anxiety med is suicidal thoughts. Even tranquilizers like Ambien create a semi-hypnotic state where people do all sorts of strange things, including sleepwalking and even driving.

    So I don't think he's calling you crazy. He just has a twisted sense of humor. Just make a joke back. Don't take it so seriously. Joking about it is a way to deal with the situation.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,202
    Not at all excusing his jokes or really his overall attitude toward your mental health and medication, but I can sympathize with his point of view. He was crass, but as a very, very half-hearted defense, I can understand struggling to figure out how best to tell your partner, "I think you might shoot me." I think the diagnosed and ongoing anxiety on its own would be a rough spot for me (as far as living with it, not necessarily your right to own a gun), and I'd be pretty nervous with new medication being introduced. I don't think his concern is all that irrational. Owning firearms myself, I'm honestly not sure how I'd handle that situation. Really, for your own personal safety, I might consider at the very least not keeping a loaded weapon within arms reach while you're in bed and while adjusting to the new medication. Is this something you've asked your counselor and psychiatrist about?

    Basically, I see it as two issues. First being his lack of support, even adversity toward your mental healthcare, both in his opinions and, more crudely, in his candor. I would seriously reconsider whether this man is a complementing presence in your life. The second being an understandable apprehension and safety concern, and one I think you're going to find a lot of guys would have, regardless of whether they're a jack ass about it like this guy has been. Still, it'd be his or any guy's job to remove himself from the situation if he so felt he wasn't secure, and not to be taking jabs at you for it.

  9. #8
    Member jchxd8's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    20
    Gender
    Female
    So to clarify I donít own guns or know how to use them. This is his gun and he likes one in each night stand table. Iím not sure why but he thinks itís important in case of an intruder. Itís his idea to put the gun there and he has been doing it since we started dating. He conceal and carries as well. It doesnít bother me really and he has tried to get me to go with him to go shooting and I have zero interest.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,160
    I'd be so far from this guy!

    He sounds paranoid and he's packing. Scary as hell.

  11. #10
    Member jchxd8's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    20
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by RedDress
    Is this the same guy from your thread 6 months ago? If so, it sounds like your bf enjoys being a bit of a jerk and using inappropriate humor, etc. (You were saying, for example, that he makes racist jokes but isnít a racist).

    Not to be rude - but are you really surprised that he is now directing that style of offensive humor to you? He sounds like heís kind of an offensive guy.

    Thatís not to excuse his behavior but itís maybe interesting that you are ok with it when he directs it at others but not at you?

    For what itís worth, I would much rather sleep next to you than your bf with the guns! I too fail to see why anyone needs a handgun. But... to each their own, I guess.
    See I wasnít okay with him making offensive jokes at others which is why I posted asking for advice. It bothered me. And now that his jokes are aimed toward me itís still bothering me.

    Iím leaning toward needing to end this now because just simply asking him not to make these comments isnít working and as you correctly identified he is now directing these comments toward me. And saying Iím just too sensitive when I object.

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •