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Young College Relationship


lol123

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Hello, I am currently 19 and have been in a relationship with a girl for 4 years. It is the summer before we both go to college (they are about 40 minutes away) and she has told me that she wants to take a break and see other people before we commit to each other long term. I understood this however she immediately was going on dates with another guy and I am a little suspicious if she has been loyal. The part that complicates things is that she tells me she loves me still and wants to commit to me long term after she has some experiences with other people. I'm confused with what to do at this point because I still love her but I feel jealous watching her date other people while she is still telling me she has feelings for me. Any advice is appreciated.

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Hello, I am currently 19 and have been in a relationship with a girl for 4 years. It is the summer before we both go to college (they are about 40 minutes away) and she has told me that she wants to take a break and see other people before we commit to each other long term. I understood this however she immediately was going on dates with another guy and I am a little suspicious if she has been loyal. The part that complicates things is that she tells me she loves me still and wants to commit to me long term after she has some experiences with other people. I'm confused with what to do at this point because I still love her but I feel jealous watching her date other people while she is still telling me she has feelings for me. Any advice is appreciated.

 

I think she was probably loyal. She was up front about her desire to date others. Chances are, she noticed her own roving eye and broke up with you out of respect for you and the relationship you shared together. I did the same thing when I was 17.

 

As for committing to you after she's sown her wild oats: that may or may not happen. I think she loves you and truly hopes that you can be together again in the future. But people change over time.

 

Seven or eight years later, I got back together with that guy I broke up with. We still truly loved one another. When we saw each other again, it was like no time had passed. But the relationship didn't last. Although we still really loved each other, we'd grown apart in some very important ways.

 

I know another couple who dated for years, then broke up and went their separate ways for a year or two. Then they got back together and got married. They are a pretty solid couple, too.

 

I recommend that you stop keeping track of her activities and whereabouts. Go no contact if you must, and block/delete her on every platform. Focus on yourself and your own life.

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She broke up to see other people. That doesn't necessarily man she was cheating. Thinking that will ultimately drive you crazy... so please stop doing that to yourself. Unfortunately breakups with your high school sweetheart are inevitable when you both start going to college.

 

To be realistic here... high school relationships rarely work out. You are always changing while developing as an adult. Your priorities of what you want in life begin to shift. everyone in their late teens/early twenties goes through this transition, so it's not just you. And with college, you are preparing for a career to financially support yourself. You will meet so many new people once you step foot on college.

 

I dated my husband since I was 19. We broke up for a year for the same reason because we were unsure about commitment... but ended up back together after being unsatisfied with new relationships. Our marriage is a whole lot stronger because of that move of meeting new people without holding each other back. If the relationship was meant to be, it will work its way back. And if not, you still have the opportunity to find a better person than the ex (all because you know what to look for in a partner). The best thing about college is that this is the time to explore and meet new people in various social environments. These opportunities will be limited once you graduate.

 

Chin up.

 

I'm confused with what to do at this point because I still love her but I feel jealous watching her date other people while she is still telling me she has feelings for me.

You're confused because you're choosing to remain in contact with her. You will not heal or be able to move forward if you don't cut your losses. Block her number, delete her from social media, ask mutual friends not to even talk about her to you.

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As the others have pointed out, your highschool relationship has run its course.

 

She is too young to commit to anyone forever; she's right that she needs to date around and explore. I wouldn't necessarily assume she cheated, but it's clear she did know she couldn't continue the relationship with you while she was interested in someone else.

 

It is time for you to begin your healing. College is likely to pull you further away from her anyway (and vice versa) as you both begin a huge new chapter of your lives.

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She was your first true love, and the reason that term exists is that everyone has one, and then people usually move on to have many dating experiences before eventually settling down. Actually, the human brain isn't fully formed until age 25, and when people decide to marry before that age, the divorce rate is 75 percent.

 

It usually takes dating many people to be able to decide wisely who will be a great lifetime partner. She's move on to dating others, and you won't be able to successfully do the same when you're keeping tabs on her, which keeps you emotionally attached to her. I'd tell her that for your own good, you will have to cut all communication with her. Don't keep hope that one day she will return. But do know that with social media, everyone is easily tracked down. If years later, she decides to contact you about possibly reuniting, you can then decide if you want to try again. If by that time, you have met a woman who is crazy about you and you feel the same, it'll be the exes loss. If you listen to the song "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks, it might make you see things from a new perspective at this difficult time. College is the best time to meet the most people of the opposite sex, so when you're finished mourning and begin to heal, enjoy that experience!

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