My ex-boyfriend wants to date other women while seeing me. What should I do?

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up during the summer of last year. We were together for 5 years and loved each other deeply but had many issues that we couldn't resolve. We met up again in January and have been seeing each other again since. However, he wants to see us resolve our issues and he wants to see me change before committing again. In the meantime, he still wants to have the option of dating other people. At first, I thought it would be a temporary thing since we just started seeing each other again. But now, 6 months later, he is still seeing others while wanting to see me and I can't handle it anymore. The thing is I love him and I'm so scared to lose him but I know that this is something that I can no longer tolerate. Please help. I need your guidance and advice as I feel so alone and hurt.

You cant 'lose' something you no longer like. Don't let your emotional attachment blind you to the actions you need to take. He is using you.

He's playing you for a fool...Tell him to take a hike.

You had issues you couldn't resolve as a couple in 5 long years. What's changed now?

Also, he wants you to change - how? What is it that needs changing?

Anyway, you are broken up, so you can't lose what you don't have. What you actually have right now is an FWB arrangement where he is using you while being busy looking for a replacement. Methinks you need to pick up your self esteem off the floor and drop him for good. There are better men out there - you know, someone who is more compatible and actually loves you as you are, not on condition that you change.

6 months!??! After 5 years! REALLY!?

Ok.

Deep breaths.

Read what you just wrote and answer yourself.

I know you know the answer.

I wouldn't say he's using you. The cards are on the table and in plain sight. You're free to call or fold.

I don't know the context of your breakup. After 5 years, I can imagine there may be circumstances one would like to see if things could be rekindled without whatever conditions which inspired the breakup, while not yet being willing to risk an investment of commitment.

Regardless, you want what he's openly stated he doesn't, whether he truthfully is evaluating a potential future commitment with you or not. Act on the reality of today, not your fantasies of tomorrow.

He knows you're so terrified of "losing" him that you'll put up with anything he dishes out.

And that means he doesn't and won't respect you.

Without respect there cannot be love.

What you're doing now is ensuring he never again views you as a person of value.

I advise you to end this arrangement.

He is waiting to stop seeing you until he meets a girl he wants to date seriously.

You are being played for a fool! He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He doesnt care enough about you to stick with you only, he wants other girls as well. Can you not see how screwed up this is? That's not love you feel, no way. Scared of what? Losing someone who doesnt give a rat's ass about you? Smarten up!

Whatever wasn't resolvable in 5 years isn't resolvable now. He's stringing you along. Cut him out of your life so you can move forward and eventually meet someone who wants an exclusive relationship. Don't jump through hoops. He's exploiting your heartache. Pull yourself together and walk away now.

he wants to see us resolve our issues and he wants to see me change before committing again. 6 months later, he is still seeing others while wanting to see me and I can't handle it anymore. The thing is I love him and I'm so scared to lose him but I know that this is something that I can no longer tolerate. Please help. I need your guidance and advice as I feel so alone and hurt.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up during the summer of last year. We were together for 5 years and loved each other deeply but had many issues that we couldn't resolve. We met up again in January and have been seeing each other again since. However, he wants to see us resolve our issues and he wants to see me change before committing again. In the meantime, he still wants to have the option of dating other people. At first, I thought it would be a temporary thing since we just started seeing each other again. But now, 6 months later, he is still seeing others while wanting to see me and I can't handle it anymore. The thing is I love him and I'm so scared to lose him but I know that this is something that I can no longer tolerate. Please help. I need your guidance and advice as I feel so alone and hurt.

Ugh... here's the deal OP. It doesn't matter what you do at this point, stay or go, you will feel alone and hurt. It's time to have some acceptance of your situation.

But don't take that to mean that this can't get better. It's your choice. You can stay in the relationship and feel alone and hurt indefinitely... or you can set boundaries and move on and know that eventually, the feelings will lift and get some relief in moving forward. Either way it will be a hard decision, it's up to you to decide what you are willing to live with.

Thanks for all your responses. I do feel like a fool :(

To answer your question about what he feels I need to change: he says he wants me to be more patient (aka wait for him to reply back to my texts. To be fair, I normally don't follow up until hours later when I don't hear from him), and he wants me to have a positive attitude (I'm usually negative after we fight or I feel hurt by something he did).

I feel that for the most part, I've made progress on the things he has asked for but I don't see him being closer to committing to me. Yesterday, I asked him after brunch to put his dating on pause and to be all in with me so we can have a fair chance. He said he would think about it because he does love me. But last night, my friend saw him at a restaurant on a date with another girl. So, I texted him and said it's completely over between us, that I love him but cannot tolerate this anymore.

Today, I feel extremely sad about the whole thing :(

Good for you. He'll just hurt you more the longer you put up with this nonsense. Soon you'll fine a guy who doesn't lie, cheat and try to train you like a dog. You can do much better. No delete and block him from all messaging and social media so you can clear your head and begin to move forward.

I texted him and said it's completely over between us

I blocked him but now I'm curious if he had anything to say. But I know it all doesn't matter since he had strung me along for 6 months. He had 6 months to stop dating others and focus on us. I'm embarrassed and hurt by how I allowed him to treat me this way. I really thought he loved me :(

I blocked him but now I'm curious if he had anything to say. But I know it all doesn't matter since he had strung me along for 6 months. He had 6 months to stop dating others and focus on us. I'm embarrassed and hurt by how I allowed him to treat me this way. I really thought he loved me :(

Look, you loved him and were hoping to reconcile. You did what you thought might work. That's OK. The important part is that you learned something here - you are worth more than that and he doesn't deserve you.

Glad you blocked him. Keep him blocked because you are right - it doesn't matter what sweet bs he might whisper in your ear, he isn't going to change and become the man you want him to be. Snakes don't turn into cute puppy dogs, OK? Once you accept that, moving on becomes easier.

I guess the only reason why I said "strung me along" was because he promised committing to me if I changed. And honestly, I know I changed the things he asked me to but still no commitment.

I guess the only reason why I said "strung" was because he promised committing to me if I changed. And honestly, I know I changed that things he asked me to but still no commitment.

....But what he asked of you was really kind of absurd. He asked you to be a happy doormat. I mean....if he does something bad, you shouldn't be upset...seriously?

I know realize that :( I'm feeling so depressed today because I do love him. I even ended things with the guy I was dating when we first met back up in January. I wish I never made the decision to see him again because this time around feels even harder.

I will! I am determined to stay strong. To be honest, I started getting really hurt, angry and sad over the whole situation and couldn't handle him dating other women while still "trying to work it out" with me (in his own words). The other night really just pushed me over the edge when my friend saw him out on a date with another girl when just earlier I was with him.

As for the other women knowing about me, I doubt that they do.

Just remind yourself when you are tempted to contact him "just to say 'hi'" or it's his birthday or you "miss" him or whatever, just remind yourself how you feel right now. He doesn't deserve a happy birthday or a "hi" from you.

Will do boltnrun. I love him but it isn't worth feeling this way ever again.

This guy wasn't taking reconciliation serioulsy, and now you know that.

Good for you for blocking him. He's dating others and searching for a girlfriend, and it would have hurt something fierce if you'd continued seeing him until the day came when he told you he can't see you anymore because he's seriously dating someone. It is better that he is out of your life completely.

You did the right thing, don't look back. You cut your losses before getting hurt more. Never continue with someone who needs to "change you" as if you're in his obedience school. It's abusive. So is toying with your heart about seeing others while he decides what he wants. You dodged a bullet.

I guess the only reason why I said "strung me along" was because he promised committing to me if I changed. And honestly, I know I changed the things he asked me to but still no commitment.

I wonder what these other girls think of him dating you,who is his ex, and them. I bet if they knew, they'd ditch him. Any self respecting female would. Just shows he's the issue here, not you. Hang in there. Disappearing on him is the best gift you can give yourself right now. Stick to it.

I agree with lots of replies and congrats on the OP for finally standing up.

Still, it's not a matter of self-respect. In this day and age of multiple partners and polyamorous relationships, it has nothing to do with self-respect if you are willing to date multiple people at the same time.

He was. The OP wasn't.

We need more honesty.

It's not about multi dating, it's about the fact he dates his ex. I've no issue with multi dating to find out whom you're more attracted to, but when those other options include still dating an ex, that's not respectful behavior.

I wasn't commenting on the situation.

I was speaking in general. Those other girls may know that he is dating his ex and don't care because they don't want a relationship. Doesn't mean they don't respect themselves.

The OP on the other hand does want a relationship so she has to end it.