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Thread: Partner won't work

  1. #1
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    Partner won't work

    Hi,

    I am a 37 year old single Mother of 3 children ages 17, 11 and 8. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years. I own a company and I also possess a MBA.

    My partner who ks 41 is always there for my children and ensures that they eat dinner, do chores, he takes them to the park ECT.

    The thing missing is his ability to want to work. He doesn't want to work on a job, but wants to work for my company. I do not want him to work for my company, because he doesn't follow direction from me when he worked for me previously.

    He doesn't contribute financially to the household; yet if I play music early in the morning he gets mad and slams doors. He doesn't ever have money and doesn't take me out to places for Mother's Day ECT.

    He always talks about being a successful music producer and he wants to go to this music school. He uses that as his reason why he isn't working. Also, he smokes weed everyday and not regular weed.

    I have reached my boiling point with him. Is he just a loser that is leaching off of me or should I stay and continue to see if he will change??

    Signed,

    Confused

  2. #2
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    It sounds like he is not the father of your children or married to you. So if he takes care of your children he is saving you a lot of $ in child care for the younger two. He doesn't lack the ability to want to work. He chooses not to work at a paying job. He does do work with your children. Why should he take you out for mother's day? You are not his mother and he is not that father of your children. What I would do is give him a month or two to find his own place, date him if you want and hire someone to care for your children while you are at work.

    I also would not let him around your kids unsupervised when he is stoned.

    Whether he is a "loser" or not it really doesn't matter- his values are not compatible with yours and you don't respect him. Maybe if he lives on his own you might want to go on dates with him when you have time but I would not have him in your life to the extent that you do now particularly since you have children.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Why are you putting up with this? Because he helps with the kids? I get that helping with kids is useful and probably saves you some money but the guy is definitely a loser in my books. What a load of crap he wants to go to a music school. Get off your butt, buddy, and do it! The weed habit around your kids is not ok. Especially for the 17 yr old. You are enabling him to be a lout and freeloader in your home. He needs to move out and get his own place and sort out his life. He's not a good influence for your kids.

  4. #4
    Gold Member CML342's Avatar
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    I am the same age as your partner and I have been in a rut lately concerning my career and usefulness to the world, so I can understand that aspect of your situation.

    However with that said, his attitude (slamming doors) is troubling. Not to mention how he only wants to work for YOU? For what... because he knows you'll go easy on him and therefore he doesn't have to put in too much work?

    Yikes. I'm glad he takes care of the kids but possible midlife crisis aside, he does not seem respectful or mature enough to participate in a mutually beneficial relationship. I don't want to tell you what to do but I do know that being unhappy in a relationship and staying only because you have a shred of hope that he might one day change, is not good for your or for your kids. Good luck with this.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by nicole2018
    Hi,

    I am a 37 year old single Mother of 3 children ages 17, 11 and 8. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years. I own a company and I also possess a MBA.

    My partner who ks 41 is always there for my children and ensures that they eat dinner, do chores, he takes them to the park ECT.

    The thing missing is his ability to want to work. He doesn't want to work on a job, but wants to work for my company. I do not want him to work for my company, because he doesn't follow direction from me when he worked for me previously.

    He doesn't contribute financially to the household; yet if I play music early in the morning he gets mad and slams doors. He doesn't ever have money and doesn't take me out to places for Mother's Day ECT.

    He always talks about being a successful music producer and he wants to go to this music school. He uses that as his reason why he isn't working. Also, he smokes weed everyday and not regular weed.

    I have reached my boiling point with him. Is he just a loser that is leaching off of me or should I stay and continue to see if he will change??

    Signed,

    Confused
    Hello confused. I wasted 20 years financially supporting an unambitious weed smoker. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but I'm sure he has some qualities that you like or you wouldn't still be with him. The good qualities that you mention about him, you speak of your children. But what does this man do for YOU? What is he offering YOU? How will there ever be any growth when he is not contributing? If something unexpected happened to you (illness, car accident) and you can't run your company, what would happen to you? Your kids? Your company? Everything you've acquired and worked for? If you lost everything tomorrow, would he even still be with you? Things to seriously think about.

    As a woman and a giving partner in a relationship, you have the right and deserve a man that will:

    1. Provide financially or help provide financially. The fact that he is comfortable NOT assisting you and pulling his own weight is extremely disturbing. He is not a real man. He is a boy in a man's body.

    2. A man that will help you with your children. ( You say he's great in that area.)

    3. A man that will be concerned about your overall wellbeing. Mentally, emotionally, financially (Again, real men are true providers and protectors)

    4. To have a man that knows how to treat his woman and makes her feel proud to be his woman (flowers, cards, dates night out and date nights at home, etc.) It would cost him a minimum of $20 To take you out to FRIDAY'S for mothers day--(but he doesn't work and that would take money away from his potent weed supply)


    The short answer is, leave this lazy, weed smoking moocher. You are not his mother. He hasn't taken the initiative to even go to music school while you are supporting him financially-- so that he can in turn support you and your children along with himself.

    You are teaching your children that it's ok for mom to work and support a man who sits at home and does the minimum. I hope your kids aren't subjected to the smell of the potent weed he buys as well as seeing him smoke it--- as they will believe that this is acceptable and cool as well because mom is ok with it. How much money is he spending to support his drug habit? How can this be acceptable to you? Kick him to the curb. You are a great mother. Let him go lay up on another woman and her kids. Whenever you drop him, that's exactly what he will do. He doesn't want to work a job? Well, I don't either. But I do so because I refuse to mooch off of other people, or steal. I pay my own way.

    Ps. The reason that I stayed as long as I did was because the sex was phenomenal and we had kids together. But atleast he did contribute financially as well as take care of the kids, even though the weed got more of his money than I did. And even that angers me now when I reflect on the effort, time, and money I wasted, none of which I can get back. Good luck to you.

  7. #6
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    Wow, thank you so much! You hit the nail on the head! I needed that! He smokes his weed in the bathroom in my Master Bedroom. I just see him for who is and it's disheartening and yes the sex is great! I gave him until August 1st to get out and offered to pay down on him an apartment. I just want good karma on my end

  8. #7
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    Thank you for your advice. He smokes weed when the kids are upstairs and goes into my Master's Suits Bedroom to smoke. No, I no longer respect him. I wonder how could a person be so sorry and lazy?

  9. #8
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    I don't know why I continue to put up with this. He caught me at a low time in my life in 2014. He is a freeloader.

  10. #9
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    Good point, when he did work for me he wanted easy cases to work on.

  11. #10
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    No, he is not the Father of my children. I feel that the least he can do is respect the fact that I am a Mother and do something special for me on Mother's Day. I mean, I am a Mother that had been supporting him. I don't get birthday gifts either...

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