Can't get over him

Hi! I'm new on here, and I really would like some advice..

So I've been in a really loving relationship for 1,5 years. It was really love at first sight and we've been together since the first day we met. But he has had a job for the past year that is really intense. He works from 8 am till 4 in the morning, 5/6 days a week. And it has really affected our relationship. We started fighting more and more because I did not get the attention I wanted anymore. When we were together he was only sleeping and tired and just talked about his work, which I started to hate. We got in this huge fight two months ago, where I was having doubts if I wanted to go further with our relationship because I was so unhappy. He told me that he wanted to fight for us, and that we should stay together because breaking up was not an option for him. But 12 hours later he decided to end it, because it was too much for him (and I completely understand that).

We did not end with a fight, but I bumped into him like two times since we broke up and he got so mad at me for talking to him like nothing was wrong (I just asked if he has had a nice birthday). And I have texted him twice, telling him that I hope he's doing okay and wishing him luck with everything he was doing and he responded really nice. I have not begged him to get back with me, and we have been in NC except for those two messages and him messaging me if he could pick up his stuff when I was not at home (which I found really weird and not nice because he just said: Hi, you're not home now right? Can I pick up my stuff?) I have reacted really cool and everything. He even liked some of my/my moms pictures on instagram/facebook all of a sudden. But I am a huge mess. It has been two months since our break up and I am still the same as I was in the beginning. I miss him so much but I don't know what to do. How can I accept this break up? How to get over someone when you're still so in love? And why is he not having any trouble with the break up? He does not even read my responses when I answered him over text when he asked me to pick up his stuff etc. It just hurts a lot and I'm really doing my best with a lot of activities and planning things but I just miss him all the time with whatever I'm doing. I really believe he is "the one" for me, we match really well and his work just ruined it all..

I would love some thoughts of others, who have been through the same.

For me personally, if i love the person i would be there for him supporting him. As long as he doesn't cheat and I think you are lucky. He said he does it for the both of you. I wish i found someone who i love and he loves me saying these things to me. I would be there for him through thick and thin. But i am not actually in the situation so it might be hard for you in reality to cope with. But for me ... i will do anything for him because of love xxx

With time, he will sort his stuff out and probably reach back to you.

He is hurting but trying to not show it.

It is going to take time for both of you. I wouldn't keep faith, but just realize it is possible.

You really don't match if you think about it. You said he was working or sleeping most of the time. And it led to fights. You felt neglected and unhappy. Rightfully so, because you deserve a felationship that makes you happy. This isn't it. It won't change. He'd need to alter his hours and it doesn't seem he'd be willing to do that. Or maybe he can't. There's nothing wrong with a man who is stable and works long hours. Time is about quality, not quantity. In hindsight if you had filled your time better by being independent of the need for him to fulfill you, you might have been able to work it out. You're filling you're time now, but were you doing it then?

 

He resisted the breakup at first, but then he turned it and broke up with you. Ego. Now he holds the power. Had this done to me too. It sucks, but dont forget you wanted out. It most likely hurts you more because you feel rejected by him now.

Two months is not a long time. You'll get there. Doubtful any changes have even been made, so don't be so hung up on this. It would end again if you got back together unless you learned to accept feeling neglected.

You are absolutely right, and I know it. I have indeed been giving up way too much in the relationship. Cancelling plans with friends to be with him in the spare moments he had time for me, and then he would be late because work would take longer than he thought etc etc. I am trying really hard to move on and work on myself, and I am doing better. I am not missing the relationship because it was not working, I am just missing him extremely. I am just having a really hard time, and I feel so crappy.

Thank you! I do have hope that he will get back to me, but I actually don't believe he will. Its just really hard to be at peace with the ending of the relationship because it feels so unfair.

Working such long hours seems crazy. I can't see how anyone could hold down a relationship with those hours - he would have to sleep when he's not working. Sounds like he must be self-emploed as its not legal to work those hours

Hi,

Just wanted to let you know I'm in a very similar situation where I ended my relationship about 2 months ago due to my exes busy schedule which changed our relationship and made me feel neglected and not a priority anymore.

He too seemed to be able to move on easier than me, and I know how much that hurts.

I've no real advice as I still struggle although it's starting to get easier and I'm adjusting to single life again.

I guess all I can say is that it just takes time, and to take everyday as it comes.

I've came to terms with the fact that I wasn't happy in the relationship which is why I ended it, I went through a long stretch of regret and self blame. But I've realised now that if we were still together I'd still be having doubts and even though I'd feel better than I do now I still wouldn't be truly happy. One day you'll meet someone else and have the relationship you wanted and will see this was for the best, this is what I just keep telling myself.

It's hard when you love the person and there's so much about them that suits what you want, but the circumstances of the relationship aren't what you want.

Hi,

 

Just wanted to let you know I'm in a very similar situation where I ended my relationship about 2 months ago due to my exes busy schedule which changed our relationship and made me feel neglected and not a priority anymore.

 

He too seemed to be able to move on easier than me, and I know how much that hurts.

 

I've no real advice as I still struggle although it's starting to get easier and I'm adjusting to single life again.

 

I guess all I can say is that it just takes time, and to take everyday as it comes.

 

I've came to terms with the fact that I wasn't happy in the relationship which is why I ended it, I went through a long stretch of regret and self blame. But I've realised now that if we were still together I'd still be having doubts and even though I'd feel better than I do now I still wouldn't be truly happy. One day you'll meet someone else and have the relationship you wanted and will see this was for the best, this is what I just keep telling myself.

 

It's hard when you love the person and there's so much about them that suits what you want, but the circumstances of the relationship aren't what you want.

Thank you. It is nice to know that someone understands. It is really hard to still love someone but can’t be with him due to otger circumstances. Some days are fine, but other days I am physically sick. I relate to you a lot. I have also been saying to myself that I’d still be unhappy right now if I were in a relationship with him. But in my case, there is an end in sight. In two/three months he is done with what his crazy schedule. So he broke up 5 months prior to the ending. I really hope that he’ll start to miss me once he has the time. I think that he, and maybe also your ex, haven’t really had the time to miss us. I’ve noticed I’m doing a lot better when I’ve got stuff to do (studying, friends, family) but the moments I am alone I truly, deeply miss him in the corenof my being. He hasn’t had time to do that. He is working, partying or sleeping. So hopefully it will change. But maybe it is too late by then.

I wish you the best of luck. If you need to talk with someone in a similar situation I’d be up for that!

Thank you.

That would be nice, feel free to send me a private message to chat.

I'm actually not sure how to..?

New users don't have enough posts to send pm.

Post here until you do. Has there been an update?

New users don't have enough posts to send pm.

 

Post here until you do. Has there been an update?

Hi! Thank you for responding.

Not really an update, but I texted him a few days ago (a little drunk) saying that I bumped into his brother and that I've been thinking about him and hoping he was doing well. I did not asked a question. He responded the next day, telling he was really busy but doing very well and he asked how I've been. I responded with a small update on my life, but did not ask a question and ended the text with wishing him luck with his busy schedule.

He did not respond, or even read that message. But the next day he texted me again. Asking me about my new job and he started talking about something that was going on at his work. So I responded, but kept my messages short, without any questions. I had tried to end the conversation like three times by saying "good luck with everything", but he kept on answering. Eventually he said "thank you" and that was it.

I was so upset by this conversation, I decided to delete his phone number, our conversation and delete him off my social media. He then stopped liking my pictures but he is still following me.

Have not seen or heard anything from him further.

Thanks for asking! Feels really good to tell my story.

At least you now know what contact does. There's no such thing as closure. There is acceptance when you let yourself feel it. That's what closure really is.

Stop tracking him at all. Who cares what he does so long as he doesn't contact you for a bit.