Gym obsessed sellfish husband

My husband and I have been married for 2 and a half years and we have are blessed to have wonderful little boy who is 18 months. Generally speaking life is good l and I feel very lucky. Both my husband and I work full time and life can be hectic- I find that there is little or no time left for us as a couple or for me to pursue any kind of interests outside of work and home life. My husband however make sure he gets to the gym at least 5 times a week which ends up about 2 hours out of the day. He tells me he needs the gym for his mood and general well being but I think he's become a little obsessive with it. I'm left with 90% of household chores and no time for myself.

We are currently away for a few days as a family, renting a cottage. We have an early start planned tomorrow and we are packing a picnic to take with us. My husband is still going to go to the gym in morning leaving me with all the organising and watching our little boy. When I asked him if he could give the gym a miss while we are on holiday he got really angry with me. The same thing happened this morning- before we left home he had to go the the gym and I was left to organise everything.

To add to the hurt, when our son went to sleep tonight I thought my husband and I might get to spend some quality time together without the strain of everyday routine and commitments. When I came back downstairs from putting our son to bed my husband was thoroughly engrossed in a football game and barely seemed to notice I was there. I told him i didn't want to watch football could we not just have a drink and a chat. And with one eye on the game he asked what do you want to talk about. I feel so taken for granted and undesired by my husband. I seem to be at the bottom of his list of priorities. He is a great father and our son adores him but I feel he doesn't have room for me in his life and hardly notices me. As he goes to the gym early in the morning he usually is falling asleep on sofa by 10pm meaning that our sex life is affected, more often than not he rejects me telling me he's too tired.

Whenever I try to talk to him he makes me feel like I'm being so unreasonable. I need an objective opinion if anyone has taken the time to read my very long post!

If you are both working, then no way should you be doing 90% of the household chores. Either you should split things more evenly or hire some help to come in and clean at least once a week or so. Do all the heavy cleaning so to speak.

The gym thing I unfortunately can relate all too much to your husband because I'm also one of those people who get extremely irritable, restless and unhappy/unhealthy without regular constant exercise. Not exercising is almost not an option. That said, it has never stopped me from pulling my weight in relationships or otherwise being fully present. He can get up earlier and be back in time to help you with everything else.

Basically, yes he seems to be very very comfortable, too comfortable and the result is that you are being taken for granted while he enjoys a great life. So, you aren't being unreasonable in wanting more from him and wanting him to be more present in his marriage. Maybe write it down what you do and what you need from him. Rather than making it about gym time, be more constructive. Like make a list of all the chores and either you both agree to split them more evenly or you agree to hire help to lift some of the burden. Maybe take a look at yourself as well - are you too much of a perfectionist, doing more than needed? What happens if you stop organizing so much? Just throwing some things out there.

As for sex, I mean....I don't even know what to tell you. If you go on vacation and he'd rather watch football..... You really will need to have a serious conversation about what is happening with your marriage regardless of what tantrums he tries to throw at you.

Whatever do you, stop doing any, I mean, don't do any of his laundry. None of his towels, Nothing. Give him chores upfront, food shopping, trash, cooking, dishes, and give him deadlines on when to do them. If he want comply, don't cook anything for him anymore, just you and kiddo. Don't mow the lawn. And if he uses a particular bathroom, have him clean it himself. And when he's ready to talk, he will listen.

If he complains, tell him you are overwhelmed, and he needs to make sacrifices to his own personal regimen, so you can have time for self-care as well. And that you are not his mom, and you both need to contribute equally to the household regardless who is working or makes more. And keep at it even if his clothes pile up to the ceiling. He will fold, or at least hire a maid.