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Am I putting myself at risk?


Wondering728

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Met man online recently and I’ve spoken to him every day for the last eight days. He is a Doctor who owns his own home and I have researched on the Internet. He appears to be legit. Since he lives almost 2 hours away he offered to come visit me for my our first date and make me dinner. He said if I prefer he can stay in the guest room.

My thought is to go out to dinner in my area and then see how I feel.

I live alone am I putting myself at risk?

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Yes, you are always putting yourself at risk by inviting a stranger into your home. There is no way I would agree to this. And having one dinner together isn't long enough to determine if someone will be safe behind closed doors.

 

He doesn't even need to know where you live at this point, OP. He can stay in a hotel. If he gets upset, then you have your red flag and should abandon the whole meeting. A mature, reasonable, respectful adult male will understand why a woman he's never met would not feel comfortable opening her home to him.

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He basically wants a hookup. It's insane to let someone off the internet stay overnight in your home. If the distance is an issue, meet halfway. Next time date locally and don't get overly involved because of profession/assets/money..Use common sense.

He is a Doctor who owns his own home and I have researched on the Internet. He said if I prefer he can stay in the guest room.
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He wants to hook up. No self-respecting person with options is making a 4-hour round trip for a first date dinner. If you're truly bent on going on a date with him, suggest you both meet half-way, dinner only. My guess is he'll decline.

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I'm confused

 

Dr who owns his own home.

 

Ok...and?

 

That says very little about his character. Police brutality is a real hot button in America right there. There was a big story a while back about a couple in the Air Force, highest honors, killed the boyfriends mistress in cold blood.

 

I'm not saying he's a bad guy or a murderer, I'm just saying a persons job doesn't make or break their character.

 

If you insist on moving forward he can get a hotel room. Or like others have suggested meet halfway. I would not invite him into your home.

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When I did OLD, I restricted my dating experiences to my local area. You get to know a person at a normal pace. It's less expensive. Long distance dating forces you to spend longer time periods together which often spells the end, since briefer times together are the norm in the beginning. Also, if it actually worked out, one of you would have to uproot your life and move to a new city, leaving behind friends, family and a job. And here's a red flag--doctors are very busy people. Why would he choose dating long distance when his leisure time is very limited?

 

Make it clear in your profile that you only date locally and if guys who live longer than an hour away from you, politely tell him that you don't date long distance and block them if they don't take no for an answer.

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+1 for “oh, heck no!”

 

Any guy worth his salt will understand and respect basic safety measures.

 

Don’t let him know where you live (general area is ok - but certainly not a street name)

Meet in public

Arrange your own transportation to and from the date

Let someone know where you’ll be and who you’ll be with (a trusted friend, a family member, etc)

 

If all goes well there will be plenty of time for home cooked dinners and sleepovers. But certainly not when you haven’t even met the guy in person.

 

If he bristles at driving 2 hours for a date when he’s not sleeping over, I agree that either he can get a hotel or you can meet him halfway.

 

To be honest, I wouldn’t even trust a guy who suggested coming over for a first meet. Read the responses from the quality men above. They also expect to meet in public...

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That's nuts. At best this is a booty call, at worst it could be dangerous. You do not know this person and you are considering being alone with him in your home?

 

You should find someone local that you can get to know, slowly.

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Met man online recently and I’ve spoken to him every day for the last eight days. He is a Doctor who owns his own home and I have researched on the Internet. He appears to be legit. Since he lives almost 2 hours away he offered to come visit me for my our first date and make me dinner. He said if I prefer he can stay in the guest room.

My thought is to go out to dinner in my area and then see how I feel.

I live alone am I putting myself at risk?

 

OMG! Do NOT under any circumstances invite this STRANGER into your home! He should not even have your address. You dont know him! He could be married, living with someone, he may not be a doctor. You know NOTHING about him. Dont be so foolish. If you want to meet him, meet him at a restaurant. Do NOT get in a car with him.

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OMG! Do NOT under any circumstances invite this STRANGER into your home! He should not even have your address. You dont know him! He could be married, living with someone, he may not be a doctor. You know NOTHING about him. Dont be so foolish. If you want to meet him, meet him at a restaurant. Do NOT get in a car with him.

 

I totally agree with melancholy. Please, please, PLEASE, P-L-E-A-S-E do not let him into your home. That's asking for trouble no matter how you look at it. We don't want you to possibly get hurt. Remember that he is a stranger. I know deep within your heart you know the risks. Come on, don't do this. Better safe than sorry, OK???

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+1 for “oh, heck no!”

 

Any guy worth his salt will understand and respect basic safety measures.

 

Don’t let him know where you live (general area is ok - but certainly not a street name)

Meet in public

Arrange your own transportation to and from the date

Let someone know where you’ll be and who you’ll be with (a trusted friend, a family member, etc)

 

If all goes well there will be plenty of time for home cooked dinners and sleepovers. But certainly not when you haven’t even met the guy in person.

 

If he bristles at driving 2 hours for a date when he’s not sleeping over, I agree that either he can get a hotel or you can meet him halfway.

 

To be honest, I wouldn’t even trust a guy who suggested coming over for a first meet. Read the responses from the quality men above. They also expect to meet in public...

 

THIS. HE suggested you host him. HE suggested that he would stay in the guest room, if you like -- THAT is manipulation, plain and simple. By stating it that way, he is intentionally implying and not being upfront about his intention to sleep in your bed. With you.

 

TBH I share this experience. It WAS a booty call; he had a gf elsewhere in the same city which is probably why he was traveling in the first place. We ended up interacting more slowly, over time, on his repeat visits to see his (now I know) gf, always as part of an activity like a running group or a gym class. He ended up moving away and is now in a healthy for LTR. He wasn't an axe murderer or anything. But he WAS looking for a sidepiece at that time.

 

Turn down this man's idea. Tell him if he is in town, you will gladly show him a local museum or brunch spot. Otherwise, NEXT.

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To buck against a common piece of the well intended advice here, don't suggest dinner in your town instead. IF you're going to do it at all, meet half-way and in public. That sends a much clearer signal of "ain't happening." I can near guarantee that if you were considering him staying to begin with, not having yet met him, then you'd buckle were he to suggest or insist on it once he's there, if not for whatever attraction you might feel, then likely out of guilt for having had him drive out two hours to meet you only to immediately have a two hour trip back in the middle of the night.

 

Being completely honest with yourself, OP, would you make a 4-hour round trip just to meet a stranger for dinner? Honestly, I'd avoid dating anyone who's that far away, particularly if you're expecting them to come to you and for them not to be looking for something "extra."

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2 hours away?

Tell him you'll meet him half way for a cup of coffee and see if his interest level changes.

 

And I agree with the others. If you were to agree to these terms at the very least the message you give this man is that you might be permissive and not very careful. I don't know if that's the message you'd want to send, but I know I sure wouldn't.

 

Let him know by your response that you are a woman of character and strength. Let him you'll meet him your terms.

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Met man online recently and I’ve spoken to him every day for the last eight days. He is a Doctor who owns his own home and I have researched on the Internet. He appears to be legit. Since he lives almost 2 hours away he offered to come visit me for my our first date and make me dinner.

 

First off, I agree with everyone else's comments.

 

Secondly, I am curious about something so hope you answer this because it could be relevant.

 

You said you met on line, and the distance between you is two hours?

 

So who made first contact, him or you? If you did, why would you contact a man who lives two hours away, and not a local man whom, assuming you clicked, you could regularly spend time with?

 

If HE made first contact, then one has to wonder why he would contact a woman who lives such a distance away and not a local woman.

 

If he did, to me, that alone is a red flag. Nevermind him inviting himself over to yours on your first meet! Which any man with even half a brain cell would realize is inappropriate for a first meet.

 

JMO, but men who reach out to women on-line knowing they live HOURS away either have commitment issues and the distance guarantees sporadic and intermittent time together OR they have something to hide like a wife or girlfriend.

 

If he were a legit guy ultimately seeking a committed RL, one in which you spend regular time together, getting to know each other and building intimacy, he would NOT be choosing women who lives HOURS away. He would seek out local women, since he has that choice.

 

Again, JMO on that.

 

I on-line dated a few months back, and had men contacting me who lived hours away, some lived in a different state, some even a different country!

 

Since I was ultimately seeking a relationship with a man I could spend regular time with and build intimacy, I immediately dismissed those guys, and seriously wondered why they had bothered contacting me in the first place.

 

Unless of course they were hiding something, or had commitment issues. No thank you!

 

Proceed with caution!

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First off, I agree with everyone else's comments.

 

Secondly, I am curious about something so hope you answer this because it could be relevant.

 

You said you met on line, and the distance between you is two hours?

 

So who made first contact, him or you? If you did, why would you contact a man who lives two hours away, and not a local man whom, assuming you clicked, you could regularly spend time with?

 

If HE made first contact, then one has to wonder why he would contact a woman who lives such a distance away and not a local woman.

 

If he did, to me, that alone is a red flag. Nevermind him inviting himself over to yours on your first meet! Which any man with even half a brain cell would realize is inappropriate for a first meet.

 

JMO, but men who reach out to women on-line knowing they live HOURS away either have commitment issues and the distance guarantees sporadic and intermittent time together OR they have something to hide like a wife or girlfriend.

 

If he were a legit guy ultimately seeking a committed RL, one in which you spend regular time together, getting to know each other and building intimacy, he would NOT be reaching out to a woman who lives HOURS away.

 

He would seek out local women.

 

Again, JMO on that.

 

Proceed with caution!

 

Agree 100%.

 

When I met someone who lived out of town, his explanation was that he was planning to move and choosing where to relocate. That was true; he eventually moved somewhere else entirely.

 

I never trusted him, though. I had no fixed points, nothing incontrovertible. No opportunity to see him in his natural habitat. Even if he were telling the truth and serious about me, it was a pointless exercise because I never was comfortable enough to get serious about him.

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Agree 100%.

 

When I met someone who lived out of town, his explanation was that he was planning to move and choosing where to relocate. That was true; he eventually moved somewhere else entirely.

 

I never trusted him, though. I had no fixed points, nothing incontrovertible. No opportunity to see him in his natural habitat. Even if he were telling the truth and serious about me, it was a pointless exercise because I never was comfortable enough to get serious about him.

 

Lost count of how many men from on line dating reached out to be stating they would be in town visiting for a short time and wanted to buy me dinner.

Maybe. .but. . no thanks.

One in particular comes to mind. Fast fwd several years later he likely didn't recall me and had the same pick up line.

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Agree 100%.

 

When I met someone who lived out of town, his explanation was that he was planning to move and choosing where to relocate. That was true; he eventually moved somewhere else entirely.

 

I never trusted him, though. I had no fixed points, nothing incontrovertible. No opportunity to see him in his natural habitat. Even if he were telling the truth and serious about me, it was a pointless exercise because I never was comfortable enough to get serious about him.

 

IAmFCA, how did you meet him? On an on-line dating site? Or while you were out and about one day, or some other way?

 

I know a few couples who initially met on forums such as this, wherein they got to know each other slowly and gradually through reading each other's posts and developed an interest.

 

One made contact with the other, and it took off from there. One of those couples is now living together (she moved to Florida where he's from) and another couple is now married (she moved to California from Eastern Europe to be with him.)

 

I can sort of understand that as their attraction grew from an on-line friendship, but when someone intentionally contacts another on a dating website, knowing full well they live hours away, that to me is suspect, and yeah I don't trust it either.

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Met man online recently and I’ve spoken to him every day for the last eight days. He is a Doctor who owns his own home and I have researched on the Internet. He appears to be legit. Since he lives almost 2 hours away he offered to come visit me for my our first date and make me dinner. He said if I prefer he can stay in the guest room.

My thought is to go out to dinner in my area and then see how I feel.

I live alone am I putting myself at risk?

 

Good plan!!

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