Am I being hypocritical? I need relationship/sex help asap

Ok, so to make a long story increasingly short.. my boyfriend and I started our relationship long distance, I was young at the time (just turned 18, and I'm 21 now) and it was my first relationship, he was a regular porn watcher and he masturbatetd religiously and I was intimidated by that at the time, so I asked him if he would stop and he obliged. Fast forward a few months and he really struggled to keep it up during sex and came clean about still watching porn.. BUT, since then, he says he's been off it. I have had suspicions about him still doing it but never confronted him (he brings his spare phone into the bathroom and spends an hour in there...), but the issue is that lately he NEVER wants to have sex, we're 6 months into this year and we've only had sex around 5 times, he knows I want it more but he says he's too tired etc and he just yells at me for pressuring him or making him feel guilted into it. I don't want sex off my boyfriend because he feels guilted into it, but my drive has been building and building. When we have sex he never waits for me to orgasm and it's usually very short. So, over the last few days, I've been watching porn myself (not masturbating) and impulsively bought a rampant rabbit vibrator... but now I feel guilty because my boyfriend doesn't know about it. If I use it on my own would it be hypocritical/unfair of me? It sounds childish but I'm just really horny lately and I need to release it but can't do it with just my hands. I need help, do I tell him? Keep it a secret? I'm afraid of how he'll react.

You need to break up with him. You need to experience other boys and good sex. Everyone masturbating and watching porn instead of sex is kind of stupid, don't you think? If he can't be bothered having sex or pleasing you he sounds like a jerk.

I was afraid of that answer tbh. It seems pretty logical.. but I love him which is why I'm seeking other options (if there is any). I work less hours than him so it's understandable that he's tired, but it seems he's never up for it at all and it's getting me frustrated and making me feel like it's a problem with me and that maybe he's not attracted anymore? All sorts of things are racing through my head.

Love? It's unclear why you tolerate such shabby frustrating treatment by him. Certainly you can do better a than a jerk who yells at you, shuts you out emotionally and physically and makes you believe intimacy is a do-it-yourself situation.

He's really messing with your mind and the longer you stay the more messed up you'll be. It's also unclear why you haven't considered if he drinks, does drugs or cheats as the reasons he shuts you out and yells at you for wanting any sex and gives you really bad sex at best.

he's never up for it at all and it's getting me frustrated and making me feel like it's a problem with me and that maybe he's not attracted anymore?

Your relationship is not healthy, OP.

Watching porn and self-pleasuring is one thing, and usually not a problem in and of itself. The problem arises when it's replacing actual sex with your partner, which seems to be what's happening here with him. It sounds as though he prefers porn and masurbation to sex with you. That doesn't mean you are doing something wrong, to be very clear. Rather, he has gotten so used to porn that he cannot really find pleasure in the real act with you.

My guess is that the lack of sex is not the only problem in the relationship, though. Would that be correct?

Technically, to answer your question, yes you are being hypocritical. I don't blame you though for resorting to porn/masturbation. Perhaps you can tell your bf your change in perspective and let him know your feelings about the whole situation before you jump the gun in breaking up.

It is unfair to restrict a person's right to their autonomy when it doesn't hurt anyone, but if it is hurting the relationship then this is when it needs to be addressed. Ask him how both of you can improve your sex life and share if there are any needs that need to be discussed. I wouldn't be confrontational, moreso go into the conversation with an open mind and be willing to come to an understanding on both sides.

This is a sensitive topic, so the conversation about it needs to be welcoming in order to communicate properly. I do wonder if there is any bitterness from your asking of no porn/masturbation, another aspect of the relationship, or he has a low sex drive.

Fact is we have no idea whether he'd otherwise be having sex with you if not for the porn. Kinda like assuming someone would've voted for Hillary if not for Bernie.

It is unfair to restrict a person's right to their autonomy when it doesn't hurt anyone

^ This is as good a reason as any for someone to be turned off toward sex with someone-- though, again, I can't claim to know what came first between the chicken and the egg. Or whether the insecurity you've had that drove such a request hasn't manifested itself into other aspects of your relationship, incidentally turning him off. Or, depending how hard you've pushed for sex or guilted him for not wanting it, whether he doesn't feel sexually comfortable with you anymore. Or whether he truly is porn-addicted.

Fact is you're at an impasse with your sexual incompatibility, regardless of the root. I'd ask yourself whether you can handle the current dynamic lasting indefinitely. If not, you may have to make a difficult decision for yourself.

In my opinion you don't typically have the right to complain about your SO' s masturbation habits.

The exception to that is when it is adversely affecting your relationship.

First of all, he is just a selfish person in bed. Him watching porn doesn't stop you two from having sex.

He would just rather use that sexual energy to masturbate than to have sex with you.

It also sounds like you have mismatched libidos too.

If he doesn't want to have sec with you there isn't much to be done.

When you two do have sex, how long does he last? That could be a problem. Do you ever receive oral? does he?