Are there any good trustworthy marriages or is it all a delusion?

I have not been married for too long...my partner treats me well but I suspect he flirts with other females and can tell when he is attracted to other females. I know I know...it's human nature to look.

But I see how his friends talk and they all act so "thirsty" now have they actually cheated on their wives? I don't know.

I feel like too many women turn and look the other way even if they know the husband is doing something wrong...why is that? I feel like I cannot live a life of lies. I need an authentic, genuine, honest relationship...is that even possible?

Are marriages even real? So many lies and cheating I see going on and I cannot help but perceive it negatively.

What a great question. I believe they exist. I have seen very few cases but they exist. I have wasted many years trying to achieve this with my wife but I have given up. You can not do it by yourself, 2 fully committed persons are required.

Are marriages even real?

Did you marry the same guy you've distrusted for however many years?

You seem to have a fairly negative attitude. Did you feel this way about him and marriage when you got engaged or when you married him? No one vows to control their thoughts about others or to stop finding other people attractive. We vow not to act on those thoughts by having sex outside the marriage (and for my marriage I would add that we wouldn't go on dates with members of the opposite sex or heavily flirt, etc. Which women do you know who look the other way? Two of my female friends cheated on their husbands -so, do men also "look the other way"?

Of course you can help but perceive it negatively -it's your choice. I had this very conversation with my 9 year old this morning who decided in advance he'd have no fun on his field trip today because he's been there before. It's your choice, your life. If your husband is cheating on you that is negative. If he is behaving inappropriately based on what you two undertand to be appropriate boundaries, that is negative. But I suspect you're looking for trouble. Why? Are you attracted to other men and want permission to act on it since you assume he is?

I've been with my husband a total of 18 years. Married for 9. Neither of us has ever cheated on the other person. One time, about 22 years ago, I made a really tactless remark about a guy who was a wedding guest that other women were drooling over. I still remember how awful it was that I said that. We got over it within a few minutes but I still feel badly. And, before we were married and I was in my first trimester we were at a wedding and when I was in the restroom for quite awhile (i.e. first trimester, nothing was working right) - when I came out he was dancing with another woman - because it was a room full of swing dancers and apparently you're supposed to dance with whoever asks. He didn't know what to do because she was insistent and he told her he had a girlfriend who would be back soon, etc. Did I believe and trust him? 1000%. Because I do - because we're committed and we love each other and trust each other. Without trust, what's the point?? (And yes I had fun giving her the evil eye and I think she tripped at some point, so, karma).

It's about trust and it's about believing in each other. Marriage is not just a piece of paper at all -it symbolizes your commitment as you two understand it. And you need to commit to trusting him -he's not guilty till proven innocent. Can you commit to that? Generalizing about "marriage' is just giving yourself an excuse to wallow in negativity IMHO.

My husband and I trust each other and have a good marriage. So what if he looks at women? I look at guys. Doesnt mean either of us are going to do anything about it. If you are that insecure then good luck to you.

Yes. Been with my husband almost 30 years. We totally trust each other.

I've been with my wife for 13 years, married 7(in a couple of weeks).

It is really depressing all the friends we have that are unhappily married or getting divorced.

Even some of the ones who seem happy now, I know of infidelity in there past that the SO isn't aware of.

I really don't know of but two other couples that I would gauge as being very happy together, and I know of a lot of couples.

But my wife and I are extremely happy together. We have two kids, we are both heavily involved parents and we work together on most everything.

She really is my best friend and other half.

We have dated since 16 yo. I have never even remotely cheated on my wife, and I have no doubt that she has not either.

I have even had to literally run away from some females on occasion because they wouldn't take "no". I am loyal nearly to a fault.

I cannot fathom ever cheating on my wife, we have sex nearly every day and it is always great. We are so close I don't even understand how some people have affairs.

It doesn't even compute.

But I think great marriages do exist, they are just not common. I also think I have one.

My wife and I put forth a lot of effort to ensure it stays that way too.

Of course they exist and plenty. I don't even agree that it's all that rare. Within my group of friends and even friends of friends and so on, nobody is a cheater. Then again, I do firmly believe that we choose our friends according to our own values and belief systems and so we all live in our own little self created bubbles. My reality is that most people are overwhelmingly loyal even if they aren't happy with their relationship, they'll work on it or end it, but they won't cheat. If you find that your reality is completely opposite, then maybe it's time to take a good look at your life choices and figure out why people who don't share your values factor so heavily in your life. You are always in the center of your vortex so to speak.

Of course they exist and plenty. I don't even agree that it's all that rare. Within my group of friends and even friends of friends and so on, nobody is a cheater. Then again, I do firmly believe that we choose our friends according to our own values and belief systems and so we all live in our own little self created bubbles. My reality is that most people are overwhelmingly loyal even if they aren't happy with their relationship, they'll work on it or end it, but they won't cheat. If you find that your reality is completely opposite, then maybe it's time to take a good look at your life choices and figure out why people who don't share your values factor so heavily in your life. You are always in the center of your vortex so to speak.

This is great.

Be aware that people control how you see them to some degree. The underlying truth is often elusive. Marriages are real but vows often aer not. I for one believe you should be committed in the heart but it's possible to be sexually attracted to others.

What's needed is honestly and communication. I think that's what you are looking for. You should have known this about him and he's done nothing wrong, but either you can accept it or you can't.

I was just reading your past threads— is this the same gentleman who you said you don’t trust his female friend, and that he’s done shady things in the past to not be able to trust him? Why did you marry him?

I think that there are a lot of very solid, good marriages out there.... and there are a lot of people who might have a good marriage overall with a partner who strays from time to time..... and then there are just some awful marriages, with or without cheating. Everyone's situation is different and you never know what goes on behind closed doors. I think you should work on the trust situation with your husband. Besides looking, do you have a good reason to suspect he is cheating?