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Thread: Will space help this situation?

  1. #1

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    Will space help this situation?

    Iíve been seeing a guy for about two months. We have had awesome times and dates together, and this guy fell hard for me. He said he was crazy about me and we talked every single fay for those two months. We were never officially dating, but he told me he saw me as a girlfriend and envisioned a possible future with me. For the last 3 days, he became distant and shows absolutely 0 affection over text. I hung grabbed lunch with him yesterday, and things were a little stiff because I knew he was being distant.

    He told me today that he feels conflicted with his career. I knew this was a sore subject for him because heís not happy with the career he currently has. He always wanted more. But out of the blue, he says he wants to put the brakes on what we have so he can sort out what hes doing with his life. This was totally left field for me because now he is talking about maybe having to move away for his career and he doesnt know about long distance and whatnot. He said he doesnt want to hurt me if we started dating seriously and then he has to move away. He sounds really monotone talking about this, and he says he thinks Iím one of a kind, but he doesnt want to jump into anything serious until he knows whats going on.

    Like I said, this was TOTALLY left field for me. I tried for 2 days to talk to him and let him know I would support him no matter what. Long distance never bothered me, but he sounds beyond unsure about it. Its insane to me because just a few days ago, he was telling me how crazy he was about me and how he could not wait to grow together.

    I know men handle stress differently, and they retreat into a ďcaveĒ about it. I tried for two days, but I finally texted him and told him that although I want us to work out, Iím going to back off and let him sort himself out. I will be there for him if he needs support. Is this a type of situation that space would help? I canít tell if he is in a funk or something. Thanks so much for hearing me out, guys.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Definitely put the brakes on your feelings, splash some cold water on the situation, and listen to what he's saying. A lot of guys move really quick and then back away when they feel like too much is expected out of them. That's not to say you created the expectation or did anything wrong. Likely, he drove the intensity and intimacy of the relationship. Reality caught up to him and he realized he may actually have to show up for all the commitment and promises he made, so he's backing off.

    My suggestion would be to just let him go. Don't try to convince him to change his mind, and be weary if he comes back around. He's obviously not a very genuine person since his words and actions are not matching up. It really stinks when someone lays it on thick and we start fantasizing about the future we could have, but unless consistent action is taken to make the talked about future a reality, it's just words.

  3. #3
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    I don't think he knows how to handle his feelings. You opened something up inside of him and now he's trying to bottle it up again. I think you have to act like it's no big deal. Let him think about what he just did. He might realize he made a big mistake and come crawling back to you. If he doesn't, then he's too immature for a relationship.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by ptoprani
    Iíve been seeing a guy for about two months. We have had awesome times and dates together, and this guy fell hard for me. He said he was crazy about me and we talked every single fay for those two months. We were never officially dating, but he told me he saw me as a girlfriend and envisioned a possible future with me. For the last 3 days, he became distant and shows absolutely 0 affection over text. I hung grabbed lunch with him yesterday, and things were a little stiff because I knew he was being distant.

    He told me today that he feels conflicted with his career. I knew this was a sore subject for him because heís not happy with the career he currently has. He always wanted more. But out of the blue, he says he wants to put the brakes on what we have so he can sort out what hes doing with his life. This was totally left field for me because now he is talking about maybe having to move away for his career and he doesnt know about long distance and whatnot. He said he doesnt want to hurt me if we started dating seriously and then he has to move away. He sounds really monotone talking about this, and he says he thinks Iím one of a kind, but he doesnt want to jump into anything serious until he knows whats going on.

    Like I said, this was TOTALLY left field for me. I tried for 2 days to talk to him and let him know I would support him no matter what. Long distance never bothered me, but he sounds beyond unsure about it. Its insane to me because just a few days ago, he was telling me how crazy he was about me and how he could not wait to grow together.

    I know men handle stress differently, and they retreat into a ďcaveĒ about it. I tried for two days, but I finally texted him and told him that although I want us to work out, Iím going to back off and let him sort himself out. I will be there for him if he needs support. Is this a type of situation that space would help? I canít tell if he is in a funk or something. Thanks so much for hearing me out, guys.
    Big red flag to tell you he isn't interested. If he liked you that much, nothing and I mean nothing would stop him from being w/you. Men don't retreat into caves, they just decide for whatever reason they don't want to date you anymore. I've been in this sort of situation countless times and it has never ended well. He is very sure of what he wants and that isn't you (sadly). This sucks to be rejected, but the best thing you can do is leave him alone and find someone who wants you. We are constantly changing in life, but we don't put everything on hold, esp the person you really care about. Don't be there to support him because he will just use you for emotional support until he finds someone else. No one is crazy about someone one day and another day unsure, he isn't unsure, he knows what he wants. It took me a couple situations like these to realize: if someone wants to be w/you, they will be. Good luck and you will find someone who wants to be w/you.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You've known him 60 days. Let him go. Don't make excuses for his behavior, hoping that if you stick around with your caring nature, that he will suddenly come to his senses that he wants you all to himself. It's probably his pattern to get what he wants without putting daily effort in, and when the time comes that he's probably expected to move to the next level, he bails.

    NOBODY is worth waiting around for. If a person isn't ready in the present to be in a relationship the way you want it to be, you're doing yourself great harm by sticking around for someone who is clearly not into you. Have some self worth. YOU make the decision that you're done and will hold out for someone who treasures you. Waiting in the wings, jumping up and down and shouting, "Pick me!" is for people who have zero self esteem. You're worthy of someone who is crazy about you, so be single for when that special someone shows up.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    You've known him 60 days. Let him go. Don't make excuses for his behavior, hoping that if you stick around with your caring nature, that he will suddenly come to his senses that he wants you all to himself. It's probably his pattern to get what he wants without putting daily effort in, and when the time comes that he's probably expected to move to the next level, he bails.

    NOBODY is worth waiting around for. If a person isn't ready in the present to be in a relationship the way you want it to be, you're doing yourself great harm by sticking around for someone who is clearly not into you. Have some self worth. YOU make the decision that you're done and will hold out for someone who treasures you. Waiting in the wings, jumping up and down and shouting, "Pick me!" is for people who have zero self esteem. You're worthy of someone who is crazy about you, so be single for when that special someone shows up.
    That's right, no one is worth waiting around for. In the end this will just cause you a whole lot of hurt. Whenever a guy did that to me, I was hurt, but when I waited around hoping for something, he would end up hurting me more. Now I never trust guys who do this and walk away as soon as they mention they are "unsure". The people leave it open so they don't have to deal w/your fallout and in the end they know you will just drift apart. If he ever comes back, slam the door in his face.

  8. 06-28-2018, 04:29 AM


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