Inside The Mind Of Guys Who Are Shy And Inexperienced With Women

Dear shy guys,

I would like to ask for advice please. How can i bring you out of your shell? If you think i am very attractive and sexy, so amazing and lovely. If you are scared of your feelings for me and think that I am too good for you. Is there any chance at all I can get you out of your shell? or it's a waste of time and that i should just give up and leave you alone? It has been 5 months and It's hard.

Many thanks,

Lilly

I am not even remotely a shy guy but 5 months is a long time to be pursuing a guy who says he thinks those things but makes no attempt whatsoever.

If you are just continuing to do what your have been doing the chances that his response being different is slim.

I would also be leery of entering a relationship with a guy who can even reciprocate basic things like that from someone who is obviously interested.

If it is this difficult to start a relationship with them how much worse will it be to maintain it?

Why have you never seen his home in 5 mos? Is this long distance? Why did you talk for months before meeting? It sounds like he's in a relationship and wants to step out but that's what he's nervous about. How old is he?

06-04-2018: we kinda talked about kissing for 3 months before we met. he lived in a secured development and was in my car when he came over to greet me and that's why i felt safe to visit his place.

I know. He is different though. To be honest i have loads of guys from dating website asking me out everyday but i just can't make myself interested in anyone apart from this guy. I don't know what he has done to me. Well to be honest again he gives oral and very good at it. I am a shy person myself and never really met a guy who is so caring and care so much and wanting to make sure he makes me happy sexually without demanding me giving him oral as well because it wouldn't be something i would normally do. I can try and do that if i feel certain about him but so far he has been doing a lot of hiding exactly what explained in the shy guy behaviour on "Inside The Mind Of Guys Who Are Shy And Inexperienced With Women" article. The thing is, we have been intimate a few times in the past 5 months and he wants to meet me again but i told him i don't want to if we can't have a loving relationship as all he does just only see me and we are then intimate sexually as we are very attracted to each other sexually ( I have never been like this in my life ). Normally i am just not interested in this kind of thing at all... but rather scared when being intimate with my ex every single time and never really like it to the point that some of the times i wanted to run away with my previous relationship or get really upset with the uncaring and selfish act of my ex in the past. With this person, Although he is very caring and try to please me rather than demanding me to please him but this type of relationship is not what i want . He behaves like he loves every part of my body and every inches of me. kissing and you know oral thing all over. He is just very sweet and cute. i am so in love with him now. Sex makes woman fall in love unfortunately.

He is that extremely geeky scientist , very intelligent ... He is about early thirties. We are only nearly an hour away from each other ... not that far. That is why it's killing me. He would send me messages if i disappear .. just to make sure i am ok. His friend confirm 100% geeky he is and also giving me an insight about her thoughts that he is scared of his feelings for me and that he feels he is not good enough for me. I am surprised because that's also mentioned in the attribute of shy guy and inexperienced.

Unfortunately he's not "shy" at all if he's giving you oral and having sex every time you meet. What you are trying to describe is a guy you meet for sex who's good in bed but doesn't want more than that. He's only interested in hook ups and you know that.

Stop telling yourself he's shy and start seeing things for what they are. It's fine to have a purely sexual relationship. Just don't kid yourself that "he's shy" and it will turn into more if you coax him "out of his shell". It sounds like you don't want to admit you are hooking up so you tell yourself you're in love and he's just shy.

he gives oral and very good at it. all he does just only see me and we are then intimate sexually

lol not at all. He is that geek guy. You need to read the article in order to understand the shy guy . They are different. I am shy myself and i can understand him but i am not that shy as much as him. He is the extreme case. It is hard to explain though that's why you need to read the article " inside the mind of Guys who are shy and inexperienced with women "

If you are not extremely shy, these wouldn't make sense to you which i understand ... :-)

You know women can feel these things using instinct and he is the extreme case of the shyness i would say ... being a shy person myself. I can't really do hook up things as being intimate making me love the person and i would avoid situations like that.

OP, you have now started three threads about this "shy guy". The more you post about him, the more it sounds like you are obsessively chasing after a man who really is not interested in a relationship with you. He may be a "geek" and he may be "shy", but everything you have posted about him, shows a man who is NOT interested in you. If, as you claim, you have had sex with him, then all it is a a booty call. Nothing about this guy sounds shy at all. Everything about this guy sounds like no interest. You are completely obsessed (and as someone else mentioned in a previous thread, almost bordering on stalking him), and cannot accept what is real. You need a reality check and come to terms with the fact that all you are is an easy lay for him when he's in the mood. Nothing more.

I see, so i should accept that he just deceived me for sex only and heal my broken heart for a while. Maybe that is the best thing i should do. He just drives me crazy, I don't know what to think anymore. Thank you for your advice.xx

He didn't deceive you. You are deceiving yourself by pretending 'he's shy' so you can justify good oral and hookups and make believe you're in a relationship. Keep in mind it's you running to him for good oral and good sex.

i should accept that he just deceived me for sex only

Are you here to sell this book/article? You seem to keep pushing it.

that's why you need to read the article " inside the mind of Guys who are shy and inexperienced with women "

How old are you may I ask?

You sound a little naive and inexperienced. I believe every healthy relationship should receive amazing sex. It will be possible with someone else.

Regardless of the shy thing or that you've convinced yourself you are in love.

Write what you want from him. Write it down. Tell him. if he doesn't want it, be done with this and it was just a booty call then.

I assure you, if you are as attractive as you say you are, you won't ever have a problem with men. You may have a problem being shy and getting what you want in a relationship and telling the losers apart though.

How old are you may I ask?

 

You sound a little naive and inexperienced. I believe every healthy relationship should receive amazing sex. It will be possible with someone else.

 

Regardless of the shy thing or that you've convinced yourself you are in love.

 

Write what you want from him. Write it down. Tell him. if he doesn't want it, be done with this and it was just a booty call then.

 

I assure you, if you are as attractive as you say you are, you won't ever have a problem with men. You may have a problem being shy and getting what you want in a relationship and telling the losers apart though.

I am 25 .

I am not attractive , below average but with make up i look ok. Though people around here probably like my looks and my figure as they said so. I don't think I am attractive as i don't normally wear make up and can't really be bother to dress up much... only when i go out i will dress up to you know make myself more presentable.

I do get loads of guys contact me but i don't like any of them. Those who I like won't like me and it's just like that in life maybe.

I do believe he is a shy guy as i did a lot of tests on him but again who knows ... he seems sweet so maybe he feels i am not the one for him and reluctant to go along the way spending time with me. I am sometimes very anxious and maybe he finds it hard to cope with as a sensitive shy guy normally do.

I don't know I will just be quiet for a while now I feel the heart break really hard on me and i will just try to relax and improve my life for the better rather than focusing on him. He probably feels the pressure as weill.

In the past , I never chose the partner but they chose me and hunt me down and the relationship lasted only about a year and i had only about 3 relationships before this one including sex.

So this time i want to be with shy guy as they apparently make great partner once you can get them out of their shell...etc...

Sex makes me fall in love and i don't do things like just only sleep without any relationship as it will hurt me to the point that makes me ill. I made sure in the beginning he wanted a relationship as i asked him so many times before i opened up to him. But yes , i'm just struggling to cope with this i'll try to forget about him and treat him as a friend that's all. Thank you so much everyone for the kind advice, your time and input.xxx

So this "shy guy" theory is to protect yourself from the reality that he just wants sex without a relationship?

i don't do things like just only sleep without any relationship as it will hurt me to the point that makes me ill. I made sure in the beginning he wanted a relationship as i asked him so many times before i opened up to him.

Sounds like he is taken. Married or in a relationship.

I think you are right. I am just a booty call for him. I want to try to forget him now. I feel bad as i never expect this kind of thing would happen to me at all. All i want is to look for a loving relationship and be with someone lovely who i can reciprocate my love. It is tough as it is hard not to make that person so important in my life as i don't have a family or friends. I am an introvert and mostly spend time by myself. I am trying to think now that i don't really love him and i can forget about him easily. Not sure if i should delete What'sapp so that i won't think about him...

Lilly, please see this for what it is. You are just a booty call when he feels like it. And just because he doesn't expect you to reciprocate oral, means nothing. He could really enjoy it and be licking lots of females. You have no idea because he's hiding from you. This is not healthy.

 

Do you believe a shy guy can't meet up , but when you do, can get sexual? No. Let's say he was an extreme introvert, with social anxiety. He'd still invite you over to hang out as his place. How many times have you actually seen him?

 

Take other guys up on their offers to meet. Find someone closer, available, and that doesn't get into sex talk with you so early on. AKA, a respectable guy. You'll be better off and you'll forget this sooner.

All i want is to look for a loving relationship and be with someone lovely who i can reciprocate my love. It is tough as it is hard not to make that person so important in my life as i don't have a family or friends. I am an introvert and mostly spend time by myself. I am trying to think now that i don't really love him and i can forget about him easily. .

I'm just thinking .... Would it be correct to say you are in love with the idea of him?

Yes i just have been thinking that too. He came across as endearing shy guy. I think i made myself believe that i love him but it is not actually love.. it is infatuation i think. He is this tall and handsome guy who thinks he is not good looking and he didn't want to meet me at first as he was worried that i wouldn't like him. He cancelled first 3 meetings due to nerves and he was scared i wouldn't like him.

His friend told me to tell him that i have fallen for him and that he should let me know and be honest if he feels the same. He hasn't replied me and i think that i freaked him out. In the same time I feel i shouldn't have messaged him those things as i am now realising that i don't really love him. I just love the idea... you are so spot on. He promised from the start to help with DIY that i have to do which i could not do it myself but so far he never really helps me with anything. My best friend ( my ex ) is the one who has been helping me all along ... everything. My ex has always been there for me when i need help , he told me two weeks ago that he loves me ( It slipped out of his mouth whilst we were doing something and i didn't know what to do so i just pretended i din't hear him ...he is very confusing ) and i don't know what to do with him as i love him but it is not that kind of attraction. I could be with him again but it won't be for the reason that i am in love with him , it will be more that maybe i should be with him as it is safe and he will never hurt me ( i know that for sure ).

I don't find anyone attractive at all, i mean people who send me messages on the dating website as i am subscribed to a few of them... but i feel lonely. Thank god there is this site that i can express my feelings on here ... otherwise i don't know who i could talk to really.

In conclusion, sex is kinda big thing for me ... once i had sex with him and i felt bonded somehow... i then pictured future with him ... which is not the right thing to do. I thought i was in love with him but actually you are right , I just love the idea of being with him happily ever after ... just because i had sex with him ( because that's i regard as the big thing for me ) .

I actually don't know . I am very confused . sorry. Thank you so so much xxx

This is why dating is so hard for you and you are so confused:

My best friend ( my ex ) is the one who has been helping me all along ... everything. My ex has always been there for me when i need help , he told me two weeks ago that he loves me

I am very confused. My ex has been there for me and that might be one of the reasons why the 2 relationships afterwards were shortened as i realised noone is as perfect as my first ex. He is this man who has no bad bones in his body and he is a sweet , kind, charitable philantropist always wanting to help everyone if he could , always give. I love him and feel indebted to him as if not him i wouldn't be here happy now like this. He was at every worst time in my life and be there for me and help. The relationship with him ended because we were not having any intimacy. I love him but it's not attractive to me to think of having a relationship with him without any intimacy because that how it was when i was with him and i decided to break up with him which probably hurt him a lot because he never had anyone else afterwards. I always asked him afterwards realizing i would never find such an amazing man like this ... I asked if he wanted us to be together but he didn't want to. At the time i asked him i was already in another relationship but i wanted to make sure that he doesn't still want to be with me so i won't feel guilty. Even nowsadays i am scared of upsetting him if i find someone and i might lose him. I want him in my life but I am not attracted to him sexually...very confusing.... so that 's why i'm so confused.

I am very confused. My ex has been there for me and that might be one of the reasons why the 2 relationships afterwards were shortened as i realised noone is as perfect as my first ex. He is this man who has no bad bones in his body and he is a sweet , kind, charitable philantropist always wanting to help everyone if he could , always give. I love him and feel indebted to him as if it's not because of him i wouldn't have been here happy now like this. He was at every worst time in my life and be there for me and help. The relationship with him ended because we were not having any intimacy. I love him but it's not attractive to me to think of having a relationship with him without any intimacy because that how it was when i was with him and i decided to break up with him which probably hurt him a lot because he never had anyone else afterwards. I always asked him afterwards realizing i would never find such an amazing man like this ... I asked if he wanted us to be together but he didn't want to. At the time i asked him i was already in another relationship but i wanted to make sure that he doesn't still want to be with me so i won't feel guilty. Even nowsadays i am scared of upsetting him if i find someone and i might lose him. I want him in my life but I am not attracted to him sexually...very confusing.... so that 's why i'm so confused.

I was determined to find someone that has his quality, shy , nice , kind and caring. I met this geeky guy on dating website as he sent me a message and we started to chat . He came across as a very sensitive lovely guy. After a few conversations he was telling me that he had to try to sort himself out as he got really turned on talking to such an attractive and lovely person ( his words ). After that he was very shy and quiet and then afterwards he told me sorry as he got really turned on talking to me ... After that he has been acting weird , quiet and hiding ...and it went on... and i worked out he is a very geeky guy who i am still not sure just yet if he has the true intention to use me for sex... still to be found out but i should leave him alone now until he contact me again and i should keep him as a friend.

My ex was the one encouraging me to go on dating website and told me to quickly try to find someone. When i told him i had feelings for this geeky guy, my ex acted like he was jealous ... and not long after he told me he love me. Last week i asked him if we should be together , he said we probably will annoy each other . So i told him that we have differences that he might find a better fit with someone else ... After we went out , he sent me a message thanking me as he had a great time and i was a good company. He looked at me with those eyes like he was in love ... so I am confused.

I don't know what to do. But all in all thank you so so much, being able to share my experiences helps me to overcome anxiety and feel much better with the confusions when it's being shared. xxx

Why was there no intimacy with your ex? The way he left you feeling because of that is most likely why you're trying to cling to this other guy who clearly has something he's hiding , or just plain not interested except for an occasional booty call.

 

I understand keeping an ex in your life who was good overall, and you bonded with through something(other than sexual) .

That keeps the person closer to you even though broken up. I have two like this, the others, no way I eventually cut and couldn't care less where they are or what they do in life. They were no good. I had zero feelings, still don't, never will lol.

I think what you need to realize though is that you won't lose your ex when you find someone else. Being friends is partly understanding you both will move on and be with others. You don't have to share details, but you do have to accept it. If he's truly a friend, he won't go away just because you are with someone. If you're going to hold back from finding something real, then you need to be more independent of your ex.

I think this geeky guy just has a lot of things in common with me in terms of personality etc. That's why i emotionally am attracted to him. No intimacy because maybe he has low sex drive. I discussed with him that we were not in a relationship as there was no intimacy. He argued that it was true love when the person care for another person more than anything in his life ... etc. He said his mum and dad also don't have sex anymore....so my ears were kind of not hearing anything after that because for me intimacy is very important in relationship but i didn't really want to argue with him about that. We always have different views in many things and I don't like debating at all... but he loves to debate until i need to agree with his point which is not quite my thing. I know i need to try to be independent of him but i don't know anyone around here where i just moved from nowhere and did a lot of DIY and he has been helping me a lot. xxx

Yes he has 0 sex drive actually. I love him but i just can't find the attraction romantically with him ... maybe because of his sex drive level. I just started to talk to a few people on dating website after making up my mind that i will only befriend with the geeky guy. It hurts to think that he lied to me and used me for sex but booty call seems like what he has been doing. Stupid me... I'll learn it as a lesson.

I will one day find out some information about that and give it a try. It is quite difficult when you are an introvert i think ... for me . But i do find it lonely as i don't know anyone so i need to also maybe find some kind of website that well allow me to make some friend :-) Thank you so much for your advice ... xxx

He didn't "use you for sex". He never acted like or promised any dating situation. You ran over there and wanted oral because your bf isn't giving you any sex/satisfaction. The sooner you get rid of the victim mentality and the sooner you learn to act independently and make real friends, the sooner you'll be happy and not have to use your ex for favors and random internet guys for oral pleasuring/sexual satisfaction.

There's nothing wrong with either of these guys. One has a low libido and the other isn't interested beyond hookups. You're the common denominator in your confusion and self pity. If you want a real relationship that integrates sexuality, love and companionship, get independent of both these guys and pull yourself together by gaining confidence. Recognize looking for thrills and 'love highs' for what it is. Stop stringing your bf along for favors.

I love him but i just can't find the attraction romantically with him. It hurts to think that he lied to me and used me for sex but booty call