Lonely in my relationship

Hi,

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We live together.

He is really into online gaming and smoking weed and so after work and most of the weekend we don't really spend that much time together. Sometimes I am fine with it as I like some solo time too but most of the time I feel so lonely and like it's just me talking all the time.

I have spoken to him before about how I don't like him smoking weed as I feel it turns him into a tired zombie so we hardly speak. I don't want to make him feel he has to spoke gaming/smoking weed as I know he enjoys these things. He also isn't as big into communicating as I am.

How do you stop feeling lonely in love? Is there anything I can do to feel more connected?

Thanks in advance!!

He has to be willing to meet you halfway, OP. It sounds like you're doing what you can, in terms of talking to him about how you feel. He needs to start pulling his weight in the relationship, too.

How often do you two go out and do something together?

Unfortunately you Are in a relationship alone. Why would you move in with a stoner and be the perfect enabler? So you don't make waves? You seem to want to be the "cool gf" but are you happy? Sadly what you saw is what you got and it won't change. Nagging him won't help, stop talking to him about it because he knows he can just tune you out and you'll put up with it.

Stop acting like a martyr, victim or mother. It won't help either. He's probably too stoned to remember and/or just doesn't care because you not only accepted it, you condone it by moving in with him. Move out unless you want this frustration on a continual basis. Unless you are a stoner/drug user/heavy drinker as well and he's your supplier, why do you put up with this?

04-21-2017:He has recently started smoking weed every night and I don't really like it. I drive an hour to his house after work every night to watch him smoke a joint and get so tired that he just falls asleep straight away.

I spent almost 20 years with a weed smoker and I advise you to leave the relationship. When my ex got high, he's be stoned out of his mind and didn't want to be bothered or he would sleep most of the time. When he WAS sober, he was often irritable and ready for the next high. We often argued over the large amounts of money he spent on weed, and the fact that weed made him lazy and he never wanted to go anywhere or do anything--- and that left me even more isolated and frustrated.

As you can understand, that left me feeling lonely the majority of the time. I was often neglected, and this led to me having affairs. I would never suggest that you do that-- just leave him. I agree with the other posters as well. What you see is what you get. It won't change. This is who he is.

Or get accustomed to life being the way that it is. But there are so many guys out there that would love to take you out and show you a good time, as well as provide you the attention that you are worthy of. Good luck to you.

As a gamer and partaker of weed I cannot understand why you would stay with such a deadbeat.

He is just a lazy and pathetic person. His gaming and weed only is filling the space of his apathy.

I smoke and game but if my wife wants to go out I wouldn't think twice about going out to a movie or dancing or something.

It isn't the weed or the games, don't think that taking those away will change anything. It is him, and how he decides to spent his time.

He knows when he starts a gaming session what he is doing, he knows he is ignoring you. When he smokes he knows he is going to use that as an excuse and be lazy.

I'll smoke then spend 3 hours cleaning our house.

Drugs affect people differently but it is the person's responcibility to understand how they react to drugs.

Also, if he gets that annoyed and angry when he is out of weed then he obviously does have a problem.

My point is that even if you remove the weed/games that problem will still be there to fill with something else.

I don't like him smoking weed as I feel it turns him into a tired zombie so we hardly speak. I don't want to make him feel he has to spoke gaming/smoking weed as I know he enjoys these things. He also isn't as big into communicating as I am.

 

How do you stop feeling lonely in love?

Well, the first thing is realizing you and the person you love have major incompatibilities that neither of you are willing to give up. He wants to game and get blowed and you don't want him doing either to the extent that he does. Where is the middle ground in this when he won't communicate with you?

The way you wrote the above sounds like he knows how you feel but isn't going to change anything about it. So he's not willing to compromise in order for you to feel connected to him.

Perhaps deep down inside, he really doesn't want the obligation of relationship, but is there for the perks of relationship (access to sex).

But you've got huge issues if he isn't into communicating with you because you have to have communication in order for relationships to work.

Is there anything I can do to feel more connected?

Not to someone who won't communicate.

Stop driving to see him after work. I agree with wiseman--you're totally enabling him by just showing up every evening at his place.

Ive been through this recently. I moved in with my BF only to discover that he smoked pot all day and then drank a lot more then I knew too. He would sit on the couch and only move to let his dogs out or feed them. I was basically a roommate living with someone I had nothing in common with. I would go to work and come home to a passed out or drunk man every night. I told him I was not happy with his lifestyle and needed to be with someone who wants to go out and do things and experience life. He promised he would change, but every day was the same.I only lasted 3 months.

My recommendation is to break up with him and move out. I know its hard, but you need to find someone you are more compatible with. You are never going to be happy in this environment.